message from NT Whackamoco research limited.

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Hi,

Greetings from Whackamoco Research.

We have discovered your website and are currently looking for Aspergers to take part in a few brief experiments. These experiments will be used to detemine your degree of antisocial response to certain images. Please tell us on a scale of one to ten how disturbing you find them.

Over the decade we have spent millions of dollars in research and our tentative findings are Aspergers types like you do not like being stared at by stary people. We didn't bother to ask you about this directly because we are aware you would not understand such a complex concept, or maybe you would start talking about innapropriate stuff like worms.

With your consent we would like to show you the first image.

Please do not respond with any worm related comments,this is not a worm thread. If you have ant difficulty understanding the question please contact me.

So if, you guys ready here is the question. Please make sure you have thought about it before responding- responding means answering OK)

Please note any trauma claims resulting from viewing this image must be directed to our head of legal services and will probably be rejected.

So on a scale of one to ten, how stary is this lady?

Are there any high functioning Aspergers here who can count to ten, because we still have to do more research to determine this
issue. We are curently in the middle of raisng funding for this project.

If none of you can count to ten (10) then just rate very stary, not very stary, not stary.

Thank you all for taking part.

Prof. Naom Crankfuastpanzr Head of NT research and devlopment.

She's very stary. When do I get to meet her?

I am afraid we are unable to communicate offers of interspeciation to our models. We do however have some plastic badges with " I passed a Gaze Aversion Test" waiting for dispatch heading to anyone who has taken the time and considerable trouble to participate in the project. They only cost 5 Euro.

Limited Edition Poster sized images (used) of "Nadir "are also available to order and cost 175.00 Euro. ( If you find blue stuff on the back of the poster please remember it is not edible.)

Both these items are available from Whackamoco Marketing and you get the badge free if you buy the poster.

Thank you for you response Mr.Oddone.

Does this apply to blue stuff on the back of posters generally, or merely on the back of your used posters of Nadir?

Dear Professor Crankfuastpanzr, whilst I would love to participate in your market research I have some initial concerns I would like addressed.

Firstly, I am one of those afflicted with the curse of not being able to count to ten, I can get to six quite easily, but generally get lost at seven. I once made it to eight, but ten still eludes me to this day. The concern I have with the substitutional grade you have provided is that it makes me feel self-conscious about this affliction, and doesn't allow me to learn or improve on past conquests of reaching eight. This thought leads me to severe anxiety and stress levels multiply exponentially, making an accurate assessment just the opposite - inaccurate.

Secondly, I find the implication that we are required to 'read' the physical appearance of this lady based on your presumption that she is (sic) 'stary'. For all we know she could be lightly flatulent (which would be in accordance with her tilting her body to relieve the pressure - note the slightly raised left shoulder.) or suffering a mild brain infarction. She could be attempting to appear seductive in a somewhat aloof manner, or she could he harboring murderous tendencies towards the subject of her gaze and we are seeing the moment she is about to snap.
I therefore feel it naive of me to class her as being 'stary' to any degree, as it is assuming an unpredictable and unreliable state of being of the subject in question. The thought of having to do so makes me highly uncomfortable and really nauseous, leading me to believe that any proper input on my behalf would be askew if not slightly vomit-drenched.

Thirdly, I question the motives of a company so-called Whackamoco research limited. Whack-a-Mole is a well known physical interaction based game popularized by arcades and fairs, and has on some accounts been far too damaging to the very people you are currently targeting in your research. We do not respond well to loud, sudden noises, rapid interactions or taunting figures that require us to react in violent and vicious manners.
I, on behalf of the Aspergers people, protest the idea of 'stary' formats being applied to this already anxiety-ridden so called game and despise the guise of 'Whackamoco' to alleviate your responsibility in connection to damages caused by the original game.
Just imagining requiring to combine Whack-a-Mole with 'stary' people-like figurines puts me in a highly frightful mindset, where I feel I would lash out at the nearest perceived threat within any second doing myself and anyone nearby physical harm, which would not be conducive for a proper test environment, leaving the results incomplete, black and possibly also blue.

Fourth, the word 'stary' is far too close to a similar word: starry.
This makes me scared to think that your company might possibly be a cover for some form of extra-terrestrial research that is not intended for any earth based applications, and in fact may be used for evil to some degree. I do NOT consent to the use of data gathered from my results for anything other than earth based applications, so if you are in fact extra-terrestrial your research results from myself will be legally invalid and gained in morally deceitful ways.
The thought that this might be the case sends me in 'a right tizzy', and surely does not bode well for my capacity to provide rational thought or properly approach market research in any sane way. My results I feel would be irregular and unconventional at best, if not rather paranoid.

Finally, I find the lack of information, both personal and contact, regarding the head of legal services to be highly improper. A company of your stature should always be able to release such details to the public it is attempting to attract in order for any complaints or problems to be properly and promptly addressed by the relevant authorities. As this information is not given to us, there is no comfort gained in having a proper authority figure to question regarding anything that I may have brought up in the previous points.
Having no such figure puts me in a severely confused and worried state, leading me to believe that this so-called company may lack the proper resources for correct contact with the people you wish to gleam results from. The aforementioned paranoia becomes higher and thus severely skews any usable results to the point they would have to be exchanged film-noir style in a dark car park. Bring a trenchcoat.

I thank you for taking the time in addressing the concerns I have brought up, I feel it only right to bring up these problems before going ahead with any actual answering of the question as I would not feel comfortable that the answer I would manage to give (if any!) would be fully accurate and representative of both myself and the target audience this test is aimed at.

