Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, it's so cushy you strain something trying to get back up out of it.

I wish I lived somewhere more private.

Granted, you now live in a shack in the middle of Arizona.

I wish I could grow melons as readily as courgettes (zuccini)

Granted ... but you can't find as many things to do with them, so most of them go bad.

I wish for some ripe figs.

Granted, but they are full of weevils.

I wish houseflies didn't exist.

Granted, but then neither would maggots, and garbage would take a lot longer to decompose.

I wish my foot didn't find its way into my mouth so often.

Granted, but it looks rather silly sticking in your nose.

I wish I were more organized.

Granted, some Mafia acquaintances organise you.

I wish the French postal/parcel service wasn't so incompetent.

Granted, but it costs so much to send anything you might as well carry it yourself.

I wish my landlady weren't so crazy.

Granted, now she's just plain mean.

I wish for something nice to happen to me.

Granted. I wonder if it's really worth the jail time?

I wish not to be introduced as "farm manager" of a farm that exists only in my landlady's imagination.

Granted, she now introduces you as the ranch hand.

I wish to go water some plants now.

Granted, however you'll have to use a leaky bucket to do it with -- remember, your watering can went on vacation?

I wish the Prior will allow me to borrow books from the Abbey library.

Granted. but he charges you $10 per book per day.

I wish something exciting would happen.

Warning: rare tornado sighting in Northern France!

I wish I had something good in the fridge for lunch.

Granted, the Pope and Jesus live in your fridge, and you invite them out at noon.

I wish I could read Latin.

Granted, but you have to attend mass every Sunday morning read entirely in Latin.

I wish I could read Latin.