Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but you catch a cold from walking around in the rain all day.

I wish I could get off my lazy ass and write the rough draft to my essay that is due Monday.

Granted. You have to write the whole thing standing up.

I have to build a shed tomorrow. I wish it was already built.

Granted, unfortunatly, the only material you could find was branches.

I wish I could be more controlled with my emotions.

Granted. Your emotions are so well controlled, people call you Spock.

I wish I had just gone straight upstairs to the shower when I got home, instead of immediately turning on the computer. Now I'm sucked in.....

Granted, you get a burst pipe and are now getting a shower while sitting at the computer.

I wish for a cool glass of water with a slice of lemon

You can have your cool glass of water.

The thing is that I get a glass tube, heat it with a glass blower's oxy-propane torch and I pull it out into a very fine tube. I then take a lemon and I freeze it in liquid nitrogen. I then smash the lemon to shatter it into very small fragments. I then mix the mashed lemon with water and allow it to turn into a slurry.

I then dip the end of the very fine tube in the mixture and suck up by capillary action a very small amount of water. Here is your glass of cold water with a bit of lemon in it ! Enjoy your small drink !

I wish for a super large frog, I would be able to hold onto the back of the frog and it could jump 10 km with each hop. This would get me to work faster than my normal transport !

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted, but I don't think you have thought through the physics of this. I'm too idle to work out the exact figures, but for the frog to jump 10km with each hop would mean it would have to take off with such a high velocity that the acceleration would either throw you off or shatter all your bones or internal organs. Maybe shorter hops would have been better.

I wish for a sweet orange.

Granted! It's an apple!

I wish for a snack right now!

Granted, here is your smack:

I wish for the vegetable in my garden to grow quickly.

Granted! The next person stole it!

I wish for boxing gloves!

Granted, but how do you type with boxing gloves on?

I wish I had a magic genie.

Granted the Magic Genie comes out of your hand, making it painful if you wish to summon him.

I wish for no annoying spots or pimples to appear all over me.

Granted, your face is one big zit and it doesn't annoy you because there's a huge itchy rash on your body which takes your mind off it.

I wish I could run as fast as a gazelle?

Granted! You are now a cheetah running too fast!

I wish for the ability to fly.

Granted, but you lost the ability to land.

I wish for two pair of arms and three set of legs on each side.

Granted, but you become scorned and ostracized by society because of your physical abnormalities.

I wish the school year would hurry up and end.