Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, you now have several wooden Dalai Llamas. Maybe there is a market for them in Tibet?

I wish to sleep long and soundly tonight for at least 8 hours uninterrupted.

Granted. But you're being uninterrputed, so nobody or nothing wakes you up! Therefore you actually sleep forever!

However, I do wish I didn't have sleeping problems.

Granted. They are replaced with organ failure problems.

I wish that I owned the Japanese Rosetta Stone courses.

Granted, but it costs you $485.10, however shipping is free.



I wish I had the complete series of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager, and the A-Team.

Granted, but it's all on Betamax for some reason.

I wish that whenever someone spoke a foreign language, I would see English subtitles in the air translating it for me.

Granted, but it's pidgin English, overflowing with typos, and written in type so tiny that it requires a microphone to see it.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted, but you missed your chance.

A microphone for reading small text?

I wish that I had such a thing, so that I could analyze it.

Granted, but in the process of analyzing it, you start using the wrong words exactly the way I just did (hey, what can I say, I just had a Maker's Mark) in every sentence you speak for the rest of your life.

I wish I could drink Maker's Mark and not have any ill effects from it.

Granted. You still have ill side effects from Maker's Poptart.

I wish for a light fluffy floor of clouds to replace my current floor.

Granted, but they're clouds of sulfuric acid, and since you're heavier than air you fall right through them and have your skin disolved by the acid.

I wish I could slow down the Earth's rotation so that there were 28 hours in a day instead of 24.

Granted (by myself), but then everything would be a little heavier and my back problems would just get worse.

I wish I could understand females.

Granted, female cats.

I wish that I could see things with my fingertips.

Granted, but you soon regret the newfound ability when you go to the toilet.

I wish I had more motivation to do the things that need doing.

Granted. You'll have the motivation; you'll then forget what to do.

I wish I have the prerogative to dictate anything and anyone.

You are now employed as a personal secretary and take dictation all the time.

I wish my cup was full.

Granted. It is full--of nothing.

I wish everyone--especially me--is happy.