The Really Bad Advice Thread

Post Reply New Topic

If mother’s getting too big for her britches, get her bigger pants & then tell her it’s because she’s too fat. Hope that helps.

When trying to start a conversation, look for a person with a briefcase. Sit down next to them and ask them if they brought the ransom money.
Works every time.

If you try to stoop low, somebody usually somewhere, will try to stoop lower.

If you are a shoplifter make sure you walk backwards into shops so if you get caught by the store security , the CCTV will show you already left the shop before the crime happened.

now and then, it is a good idea to strap yourself on an inversion table, and have an assistant shove food into your hoo-haw and let gravity reverse your digestive process.

Keep your car insurance records safely in your closet at home. If you ever get pulled over, the officer will totally believe this.

Whatever you do, always run with scissors.

catch a rat, and eat it alive.

If you would like to know how much you weigh , put your shoes on and stand on some scales (w) then weigh one shoe (y) , to work out how much you weigh just do the simple equation w-2y - simples

wash a dirty window with your tongue.

Save time when counting to 10 by starting at 4 or if you're really pushed for time start at 5

^ Especially when cooking, and measuring ingredients. Recipe books are written by money-grubbing teaspoon salesmen, under the dogmatic leadership of Count von Count. Don't fall for that scam!

humans should try to lick themselves clean just like animals do.

In winter , metal poles taste a bit like chocolate , if you don't believe me , lick one

more people should try driving after dark with their headlights out.