Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, you've been decapitated.

I wish I could fly.

Granted, the cannon is loaded ----- *B A N G*


I wish I had more than one wish.

Granted. It was at -1, but it's not at 0.

I wish I could have all the books in the world.

Granted, however you will be serving the rest of your life in a maximum security prison performing hard labor in some remote foreign country somewhere due to the fact you where prosecuted by a World Tribunal for Organizing the International Bookies Union


I wish I were 15 years younger.

Granted, you were 15 years younger, 15 years ago.

I wish I was 20 years younger now.

Granted, you are 20 years younger than you will be 20 years from now

I wish I had slept well last night.

Granted, you slept in a well last night. Don't know how you are going to get out though.

I wish for some good news later today.

Granted, you will receive news that your basement hasn't flooded.

I wish I had an interesting idea for what to cook today, within the limited ingredients available at the Abbey.

Carmina Burana?

I wish for a nice sunny afternoon.

Carmina Burana's not food Carmina Burana Burgers maybe?

Granted, I'll take the thunderstorms here.

I wish someone would plant more tomato plants at the Abbey, and some basil.

(Roasted living swan)

Granted, someone called Basil plants some more tomato plants there in Winter.

I wish for time to stop for 3 hours.

It was granted, but only in theory.

I wish for something interesting but nonviolent.

Granted. But it's not your idea of interesting. Welcome to a 3 hour long special of Big Brother!! !

I wish I could drink alcohol and study for exams at the same time (everyone else is finished and partying)

Granted. You may drink alcohol whilst studying on condition that you turn up to sit your exams wearing a lycra Spiderman suit.

I wish first use of the BBQ grill at a party tomorrow as I am vegetarian.
I have my Linda McCartney sausages and Quorn burgers all ready.

Granted you get to use the BBQ grill first tomorrow, however a sudden downpour of rain put the BBQ out and soaks your food.

I wish for a good nights sleep tonight.

Granted, you will have a Good Knights sleep tonight once your horses and armour have turned in for the night.

I wish Heather Mills McCartney does not turn up at tomorrow`s BBQ.