The Really Bad Advice Thread

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Hey, it's a good idea to take out that 3rd mortgage - you can swing it. $$$

Generally, things beginning with mort- are really cool

If the only jeans on half-price sale are a size smaller than you usually wear, go ahead and buy them.....what's the worst that could happen?

When traveling in excess of 15 mph on a bike, you should always stop by suddenly pulling the front brake lever as hard as possible whilst leaning forward.

If you notice wrinkles have started appearing on your face, wash it with coca cola and iron whilst damp. Very soon you'll find new skin forming.

When going on a first date eat as much garlic sausage as you want, and smear it all over your body. Endorphins in the opposite sex might go wild!

On the other hand, you should be considerate to female mosquitoes?males don?t suck blood?and avoid garlic when you?re going to sleep in a place infested by them, instead making your blood as tasty as possible. Don?t forget to leave a generous amount of skin exposed so they can admire your shapely build.

When going to sleep, and when you don't want to get mosquito infested, you should keep one arm out since they're afraid of one exposed arm, especially if you keep it naked.

When an old person is walking slowly, you should kindly push him/her from behind so that he/she can go faster.

When you see some woman who recently put on some weight you should enthusiastically ask her whether she is pregnant. She is surely going to be extremely appreciative of such a question!

Always interrupt people when they are saying nice things about you.

Make as many phone calls as possible while watching a movie in a theater.

And be sure to speak as loudly as possible.

If using a small kitchen towel to pull a hot pan out of the oven, wet it first.

When a carton of milk is nearly finished, you should pour the remaining milk into the new carton of milk to save the fridge space.

In order to appear manly, make sure to obsess about appearing manly at all times. A neurotic concern with other people's opinions is incredibly manly.