Translate the colloquialism of the poster above you

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"You can't compare apples and oranges" -> "You should not try to compare these two things"

"Can't complain" -> "It is now your turn to say something"

"hooked up" -> "had meaningless sex with"

"WHAT?!" -> "Think about what you just said or did and try to identify the rule which you violated. Note it for future reference."

"Would you like to come up for coffee?" -> "Let's have sex."

"if you get what I'm saying" -> "I just said something which may be interpreted sexually. The joke is that I will not explicitly say this interpretation, because I assume you will have come to the same conclusion."

"[syllable]f*cking[syllable]" -> "I am emphasizing what I am saying, for extra emphasis."

"I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle." -> The most terrible insult imaginable in the Vl’hurg tongue. Don't worry about it unless you do not own a small dog.

"How are you?" -> "Hello"

"How's it hanging?" -> "Hello"

"You see, five years ago my neighbor Marge, who has that cute little dog who was run over by some drunk driver (praise the lord, nothing like that has ever happened to me) said that her friend who's friends with the uncle of the nephew of the mayor of the town next to the place where we spent that afternoon riding llamas (I still have the picture after all these years, you looked adorable when the llama spat on you) said that he might have the best cheesecake recipe ever" -> "Hello"