Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, he now smokes an opium pipe.

I wish for a clear sky to stargaze.

Granted, but the aliens have appeared and have abducted you.

I wish for an empty town on Friday morning.

Granted, when they see you coming they all run screaming from the pavements in sheer terror.

I wish not to be thumped for that.

Granted ... due to a terrorist threat, the entire town is evacuated and off limits (even to driving examiners).

I wish it were already suppertime -- going to a new Thai place tonight

Granted, as soon as you arrive at the restaurant they usher you into the kitchen and pass you an apron.

I wish for a sound nights sleep.

And that wish won't be corrupted!

I wish for a driver's license.

Can't corrupt that on either... well maybe just a little. You are now qualified to drive a tank and a steamroller.

I wish to go now. So long and thanks for all the fish!

So long and happy visit to the Never-never land!

I wish for a magic wand.

Granted. It only has half a spell in it, and the spell was 'Regenerate Spleen'.

I wish I had a Wizard's hat.

Granted. I didn't know you were a fan!

I wish my cough would go away.

Granted, its not the cough that carries you away its the coffin they carry you off in.

I wish the looming thunderstorm doesn't break. I'll have to drop my internet connection.

Granted. But due to a phone co. snafu, your dial-up internet connection goes, anyway.

I wish my new landlady will not talk me to death when I'm working with her.

Granted, she keeps resuscitating you every time you keel over, so she can talk to you some more.

I wish for my own slippers back, these are too small.

Aha, I knew you weren't really the girl the prince was dancing with at the ball! You may have fooled him, but you can't fool me. Well, granted, then, but if you give up the glass slippers you will have to go back to sweeping cinders from the fireplaces.

I wish to start waking up before sunrise again, like I used to pre-Wellbutrin.

Granted, you wake up now when the sun goes down... for some reason you have an aversion to sunlight and can no longer cook anything containing garlic.

I wish my garden weeded itself.

Granted. Neither weeds nor anything else will grow there.

I wish I had remembered to start the pot roast this morning, so I could have done it in the Crock Pot.