Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, however it misses most days on the job, due to having Mad Cow disease

I wish I could perform amazing acrobatic feats and stunts...

Granted. You don't know how to land & you both shatter your skull & s**t your intestines out simultaneously.

I wish I could meet Paul McCartney & Ringo Starr!

The IATO International AIr Transport Office mis-spells the summons for tickets as Jessie McCarthy and Jeffree Star, hope you enjoy anti-autism advocacy and crossdressing music artists! (I like jeffree star so this post is merely humorous)

I wish I could get hugs from everyone who has a neoprene wetsuit

Granted but neoprene is not very resilient when it is cold and wet, remember the Challenger disaster? The neoprene O rings failed....


I wish for an ice cream sundae...

One 2girls1cup sundae coming up!

I wish my bunnies didn't like the zesty taste of computRAWR wires!

Granted! They eat your phone lines!

I wish I could wear a neoprene wetsuit while in a sauna while wearing a PVC rainsuit!

Granted, but you end up with the mother of all fungus infections.


I wish I was vacationing in California.

Granted. All misconseptions you have about surf boards & beach boys & movie stars & heat are all wrong. According to the little GNOME tempurature thingie on my top panel which is getting its weather from the Mather Field airport (in Sacramento) says it's 45F outside.

I wish for...hm...ooh I know! Two attractive female Japanese twins that find me sexually attractive & are perfect in every way possible with no variable wish-corruptableness!! !

Granted, but they are just con artists who are playing you for a fool and after a while they steal everything you own and leave you on the street.

I wish Jennifer Connely was my girlfriend...

Granted, but when you are about to propose to her, the earth stands still and the inertia sends us all flying into space.

I wish I was able to resist the urge to talk to my crush about my feelings, and find the strength to just leave things as they are.

Granted! but your crush discovers your feelings anyways

I wish I could get my new T-Mobile prepaid card NOW!

Granted, but it was already redeemed for another phone.

I wish I could wake up earlier.

Granted, but you can no longer sleep at night, and your sleep deprivation eventually causes you to fall asleep at the wheel, which ultimately causes your death.
I wish I could turn invisible

Granted, you have lost contact with the world.

I wish I had a battle bunker.

Granted, but it's sealed and you can't enter.

I wish I could type faster (and I'm already a very good typist).

Granted, you melt 20 keyboards in one day. You are sent to a recycling center to work there to make the slag for new keyboards.

I wish I had a minigun to take out the door of the battle bunker and get in.