Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You will be in a coma until your birthday begins.

I wish that I could use the Hubble Space Telescope

Granted, you are in an explosion which blasts you right into orbit and you land on the Hubble Space Telescope... feel free to use it while you are there.

I wish slugs did not exist.

Granted; but the world duck population would starve to death (hint: get some ducks!)

I wish I had a few pet dairy goats.

Granted, but their dairy makes you too fat.

I wish that Denmark hadn't lost to Japan in World Cup yesterday.

Granted, they lost to someone else instead and got eliminated.

I wish never to hear mentioned the world cup ever again - ever!

Granted, all you now hear is a vuvuzela sound: bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.................

I wish I had a delicious dinner.

Granted, the operative word being 'had' I don't know how you managed to trip and drop your plate!

I wish my tomato plants would grow faster.

Granted. They grow to over 300 miles tall overnight and you need to borrow my space shuttle to reach them and harvest them.

I wish for all the clutter in my living room to find a new home.

Granted. Its new home is in your kitchen.

I wish the US will beat the socks off Ghana tomorrow (sorry to those of you sick of football news, but it's what I wish!)

Granted, the US football team attack the Ghana team and steal their socks and are consequently banned from the cup.

I wish something interesting would happen today.

Granted. It does but while you are busy in the powder room, so you miss all the action.

I wish that the blackbirds would stop throwing the mulch about my garden.

Granted, now the blackbirds will commence to throwing mulch all about your house.

I wish for a bowl of ramen noodles.

Granted. Unfortunately your water is cut off temporarily while a pipe is being repaired, so your ramen noodles are dry.

I wish the US had won against Ghana today

Granted. There was an inquiry and the result was reversed. You were also awarded "Man of the Match" and have to take a plunge bath with the rest of the team.......naked.

I wish all foodstuffs were as longlife as the yoghurt I just threw out. It had a use-by date of 27th December 2009.

Granted, all food now has a use by date of 27th December 2009 and the world starves.

I wish gas didn't souse pain before it was passed

What, I'm supposed to not like that? Clint Dempsey by himself would be quite enough, thanks.


Granted, it waits until after you pass it, then it's excruciating.

I wish I had a wii fit.