Corrupt A Wish

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granted you kitty is turned into a toy that is voice activated and meow is its only function

i wish for a U matic tape player

granted you can shift the shape of the freckle on the side of your nose
i wish for more sattelite tv channels

Granted. You now have 900,000,000 more channels. and all of them air nothing but absolute crap. we're talking the same level of bad as the live action shows adult swim airs that make you want to cease to exist they're so unentertaning.

and the satalite company raised your rates, too.

I wish for three uncorruptable wishes.

Granted, but since this wish isn't one of them, the price is four incorruptible wishes.

I wish for another cactus.

Granted. You get a tall and freakishly topheavy cactus that always falls on top of you as you walk past it. prickly!

I wish more things were the color blue.

Granted. You're cyanotic.

I wish I knew how to throw parties.

Granted, you can throw a party like nobody else ... you show up and it all just goes out the window.

I wish I were happy.

Granted. You're in a perpetual state of blissful ignorance, with a mind blank of all save happiness, which you will enjoy for as long as your family or friends or an institution deign to keep you alive.

I wish I hadn't agreed to do that.

granted you have to do something 20 times worse

i wish for world domination

Granted, but constantly looking over your shoulder for rebel assassins causes you to retreat into paranoid seclusion only a few weeks later, and your empire crumbles. You now must live your life constantly on the run from vindictive vigilantes, always changing identities as you've become the new hitler.

I wish I had a nice RV and could drive far away and live in the boondocks.

Granted, but a tacky RV park grows up around you within a year.

I wish I can get through a 2-year forestry degree without taking on any debt.

then I'll just drive somewhere else. that's why RVs > Houses

Granted, but you get eaten by a mountain lion your first day on the job.

I wish I could stay awake indefinitely and suffer no ill effects from doing so.

Granted. It's going to annoy the heck out of your (eventual) spouse, though.

I wish to finish reframing the kitchen window and get the new bathroom base trim measured and cut before pt today.

I'm an asexual and have no intention of ever having any relationship with anyone.

you're really bad at corrupting my wishes

Granted. In a feat of super-human speed, you finish all the work in a flash, but the strain causes irrevocable and severe muscle damage that leaves you bed-ridden the rest of your natural life.

I wish my cloak wasn't burnt and torn up