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Prof_Pretorius
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08 Jul 2014, 10:25 pm

Pigeons make lovely pets. Simply put out bird seed in your doorway, and get them used to staying inside your home.


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jrjones9933
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09 Jul 2014, 12:57 am

Problems in your relationship? Having some children will clear those right up and make everything okay.



Spiderpig
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09 Jul 2014, 3:47 am

Prof_Pretorius wrote:
Pigeons make lovely pets. Simply put out bird seed in your doorway, and get them used to staying inside your home.


Gulls are better!


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Campin_Cat
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09 Jul 2014, 5:05 am

For a more economical way of heating your home in winter, put several aerosol cans in your microwave, and heat on "high" for several minutes.



Campin_Cat
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09 Jul 2014, 5:42 am

Always tie a cinder block to your ankle when swimming----it'll make you much more buoyant.



Campin_Cat
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09 Jul 2014, 7:23 am

For a more relaxing bath, float your radio in the water, near your feet.













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jrjones9933
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09 Jul 2014, 8:18 am

No one ever got things done by making a schedule.



VegetableMan
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09 Jul 2014, 8:57 am

Always thoroughly wipe down your CDs with steel wool before returning them to their protective cases.


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jrjones9933
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09 Jul 2014, 9:30 am

Salsa aids in the digestion of ice cream.



Campin_Cat
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09 Jul 2014, 9:38 am

Always mow your lawn in your bare feet----that way, if the mower slips-back on ya, it won't ruin your shoes.



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09 Jul 2014, 9:48 am

Before applying calamine lotion to an outbreak of poison ivy, first scrub the infected area thoroughly with fine sandpaper.


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DeepHour
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09 Jul 2014, 10:55 am

You can test whether that little pool of liquid under your car is petrol, by dropping a lighted match in it.



mezzanotte
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09 Jul 2014, 11:16 am

Strolling around Harlem in a pointy-hooded Klan robe while singing old Johnny Rebel songs is a good way to make friends.



ThetaIn3D
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09 Jul 2014, 11:16 am

Rather than getting up to see if you left the window open, keep a bucket of test rocks by your desk to throw at it!



DeepHour
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09 Jul 2014, 11:35 am

Heterosexual males, show an attractive woman you are interested in her by following her home from work every evening.



VegetableMan
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09 Jul 2014, 2:20 pm

If you ever find your self confronted by a rattlesnake, just wave your hands in from of its face. This will confuse the snake, sending it rapidly in the opposite direction.


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What do you call a hot dog in a gangster suit?

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