Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but it is not in a fashionable style.

I wish for a date with Danica Patrick.

Granted, but during the date, she asks to be excused to the restroom, where she escapes out the window.

I wish to purchase a scanner sometime soon.

Granted, but you will never find enough energy to power the scanner.

I wish for the forementioned date and that she will not escape.

Granted, but it was too late.

I wish to eat some pizza right now.

Granted. Your black jellybean and sardine pizza has arrived, piping cold.

I wish for a plane ticket out of here.

Granted: but you fly through the bermuda triangle and go through a loophole to another dimesion only to join all the other lost pilots in an ill-fated mission to go back

I wish for a jar of raw honey

Granted. A jar of raw honey, spilled in your sofa cushions and all over the carpet.

I wish I didn't have to work for a living.

Granted, you are paralysed in an accident and are bedridden for the rest of your life.

I wish France telecom would make fast internet available in all rural areas.

Granted, thus initiating sprawling development of what were once rural areas.

I wish my living area were on the same floor as my bathroom.

Granted, you really should have checked those floors for termite damage before moving in and putting all that weight on them!

I wish for a telescope to stargaze.

Granted, but the celebrities sued you for stalking them.

I wish I had a puppy.

Granted. However you no longer have any shoes, as the puppy got in and chewed them all up, so you have to walk him barefoot, and man do you get over that fast.

I wish that saleswoman yesterday had been more helpful

Granted, she was so helpful she even got you to have a store card and buy lots more things that you didn't plan on buying.

I wish salespeople didn't try to push crap I don't want.

Granted, but you're so unwilling to listen you miss out on something you really needed.

I wish Landlady weren't so <i>perky</i> in the morning.


^me too, I'm normally much happier to shop without the "help" (pushiness) -- but this time I went to the brick-and-mortar shop on purpose because they were supposed to really know their stuff and I needed help finding the right product. No luck.

Granted, your landlady is not in a foul mood every morning and takes it out on you.

I wish for a little nap soon.

Granted, a la Rumplestiltskin.

I wish Cracklings would cook himself this morning.