The Really Bad Advice Thread

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Dispose of anything anywhere. They have people to clean up after you, and you're creating jobs.

Go ahead and buy those used socks at that garage sale.

No one in that nice family could possibly have athlete's foot.

I've been up on the Moon for a while now and this place is a mess!
can anybody recommend a good vacuum cleaner?

Be sure to get those unsightly footprints over there!

If you want to get to the Moon, the best is to use some methane powered rocket engine that runs on bovine methane. The scent will assure your fame.

To make sure that you have enough methane, steal someone's cow.

If you find a large spider in your place of residence, it's best to burn the building down. There may be more lurking somewhere.

Stay angry. It feels great and makes you more effective.

Tell people exactly what you think about their clothes.

Drink three liters of soda a day to help keep your energy up and stay hydrated.

Wear the cheapest perfume or aftershave that you can buy.

Rub a tablespoonful in your hair.

when i was a young teenager, i learned that policemen are public servants because they are paid by the government to serve to public.

"i am a member of the public, so they are therefore my servants", i went on to conclude.

then i read a bit more about their "duties", and i learned that they must act upon my directions if those directions are pertinent to public amenity and maintenance.

it seemed to me that i was at liberty to direct a police man to pick up a scrap of paper from the ground and place it in the nearest bin, and that they were bound to obey me.

i wished to try it out.

i wondered how i would find a situation where a policeman was in the immediate vicinity, and also a scrap of trash was nearby so as i could direct the police man to pick it up.

i could not find a situation like that occurring naturally without expending much energy and time in searching around the place, so i decided that i would drop a piece of paper on the ground, and then ring the police to report an emergency.

when the police asked what the emergency was, i told them that it was as yet unclassifiable, and i gave them the location and i hung up.

moments later when the police arrived, i directed one of them to a piece of paper lying on the ground and i told him to pick it up and put it in the bin.

when i was asked whether i was the one who had called to report an emergency, i told them i was, and that i had now classified the emergency as a "litter situation".

they did not seem to take kindly to my discourse, but i nevertheless pointed out that i was their boss, and i said that one of them should pick up the piece of paper and place it in the garbage bin because that is among the things that they are paid to do.

i was rather irate at that point, but i was herded off toward a police car, so i was unable to see if my directions pertinent to the paper scrap were being carried out, and i was unable to give them any guarantees that i would commend their behavior in any reports i may file about the matter

it all came to nothing because i was taken back to the police station and subsequently let go when my father came to pick me up, so the lesson i learned was that even though they are my servants, it is too much trouble to tell them what to do.

I tried to pick up a policeman once

he was really heavy

so I tried to let him down gently

he still calls me at 5 am

you should have called other policemen to pick him up and deal with him.



not your problem if you had called the police.


you should have taken him to Mars (if you were able to do that) and then dropped him in an instantaneous manner. he would not have suffered (in a g-force way) if you could only have transported him to mars and dumped him there.


yeah OK. there must have been more to it, but it is all in your life.

[img][400:550]http://www.wthejournal.com/images/actualites/Affiche_publicitaire_OK.jpg[/img]

I lied!

I took him to Pluto!

and now
he lies on a filo pillow