PRIZE MACHINE

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You receive Descartes lunch in your lap.

*inserts a roll of paper towels*

You throw in the towel.

*inserts a contract for you to fight Mike Tyson*

You win nothing, just a shredded UNSIGNED contract.

*inserts one boxing glove*

You receive a visit from a very disappointed Mike Tyson.

*inserts another opportunity for a contract*

You receive a visit from the gendarmes for allegedly putting a contract out on Mike Tyson.

*inserts the phone number of a high-priced defense lawyer*

You receive a bill for an arm and a leg.

*inserts a cup of tea*

You receive one lump -- or two?

*inserts a slice of watermelon*

The watermelon shorts the electrical contacts and you receive an electric shock.

*inserts quarter*

The screen flashes $0.02 due -- price rise!

*inserts a computer mouse*

You receive an electronic cat.

*inserts a tin of beans*

A foul odor is in the air.

*inserts quarter*

You win one of those foul-smelling pine tree-shaped air fresheners that are always hanging from the rear-view mirrors of taxicabs.

*inserts a sprig of sweet annie*

(Google is my friend again! )

You receive a bouquet garni

*inserts a wild buffalo* (It really didn't want to get into the machine... have you any idea how hard it is to persuade a buffalo to do something it doesn't want to!)

Whooee! You receive a peace pipe!

*inserts a bundle of sweetgrass*

You receive a cowboy named Ted.

*inserts white man speaking with fork tongue*

You receive an albino rattler.


*Inserts a roseate spoonbill*