Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. Your floor is now made of laminated fat.

~

I wish I always knew what time it was.

Problem is you do not know which time zone it is the time in, you know the time to the microscecond in a randomly determined time zone. Each time you think of the time the zone changes.

I wish that every time I have to speak in front of an audience that I could enter the room through a hole in the floor, with dry ice smoke and lycra clad gyrating pretty girls around me like the entrance of eyeball paul in Kev and Perry go large.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted, the girls are very popular. However, when you appear you are booed off. The audience want the girls back on again instead of you.

I wish for sunshine and a warm day tomorrow so I can work in my vegetable garden.

You can have warm and sunshine but you will not like it !

Due to the random movement of gas molecules all the molecular things like O2 and N2 move out of a column of air between your garden and the sun. All that is left is argon and the other noble gases, as you all know the noble gases are perfectly transparent to UV light.

The UV light comes wizzing down from space and nukes all the plants in your garden, lucky for you there is a 10 meter layer of normal air at ground level so while sitting in your house you can stay alaive to watch the UV light zap your garden. The UV light creates loads of ozone in this air, this makes the rubber tyres on your car and your plastic lilo on the swimming pool disintergrate. But look on the good side the UV light & ozone cleans all the nasty things out the garden pond and swimming pool.

OK, I wish that I could make an entrance into a lecture like eyeball paul but after giving a lecture to a mob of students they will worship me and view me as if as if I was a leading nightclub DJ like Ferry Corsten.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Who?! Well, whatever. Granted, but for some odd reason, the superior figure (I shall guess dean.) is not amused with the antics.

I wish I had twelve Pikachu.

You get tweleve pikachu, but the longer you the keep them, the more your life turns into a cartoon. You slowly begin to transform into a water pokemon and you are stolen by Team Rocket. Now, during each episode, you are forced to battle Ash and his 12 pikachus that he captured. I'm sure you can imagine how painful that would be...

I wish I could be an invinceable video game character, and nothing is able to bother me.

Granted. You are an invincible video game character. However, you are a non-playable character (because it wouldn't be fair to have a playable character that was invincible, that would be cheating), and so you don't have a consciousness (this also means nothing can bother you, since you need to be conscious to be bothered).

~

I wish I could change between being deaf and being able to hear at will.

You become so excited by your new found ability that you fall and get a concussion. After you recover, you realize that you suffer from minor brain damage. This impairment causes confusion, and at times, you are not able to form coherent thoughts. Construction is being done in the house beside you and you are forced to endure the noise during your confusion spells.

After many sleepless nights, you decide to see your neurologist. He does tests and says that he sees no evidence of this being true. You plead with him to help you, but there is nothing that he can do. He does not even know the cause. You are now left without sleep and an expensive doctor bill.

I wish I never had to sleep.

Granted, your brain is replaced with a computer circuit board. You never need to sleep now. Unfortunately you still have to frequently reboot after downloading the latest Microsoft updates and have acquired some malware which means you are a talking spam bot, harassing everyone you meet trying to sell them little blue pills and get rich quick schemes.

I wish I had a big sit on lawnmower.

Granted, you sit on a lawn mower. You accidentally knock something while sitting on it, and the lawn mower breaks.

I wish I could stay up later than usual.

Granted, a freak tornado demolishes your house. You won't be going to bed for some time.

I wish the grass didn't grow so fast on the lawns.

Granted, a time machine sends you back to the Ice Age. Now you don't have to worry about buying a new lawn mower.

I wish I didn't have to get up early tommorow.

Wish granted, but now you have to get up late in this evening and start work at midnight. Also you have a job where you can not take a break and you must sit on a one legged stool to make sure that you stay awake.

I wish my shoes would never wear out and after I take them off each night they would silently polish themselves to the point at which I would read a newspaper in the reflection off the surfaces of the shoes.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted, your polished stainless steel shoes are ready for you. They fulfil your requirements. However, they are not the most comfortable pair of shoes you've ever worn.

I wish there were special nanites in my lawn that kept the grass trimmed to exactly two inches high.

granted, but your gras isn't the only thing that is cut at a length of 2 inches

i wish for a cellar