Sarcastic comments by authority figures

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This was in an email my grandmother sent me. Normally, I just delete these, but I thought they were fairly good enough to share.

Thanks for that, found very amusing - I know I shouldn't of course!

I think they're all American, but I'm sure that Aussie or Kiwi police do say these things, not to mention the teachers.

I've heard one through twelve when I was in grades one through twelve.....
I'm still around and my teachers are not....

I'm sure I've read that before but back then (years ago) it was a list of things that ARMY captains had written on performance reports for soldiers. Nothing to do with school.

I have a book somewhere of genuine comments made by the (British) armed forces, all along these lines. Will try and find if I remember...

Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together..
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

http://www.findcliches.com/

This was sent to me a while back, and proports to be evaluations on employees by their bosses:

>1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."


2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."


3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a

definite won't be."


4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a

trap."


5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."


6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."


7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."


8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."


9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."


10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all

together."


11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."


12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."


13. "He's been working with glue too much."


14. "He would argue with a signpost."


15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."


16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."


17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."


18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."


19. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."


20. "He's got two brains cells; one is lost and the other is out looking

for it."


21. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."


22. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."


23. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."


24. "One neuron short of a synapse."


25. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."


26. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."


Some of them are the same. Still funny.

I always liked

If he was any smarter, he would be a moron.

Amusing thread.

Fairly repetitive though.

My favorite one is "There's a few bricks missing from his building."

One of my school reports actually contained the line 'His get up and go has got up and gone!'

The lights are on, but nobody's home.