Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but I got those pink lace panties super cheap at a police auction because a hooker died in them.


I wish for mad guitar skills.

Granted, but only on Guitar Hero.

I wish for immunity to all forms of disease.

Granted, but you never fall in love because you're immune to Love Fever & the Love Bug.


I wish I had a sandwich.

Granted, you have a chilli and jelly sandwich.

I wish for a bacon sandwich.

Granted, the bacon is raw.

I wish that I could speak Chinese.

你的愿望实现了，但你有一个谷歌微处理器安装到你的大脑。

I wish for a cup of coffee.

Granted, but the coffee's from Denny's.


I wish I could shoot laser beams from my eyes.

Granted, due to a bizarre accident involving a lorry load of laser pointers crashing into you, one gets lodged in your brain. Unfortunately surgery is too dangerous to remove it so you have to put up with being blind and brain damaged, but at least you got your wish.

I wish for a snooze for ten minutes.

We are! you mean you you aren't?

I wish I had the body of a 29 year old.

Granted, you are now a bald natural blonde.


I wish I lost 30 pounds.

Granted, your wallet gets stolen containing £30.

I wish for this garment in a larger size please.

(Oops sorry, we did a simultaneous post, happens a lot on here)

Granted, it is now four years earlier but this causes a temporal fault in space time and you hence play the violin instead of that large trumpet .... I suppose you want your wallet back too!

I wish I knew how to play the fool.