Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, you get your brain labotomised. You now smile and laugh all the time while dribbling out of the side of your mouth and mumbling about the wall being pretty.

I wish I had a cup of tea on my desk next to my computer awaiting me to drink it.

Granted. It is too strong and too sweet, however, and you throw some of it on your lap.

I wish I am invincible and extremely wealthy.

Granted, you are now Attila the Hun living in ancient Mongolia.

I wish for a bar of chocolate.

Granted; it melts in your hand the moment you take hold of it.

I wish I can teleport to my workplace, so I won't be late.

Granted. However, while you were out of the office they re-arranged the furniture. When you teleported into work you materialised inside a three draw filing cabinet - Ouch!

I wish I could win the last person to post thread and nobody else would post after me.

Granted, but only far in the future when this forum finally goes out of use, due to the colonization of the first planet owned by the Autistic Empire. We start a new server set there, and RightPlanet.egg is born.

I wish I had a bagel.

Perfect timing - the Bagel shop is just closing and has thrown out their unsold bagels into the garbage can. Here help yourself - just pull off the fluff and floor sweepings it will be fine.

I wish I hadn't eaten that cheese sandwich earlier - I just know it is going to keep me awake tonight.

Granted ...You ate beans instead now you are keeping everyone else awake all night....

Wish I had an ice cream sundae...

Granted, you had an ice cream last Sunday.

I wish the dog does not keep us awake tonight. He's been dreaming in his sleep and trying to run resulting in an endless scratching sound as his claws keep scraping along the walls of his den.

The dog no longer dreams about running, he now dreams about biting the big monster. He gets into your bed and in his dream he bites you !

I wish that I had a sea snake which would unblock drains for me, also the snake could earn money for me doing drains for other people.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted, I turn your pipe dream into a reality and you are flushed with success - until the snake escapes down the drain and is gone forever.

I wish my garden didn't have any weeds in it.

Granted, but instead of weeds, you now have thousands of insects that eat all your plants.

I wish I wasn't so tired all the time. In fact, I wish I didn't have to sleep at all -- ever.

Granted. But even though you do not get tired, you still get sleep deprivation.

I wish I had an iPhone.

Granted. But you become one of those annoying people that are constantly glued to their iPhone 24h a day, and while walking across the street and typing a text message you get hit by a bus.

I wish the girl that plays Jackie on That 70's Show was my girlfriend.

Granted, but she nags and whines so much, your head explodes.

I wish I had another Orange Cream soda.

Granted. But there's a snail in the bottle. (well, it used to be a snail).

I wish I could teleport.