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Does anyone here knows how to play Texas Hold 'Em Poker?

I've never played poker.

I know how you play:

Step 1. Deal the cards: two for me, two for you.
Step 2. Flip 3 cards off the pile and place them face up in the middle of the table.
Step 3. Show me the 2 cards which you are holding.
Step 4. Place all your money in the middle of the table and say "All in."

After that, don't worry: I'll take it from there.

Canaspie was obviously being sarcastic, but the first two steps were correct. Here's my description, I don't know how the betting works:

Deal two cards to every player.
Deal three cards face-up in the center of the table. These cards are called the "flop".
(Betting stuff happens)
Deal one more card face-up in the center of the table. This is the "turn".
(More betting stuff)
Deal the fifth and final card face up in the center. This is the "river".
(More betting)

The player with the highest scoring hand at this point wins. A player's hand includes the two secret cards dealt specifically to them at the beginning and the five face-up on the table.

Hand rankings:
Straight flush: A run of five consecutive cards of the same suit
Four of a Kind
Full House: A three-of-a-kind and a pair.
Flush: Five cards of the same suit.
Straight: Five consecutive cards of any suit.
Three of a Kind
Two Pair
Pair
High Card: At this point, it goes by the highest card in your hand or on the table.

Ties are broken by the highest card involved in the winning combination. Four aces beat four kings; 3,4,5,6, and 7 beat 2,3,4,5, and 6 as a straight.

The person with the best hand that's still in the game gets all of the chips that were bet in the round.

That's what I know, I think.

^Nice explanation. That also shows why I was being sarcastic: it took a lot less effort than actually typing out a real, complete explanation.

I don't play cards.

I stink at keeping "poker faces".

Thanks for the information!
Now I just have to apply it in practice, and hopefully I'll manage to play this type of poker.

You all may as well quit playing in this thread, because I win

And now you lose.

Are those lovely flowers for the winner?

Thank you!!

*waits with video camera ready for the moment envirozentinel sees the bee in the flowers*

Too bad for Canaspie that this particular bee preferred stinging Maple Leafs.

lol

Ten, your post has a distinct lack of Canuck-mocking.

Now that's a cone fit to be an avatar Ten.

I didn't even notice that Ten had a real cone avatar again until you pointed it out, Hatsune