Corrupt A Wish

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Granted -- a big guy with big buns sits on your motorbike and bends the frame with his weight.

I wish someone else would make lunch for me today.

Granted. A bunch of cannibals make lunch for you today.

~

I wish I had unlimited funds in my bank account.

Granted, it worsens the global recession and now the entire planet wants you dead.

I wish that a nuclear war started.

Granted. Now you've become radioactive.

~

I wish I were a complete jerk.

Granted. You're such a complete jerk that everyone loves you ... for making us look like such sweethearts by comparison.

I wish I were a more patient person.

Granted. You now experience reality ten times slower than the rest of the world.

I wish someone else could come up with a witty wish on my behalf.

Granted: I wish the rainbow ended in my back yard -- with a real pot of gold.

Granted, the government have now seized your property and leave you homeless.

I wish I didn't need to wear glasses.

Granted. You're confined to an 8x12' cell, nothing to see so no need for glasses.

I wish I had some good chocolate.

Granted. You are now covered in delicious chocolate.

~

I wish McDonalds would go out of business.

Granted. Unfortunately it's the very last business to go, after the rest of the global capitalist economy crashes and burns.

I wish food quality were valued more highly than quantity in this country (USA)

Granted. All the quality control checks makes the food cost ten times as much, so we all die of starvation.

I wish I could eat anything I want without gaining weight.

Granted. You now weigh nothing, however this means that gravity has no effect on you, and you simply float away.

I wish Wendy's didn't put mayo on your hamburgers, even when you clearly order it without.

Granted. Wendy's has also gone out of business.

I wish Lucy would take care of her own darn chickens.

Granted. She 'takes care of them' in the mafia sense and now you have a chicken massacre next door.

I wish I could talk to animals.

Granted. Now you know how to say "this is my territory, keep out!" in 100s of animal languages.

I wish I could enjoy this beautiful spring weather without the pollen making me sneeze.