Blame the poster above you

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Fig if it’s a variety with edible fruit, ficcus for the small leafed ones without edible fruit.

Well I’m sure you’re the one who’s been directing the neighbourhood cats to dig up my foxglove babies and do what they do in the hole.
How could you?!

No fruit, Ficcus it is. Foxgloves are awesome. I send the cats. I send the cats in retaliation for the fact that I have a craving for Branston Pickle and you can't get it in my country and that's entirely on you. Btw Yorkshire rats are the best, they invented Yorkshire pudding you know

We’re holding back the pickle until you send us more dates!

In our last garden we selectively uprooted the pink foxgloves before they set seed until there were only white ones

Now, to business: what were you thinking when you made me miss my bus for work yesterday morning? They were new customers and I had to make a telephone call (yuck!) and work extra hard to make sure they didn’t look for alternatives.
One is most assuredly not amused.

I bet you sent me the kinesthetic child, his mother is a student of mine, to torture me by hiding under the table and jumping around like a grasshopper. I don't teach children and this one is stretching my patience and resourcefulness . I don't like teaching children, why did you tell me "do it!! You need the money!!

Mwahahaha!
I love it when a plan comes together

I of course hold you fully responsible for the hyperactive child in my RE class who stabbed me in the leg with a compass all lesson: leading to detention for me when I got fed up and tried to stop him.

And you, sir, are responsible for fathering the children in ‘Village of the Damned’.

Probably wearing his black opera shirt and knee high platform boots at the time heh heh

But you on the other hand made me cut half my bloody toe nail off, and now it's stinging from all the iodine, how could you!

Probably should have gone to a podiatrist.

It's your fault people are still clearing the shelves of Toilet rolls leaving none for people who really need them.

^ and I hold you responsible for the fact that my chocolate wrapper is empty: how could you make me think that I could eat it all and still have more to eat?

For that mockery I will extend this post to a double dose of blame thusly:
You are responsible for the burnt patch on my table where I my spilled coffee: why did you make me do it?

You should've bought a bigger bar of Chocolate.

It's your fault the weather is still stinking hot even though Summer is supposed to be over.

^ yes, but you made it painfully sunny in Britain in February!
I was only using my dark powers in retribution.

^ I asked you to weed my garden and you pulled up all my rare alpines. Every time I walk up the path I can't help bursting into tears.

^ spooky: I actually am a gardener!

In that case I hold you fully responsible for the pain in my back! Why do you plant things so close together I have to bend over to weed with my feet planted 3’ apart? Did you not think of the practicalities of maintenance?

I blame YOU, Karamazov, for my obsession with pagodas.

Yes. Definitely his fault. You on the other hand are entirely responsible for the complete shutdown in my country with no more theatres, sports gatherings and or any gatherings at all for more than 100 people. Why did you do it!! Yikes!

^ and you are responsible for the annoying itch on the left side of my nose. It’s a little thing, but it’s the little things out of which the big ones are made.

Pagodas rock: you should be thanking me