Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You're neighbors, but you never meet face-to-face.

I wish every hot girl were attracted to me.

Granted, you're the Gatorade guy at the women's wrestling ring. Hot and sweaty gals, but not necessarily what every guy would consider "sexy".

I wish I could get a whole lot of work done today without getting bogged down in landlady's nuttiness.

Granted, but your work is to clean the garbage dump.

I wish I could breath water.

Granted, but you cannot breathe air, in sacfirice for being able to breathe water.

I wish for garage access to any race track in the world.

Wish granted, but the cars are gone that day.
I wish I had a unicorn.

Granted, but it turns out to be a viscious, man-eating beast.

I wish I had the 3DS before it even comes out.

Granted, but everyone shows up at your house to check it out and so a riot ensues.

I wish I was skinny again.

Wish granted, now you're a bean pole
I wish a had a coke cola

Granted, now your up all night from the caffeine.

I wish I had a real life mute button.

Granted, but the button gets stuck and now you can't hear anything ever again.

I wish I knew what to do.

Granted, you do.
Except your too scared to do it.

I wish I had a pet unicorn named spike.

Granted. Spike earned that name for a reason, and unfortunately you'll be in hospital for a while.

I wish I had the guts to do it.

Granted, and you do it so well people get angry at you.

I wish I had a tarantula named Fluffy.

granted, but fluffy doesn't like you and you end up sharing a room with princess at the hospital
I wish I had more lip balm.

Granted, you have so much that you can't walk.

I wish I weren't in this hospital with my evil twin...or is it my good twin??

Granted, but now you're sharing a cell.
I wish I didn't like sunflower seeds so much.