Sincere regards,

Hubert P. Summersmith

P.S. I shall attempt just one more time; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven... eight....... dang it!

Dear Mr Oddone, please note any advice offered by my company to yourself is simply advice .Generally speaking the blue stuff on the back of all posters is not considered edible . Having spoken to our collegues and discussed this matter at great length we feel it fair advice. However one of my collegues does remember a blue coloured chewing gum this may or may not be edible to you but is occasionally found on the back of some posters. We do not advise you to try eating this before carrying out further rigorous tests. Do you happen to know any funding bodies which may be interested in supporting this valuable experiment into food saftey analysis? Thank you for suggesting the exciting new field.

Please contact Dr. Ivan Gropenoid head of our Russian food and clinical anaylisis/alergy testing team, and claim your free air ticket to spend some time in one of Whakamoco's modern research facilities. All meals of course will be provided for free. This former Russian gulag has outstanding panormic views of the Siberian Tundra and all the ice you will need for any soft drinks.

7

11.7

Tallyman . My US team are sceptical, to say the least ,that you have exceeded the numerical recognition limit imposed by your condition. We believe, strongly this is a random use of numerals, so please demontrate how you were capable of arriving at this figure.

We call this limitation the Aspergers Decimal Barrier and is well doccumented in our accademic research.

Please note you will not get a badge unless you provide us with your fomula.

Fitfully yours,

Prof N. Cranfurstpanzr.

Dear Mr. Nebulo,

I really must apologize for taking my time to reply. One of our key Austrailian fundraisers has had a little difficulty in a UK court regarding one of his publications. All I can say is he is an utterly honerable man and he never intended to bug or harass any of the subjects of his journalism.

Anyway I digress.

1. Nebulo, we at Wackamoco feel you numerical pain, please understand this is a kind of avanced empathy way beyond your sphere of awareness. This is why kind ,normal people like my benefactor friend who controls a lot of buisness wishes to give us free money to help you as you struggle through life. His heart broke and he cried in public when I told him about the Decimal Barrier. He has invested some of his company funds in developing medications for your sub species with the genuine hope that you evolve. This has nothing to do with tax loopholes or profit as some of our hideous detractors would have you believe.


2. Having spoken to the director of Daughters Of Former KGB Officials For Western Wives Import , one of our sister companies, I can assure you Nadir is fully heath checked and suffers none of the symptoms you ascribe to her. Prior to import she has only spent two years in medical testing which is the saftey limit agreed by our stringent, internal health board. Hence eno damage could have occured.

3. I have never heard of Whakamole. Is this a rival company testing rodent-human interaction ? Perhaps you were in a confused state or even abducted by them ,given the less than lucid descriptions of their research programmes. Here at Whackamoco we can proudly assert their are few rodents and we have a non abduction policy in the USA.


4. We spent nine months and considerable funding devising accuract linguistic terms for this project and eventually the breakthough came when Team 7 relaised you simply would not be able to understand a more complex word than Stary.


In response to your general question I have many adresses and you simply would not be able to calculate the correct one during my time of residence. I know it is hard being told this sort of fact by a member superior species to yourself butmy dear friend, you must embrace these harsh truths about your condition.

Perhaps you would like a free box of Urkrainebluemint chewing gum to cheer you along your way? I have a box somehwere right by me. There are few side effects and it will help with the concentration.

Yours

Prof. N. Crankfuastpanzer

This is great.

More, please. More.

I find it hard to assess how stary the lady is. In a still photograph one cannot determine someone's stariness rating because it captures only a split second in time.

Who knows whether she is the type to just fleetingly glance in this direction every now and then during conversation, or whether she is the type whose eyes stare at you continuously?

Last edited by all_white on 07 Jul 2011, 1:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Only if you come out from under your basket.

Professor Crankfuastpanzr

Thank you so much for your kind offer of an opportunity to take part in clinical tests on the edibility of blue substances found to the rear of used posters at your Siberian research facility. It would be a great privilege to assist in some small way the development of human knowledge. I have no doubt that Doctor Gropenoid indeed an expert in his field and that as a research subject I would be in safe hands.

Unfortunately due to work commitments I am obliged to decline this kind offer. My post as Window Licker in Chief at Sydenham Borough Council is extremely busy. You could not possibly imagine the square acreage of windows owned by even a small local authority, all of which require regular licking. To add to my woes, my Deputy Window Licker in Chief was made redundant earlier this year as a consequence of Government cuts. It's therefore quite impossible for me to take any further annual leave in the current financial year.

I wonder if you would be so kind as to advise on the edibility of other blue substances? I was thinking of eating a minor member of the British Royal Family, who as you will be aware, have blue blood. Presumably in place of the haemoglobin found in the blood of mere commoners a copper based metalloprotein such as haemocyanin is used for the transport of oxygen and carbon dioxide around the body.

Your advice on this urgent matter would be greatly appreciated.

With kind regards

Oddone

Fenestraphilia is one of our proposed areas of research. Due to the practicallity of conducting window licking experiments in Siberia we are currently fitting heated circuits to our window glass at ground level. Health and saftery inspectors have prevented us from allowing subjects to use ladders to reach what would be previously pristine glass sufaces. We saw no point in trying to bribe the inspectors over such a trivial matter.

Regarding the legality of eating a member of The British Royal Family. I am afriaid to inform you this breaks several laws
in your country , and my legal advisor suggests it may infact seriously contavene international laws as well.

We are sure you won't understand the legal side of things, so our Head of Subject Testing has asked me to tell you " The Royal Family will taste yucky so it's better not to try to eat them."



Prof.Gnome Crankfurstpanzr