Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You stumble in and the cellar door locks behind you. Dunno how that happened ...

I wish to live forever, or until I get bored, whichever comes first.

Granted, you are bored after 1 second.

I wish a ice cream sundae landed on the house.

Granted. A perfectly ordinary icecream sundae lands on your house, upside down, according to Murphy's law.

I wish for anime physics to apply to the real world.

Fine some new laws of physics apply to the real world, but the value of plank's constant increases too much so lots of quantum effects now occur in odd places which drives you around the twist. I hope you are ready to be diffracted each time you walk through a door way, and also your spin is now quantised !

I wish I could be witty.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted, but now you are so witty that people consider you a smart-aleck.


I wish that it were September already.

Poof, the Earth snaps to its position around the sun where it would be in September, causing buildings and people to fly off into space.

I wish I was a nasty mole creature.

But you already are.

I wish I had a cubic furlong of rabid Tasmanian devils.

Granted: but you are in the middle of them!


I wish that I had a higher noise tolerance.

Granted, this is only because you are deaf.

I wish that I had the ability to terraform a planet.

Granted, but it only works if you are standing on the planet and also get terraformed. On the bright side being covered head to toe in leaves sort of suits you; pity about the roots though.

I wish my "mended" blow torch works tomorrow and I don't get engulfed in a fireball!

Granted, as soon as you are in the dark again however you are eaten by a Grue.

I want to be able to hear again, but to be able to switch it off at will.

Granted, but you the time limit after you switch off your hearing is that of the lifespan of a Galapagos island tortoise. So you may switch your hear off at your will but choose wisely whether you really will to do so.


I wish I had a 300mW red laser diode, driver circuits, type II phaser housing, and good soldering skills.

Granted, but due to an error reading the technical specification you don't have a 300 milli watt laser diode, you have a 300 mega watt laser diode and associated circuits. Take care what you point it at!

I wish I had ESP and that I could turn it on and off at will and make contact with anyone I choose. It would be cheaper than using the phone !

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

You have ESP just as you describe, but the X-rays that emanate from your sub-cortex (this is the mechanism you get because it's the only one so effective for long range communication) give you cancer. Everywhere. Also everybody else around you, and several people not that close.

I wish I were immune to all sorts of radiation.