Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but when you get home you find Rick Astley waiting to give you a personal concert instead!

I wish I had a computer from the year 2030.

Granted, but it's smarter and better looking than you.

I wish it didn't always start raining half-way through the dog-walks.

Granted. Now it's raining all the way through dog walks.

I wish smoking was made illegal under penalty of death everywhere in the world.

Granted, but one day your clothes catch fire. Thankfully you manage to put them out but the anti-smoke police see you smouldering and arrest you. You are subsequently sentenced to death.

I wish there were only programmes on the television that I like.

Granted. You have a severe head injury in a car crash and your IQ drops about 40 points. Now you like the same shows as 90% of the world.

I wish there was a vaccine that made me immune to every disease in the universe.

[bragging]If my IQ was 40 points less it would still be well above average [/bragging]

Granted, you have the zombie vaccine. You are now immune to every disease in the universe, just take care that none of your limbs (ahem) fall off.

I wish for twice as much of whatever the next person wishes for.

Granted.

I wish I had a headache.

Ohhhh my head hurts.

Granted but here's some paracetamol.

I wish never to have a headache again.

Granted. All your future scheduled headaches are to be replaced with migraines instead.

I wish I could create illusionary copies of myself.

Granted, but you're the only one that can see the illusions.

I wish I could distort reality just like Neo in the Matrix.

Granted, but you actually do live in the Matrix! Oh! Look out Smith is behind you! Too late. Another Smith.

I wish I understood everything in the universe.

Granted. You now know everything and are bored to death.

I wish this site wasn't so broken.

Wish granted. But you can't see anything cuz it's covered in duct tape.

I wish I was beautiful.

Granted, you are now the most attractive square peg in a round hole.

I wish my TV set didn't keep turning itself off at random.

Granted; it keeps turning on at random.

I wish my work was less stressful.

Granted. Now you're working as a night-time security guard in a building and are bored to death.

I wish my body could produce it's own endothermic reactions to cool itself down when needed.