Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. I didn't think it was so bad, here in Maryland.

I wish tomorrow would be 10 deg F cooler than they're calling for.

Granted, but the day after that will be ten degrees higher than what they're calling for.

I wish to be able to watch an episode of my History of Britain anthology tonight.

Granted, but you'll have to watch it dubbed in Cantonese.

I wish I could get all the plants in the ground today ... without breaking a sweat.

Granted, someone comes along, digs a big ditch, and dumps all your plants in.

I wish car repairs didn't cost anything.

Granted, the ground collapses under your feet into an forgotten old well, your plants and you are well and truly in the ground now, you didn't break into a sweat but need to get your checked out.

I wish Zeus would deign to throw some rain onto my garden.

Granted, you and your garden are transported to the Amazon rainforest.

I wish I could balance my tires myself.

Granted you are now a fully fledged vehicle mechanic - and can you strip down the engine and fix this 20 ton dumper truck too please by tomorrow morning.

I wish I could juggle more than 3 balls at a time.

Granted, but they're rotten eggs so you'd better not mess up and drop one!

I wish I were the kind of person I wish I were.

Granted, you wish you are reginaterrae and you are!

I wish I could have gone for a swim tonight.

Granted, your car swerves off the road and into the river... with all that bacon in the boot (trunk to Americans)!

I wish for a cup of ground coffee with a little cream and no sugar - and a chocolate biscuit too please waiter.

Granted, but you take a sip of the coffee while it's still hot and burn your tongue.

I wish for a new backpack.

Granted, but it makes a strange ticking sound and has a wire dangling from it with a button on the end

I wish to be nowhere near Descartes new backpack.

Granted, you may never enter WP again. *swings the BANHAMMER*

I wish I had something in the house for breakfast.

Granted; you can have sardines and pickles for breakfast.

I wish Uruguay would beat Netherlands today (not holding my breath, though)

Granted, they get in a huge brawl and team Uruguay beats the tar out of Netherlands. Of course, they are then disqualified.

I wish for a stomach pump after that breakfast.

Granted. I think that's corrupted enough.

I wish for a big well-equipped home kitchen.