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The Really Bad Advice Thread

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Hyperborean
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13 Sep 2015, 4:35 pm

If you're ill, unemployed, young or disabled, come and live in the UK and vote Conservative.



Cockroach96
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15 Sep 2015, 3:45 am

Take a hike in the Siberian taiga wearing just underpants.


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AsahiPto17
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22 Sep 2015, 4:24 am

When in urgent need on eye drops and none are available, cyanoacrylate may be used instead.



Myriad
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22 Sep 2015, 10:34 am

A wise person once said, "Never do today what you can put off 'till tomorrow."

Procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute -- there's always plenty of time!


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 129 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 100 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits
AQ: 39 / 50


Feyokien
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22 Sep 2015, 10:36 am

Trust the system, it will never let you down :roll:



Drake
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26 Sep 2015, 8:47 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
If you are an Aspie and your crush hates you, sneak up to her and hug her from behind.

Better yet, tickle her. She'll soon be laughing in your arms and forget all about how much she hates you!



cathylynn
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26 Sep 2015, 8:49 pm

spend all your money on marshmallows.



Feyokien
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26 Sep 2015, 8:51 pm

cathylynn wrote:
spend all your money on marshmallows.


and cook those marshmallows while camping at Yellowstone, they're a natural bear repellent



Drake
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26 Sep 2015, 8:56 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
It is also a good idea to click on the ads that you see on the internet.

And don't use virus protection. Viruses are bad, why would you want to protect them?



nerdymama
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26 Sep 2015, 11:14 pm

Once you've finished a meal, eat the dishes and utensils instead of cleaning up.



Drake
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26 Sep 2015, 11:42 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
The best cure for Asperger's syndrome is to tell an ISIS member that you're an atheist.

And make sure not to vaccinate your children. Prevention is better than cure.



League_Girl
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26 Sep 2015, 11:43 pm

Next time a kid calls you a name, punch them in the face. That will show them.


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Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


Drake
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27 Sep 2015, 12:25 am

jrjones9933 wrote:
Criticize yourself intensely for any mistakes you make, however trivial. You can't achieve perfection any other way.

Make sure to extend this to the people close to you. They'll appreciate this motivation to improve themselves, strengthening your relationship with them and making them better people.



Cockroach96
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28 Sep 2015, 5:14 am

Convert to Islam and tell your Christian parents about it. They will apreciate the religious diversity in their family. :wink:


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Drake
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28 Sep 2015, 10:47 am

jrjones9933 wrote:
Every handshake is a contest of strength, especially handshakes with women.

Yes, women are attracted to strong men. If you're a strong man, the handshake is an excellent opportunity to show her the full extent of your strength. So be sure to hold nothing back, and you'll have women falling at your feet in no time!



Cockroach96
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28 Sep 2015, 2:25 pm

I heard of an aspie who told an ISIS member that he's an atheist. The terrorist replied "I don't give a damn.". That was unexpected, but don't worry! There are several cures for Asperger's:
-go to New York City, jump from a skyscraper and make sure you land on your head. The impact will re-wire your brain and make you NT.
-tie a rope to the ceiling, wrap it around your neck and let your body go limp. Your brain will be temporarily isolated from the rest of your body, allowing it to take a break and fix itself.
-drink bleach, also known as Miracle Mineral Solution. Industrial bleach is recommended, but home bleach will also work.
-homeopathic remedies work very well.
-pray to your god every day and he might fix you.


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