Corrupt A Wish

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Granted; your next-door neighbor paints his white house red.

I wish Tony were here.

Granted. Tony the Tiger bursts in to your kitchen with a bowl of frosted corn flakes. "They're grrrrrrrrreat!!"

I wish the world were smaller.

Granted ... but human population is still huge and growing, so we're running out of water and arable land even faster!

I wish ... to log off and get ready for bed now. Ciao, people.

Granted. But you'll be dreaming of WP.

I wish I had some dinner.

Granted, you have food but also are now anorexic.

I wish everyone knew the meaning of 42.

Granted, but now no one knows the meaning of 41.

I wish my half-brother and half-sister lived within close proximity to my house.

Granted, they are now your parasitic twin hermaphrodite.

I wish time wasn't relative.

Granted, now you all live with the old woman in a shoe.

I wish I didn't have allergies.

Granted, things are now allergic to you.

I wish that the world's base counting system was binary.

Granted, but since ten fingers = base ten you need to have 8 fingers amputated.

I wish my computer suddenly became an AI and conscious.

Granted, but it's on a mission to annihilate you.

I wish to be perfectly content.

Granted, you are admitted to the asylum and pumped full of soporific drugs all day long.

I wish I could play the harpsichord.

You call that a corruption??

Granted, but it is so outdated, you can't find any to play.

I wish I was admitted to an asylum and filled with soporific drugs.

Granted, but you have to wear a straight-jacket all day and they put you into a morgue locker at night and leave you there! (re Full metal jacket, Nicholas Cage).

I wish for a suit of armour.

Eek! I'm claustrophobic!! !

Granted, but it's rusty so you can't move.

I wish for a big, comfy chair.

Granted, it even comes with leather restraining straps and what looks like a comfortable foot massage bath and some sort of metal hair dryer attached.

I wish for a cream cake.