ephemerella wrote:
10. Shop for jewelry wearing a Santa suit and carrying a bell, pay with money from a bucket labelled "Salvation Army"
9. Insist on your legal right as a person with a "pediatric disorder" to buy shoes of mismatched sizes.
8. Loudly demand a job, challenge the gift-wrap specialist to a bow-tying contest, and "let the best man win"
7. Appear at the pharmacy repeatedly with a survey, asking what the pharmacist recommends for various problems
6. Ask the makeup counter ladies to put "guy makeup" on you, then hit on them excitedly when they touch your face
5. Keep saying loudly that you won't buy a store gift card cause you heard it's filing for bankruptcy in December
4. Alarm customers by warning that there is a Code Orange alert that "the NTs are hitting stores this Fall"
3. Start praying aloud in the store for God to stop the foreclosures and feed the kids looking in the store windows.
2. Get on your cellphone and get into a loud fight with a senator over whether $300 million is enough for your company's bailout
1. Bring your glasses, cane and "seeing eye cat" into the store; insist on going wherever the seeing eye cat goes
Lists like these have been going around on the internet for ages. Among the best i've heard:
1. Go up to a random employee and say, in a serious tone, "we've got a code 3 in housewares" just to see what happens
2. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
3. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
4. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
5. Get boxes of a random, embarrassing product and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
6. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say random things like "the fat man walks alone..." and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
7. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
8. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
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here be dragons