Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You've been locked in a meat freezer for three days.

I wish I could travel back in time.

Granted. I`ve booked you a cab, it will be there sometime after 18:23.

I wish the mark left by the hot iron on my carpet would disappear.

Granted, all the carpet in your house has been removed.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me.

Granted, but by then you've run out of bacon so you don't care.

I wish my dog didn't find stinky stuff to roll in.

Granted, now your cat finds stinky stuff to roll in.

I wish Bill Gates was my daddy.

Granted, but he abandoned you at an early age.

I wish I could be a computer.

Granted, but you can't enjoy it because you have no emotions.

I wish I always had delicious healthy food when I was hungry, and never when I wasn't.

Granted, but you're a Sus domestica and thus will always be fat.

I wish I could be a Sus domestica.

Granted. Your life is ended prematurely to make bacon and ham.

I wish my previous wish would be granted without altering my status as human.

Granted, but you die of food poisoning prematurely.

I wish I was a Sus domestica and not die.

Granted, but you are frequently butchered for more and more meat, and treated as a gold mine of endless pork.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener!

Granted, that is what you really want to be, be, be.

I wish I was a doggie.

Granted; you are domesticated and have an abusive owner whom kicks you every day and doesn't feed you.

I wish I didn't have to make any wishes to be happy. =3

Granted; you will have to make wishes to be sad.

I wish I could plot a vacation leave right now and takes effect right now.

Granted, but the only vacation spot available is inside an active volcano.

I wish I had my own tropical island.

Granted, but it's uninhabitable due to an active volcano.

I wish my headache would subside.