The Really Bad Advice Thread

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kiss a grizzly bear mother

Make sure she sees you taking her cubs away so you can give them a bath and vaccinate them.

(Also make sure your will is on file with the county first, with a DNA sample included, so they can identify you from the square inch of skin that will be all they find.)

buy a Bovie Electrocautery Unit and experiment on one's skin.

In order to learn how to play the bagpipes properly, it's best to rent a center-floor hotel room, approximately midway between the ground and top floors. For optimal acoustics, practice diligently between midnight and four a.m. every night, at the highest volume you can produce. Open all windows, if possible. (See above re: assuring that your will is on file, etc.)

play a flute with a lit and flaming acetylene torch in the mouthpiece

^^ better still, a hydrogen torch. Flame's invisible by day, won't scare you as much. Will fry you even better, though.

Hey, this is cool: I found a demo of this and it's from AuntBlabby's neck of the woods, even.

that was not amazing

All women are evil, male-hating feminists and must be brought under control and forced to obey the superior gender or face death.

eat a salad with deer ticks in it.

If you want people to treat you good, talk s**t about them in public and send them paranoid messages.

follow dogs around and eat what they drop behind them.

It is ok to chew on and swallow batteries.

To fulfill insatiable unmet childhood needs, talk constantly at other humans & make everything about you.

If you really want to break you ADHD child, just beat them and give them harsh punishments and they will stop their behavior. No more hyperactivity or impulsiveness.

Woah, we're getting pretty dark, here!

Tide Pods taste very much like yummy lead paint chips. Don't believe me? Try them and find out!

If you are a narcissist, you should definitely breed.