Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. Your house is now broken and burnt instead.

I wish every webcrawler would obey the robots.txt for my blog.

granted, but the robots.txt deem everyone a webcrawler and prevent them from any access to your blog.

I wish for a legion of mace-wielding trolls that obeys my every command.

Granted, but they bring along the wrong kind of mace and wield it with poor precision. Your eyes burn.

I wish I could teleport wherever I like, whenever I like, while remaining in one piece.

granted you teleport 210 years into the past and your teleporter breaks down and you dont have any of the components required to repair it
looks like you are stuck!

i wish i wasnt bored

Granted, the a band of marauding Vikings is after you.

I wish I didn't have to be the bad guy.

Granted. Now you're the extra that dies in the first 15 minutes.

I wish I had a long, catlike tail

Granted. You now have a 500 meter-long cat-like tail. It's so heavy that you can't even walk around.

I wish I was a bit better at corrupting wishes.

Granted, you're imperceptibly better at corrupting wishes.

I wish I didn't need to sleep.

granted you become an insomniac

i wish the world was all different shades of blue

Granted. Cataclysmic flood ho!

In light of said flood, I wish I could breathe underwater

granted you are now a fish

i wish that channel 7 started showing a show called hey dad again

Granted, it starts showing a new show called Hey Dad Again. The show is absolutely nothing like you were hoping for.

(betamaxx, I already am... I'd just like that not to make me tired!!)

I wish 60% of the population of America were Aspies.

Granted. Because of our anti-social tendoncy, the government quickly collapses. Furthermore, NT is now classifid as a mental disease. Wrong Planet becomes "The Online Recourse Community for people who were formerly considered 'normal' but now are classified as sufferers of diagnosed NT".

I wish I had a sexy girlfriend.

i wih for a digital cassette recorder