Getting a life.

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Thanks for all of the responses I have received here. I found a book club that meets in the part of town where I live. I plan to attend the first meeting toward the end of the month. I would like to find things that will enable me to meet like-minded people in addition to things that will be enriching to me. I know a lot of people who have the mentality of "Well, I'm not in school anymore so I don't have to learn anything new." I only work part-time so that is why I have so much time on my hands. I do enjoy being around other people but a lot of times when I spend my time doing things that are purely social in nature I feel frustrated because it just isn't very satisfying to me. Sometimes routines need to be changed and it's hard to break out of patterns that I have become accustomed to. So I have a lot of time on my hands to fill. I do some volunteering once a week at a place that serves homeless women and children but obviously that isn't enough. I have done the clubs/party thing already and need to move onto something else but not just sit at home and let life pass me by. I enjoy posting and reading on forums such as Wrong Planet but have found that meeting people online hasn't worked out very well. Particularly it doesn't work out well to meet someone of the opposite sex and then meet up in person. Inevitably there is a good rapport online but then when I meet the guy in person it fizzles and I never see them again after meeting them on one occasion. I have always done my best to be honest about who I am without giving away information that would be unsafe for a complete stranger to know. Would it be better if I had a picture of myself posted perhaps? I gave an honest description of myself but nonetheless I sensed disappointment from the other person.

As a kid I took piano lessons and enjoyed them very much. After my parents divorced my life was filled with disruptions and a lot of things fell by the wayside. I don't have a piano now but perhaps learning to play a musical instrument would be a good way to fill the time. I have always loved to hear music from harps and dulcimers (hope I spelled that correctly). I have a short story I am working on now about two people who die in a car accident who must now give an account of their lives. One person is a conservative politician and the other is a peace activist. Both people are convinced that they lived good lives but they hurt people in ways they never thought about. The point of the story is not so much to preach a certain religion; rather it is to show how people loudly point to the shortcomings of people on the opposite ideological spectrum yet fail to see their own shortcomings.

Lovely response, autisticdiva ! !!
I'm glad to see that you are following through on this. So many of us isolate ourselves, and then later regret not having accomplished certain things.

AutisticDiva, What activities do you enjoy? give all of them, even if they seem dull or solitary.

I'm 43 years of age. I don't feel I need to go to clubs or bars to "have a life." My life consists of work, time spent with family and pets and on my favorite Internet sites.

Most local newspapers have a day when they have a “community” insert. It lists continuing activities, some 6 or 8 week classes (like pottery) and one time or annual events.

The book club sounds good. Meeting people with similar interests is a great way to stimulate the brain. Piano as well because you can do it alone and enjoy it. Keep writing your story, because that is a good way to work out personal angst. You seem like a very interesting person!

Meeting people in person you meet online is not usually safe. Posting a picture, however, makes you less of a mystery and may make someone recognize you. Do an avatar that resembles you, but not a real pic.

I remember clubbing at 20-26. We used to see people at the club in their 30’s wondering why they had no life. I quit clubs at 32. The noise became too unbearable, and when I looked around I saw a bunch of 20 year olds looking at me wondering why I had no life.

Travel or learn something new, change something in your life even something small

Hi again. I just ordered the book for the book club meeting next week and will pick it up after work today. . So I'm starting to get the ball rolling on assembling some sort of life for myself that doesn't involve bars and clubs etc. I have decided that the left wing character and the right wing character in my story with both be made to look in a crystal ball to see both the good and the bad things they did while they were here on earth. I decided to have them each have a fight with each other during which they accuse the other of having a worse life than they themselves had. I dragged myself out of the house to go see an independent film at a local library about some incidents in American history in which African Americans were forced to leave their land with the threat of violence and how there are some towns today that remain virtually all-white. This was quite thought provoking, as it caused me to ponder whether anything can really be done to correct the injustices of the past. By this I mean the issue of reparations. In the film there were descendents of the people whose land had been taken over by someone and the original owners were not even able to sell the properties and get money for them. A title search was done and it was confirmed that the people who took the land after the black people were forced off of the land simply moved in and then sold it to other people even though they had never been owners of the land. The film mentioned the fact that the U.S. government made reparations to Japanese Americans interned during WWII and how Germany gave Holocaust survivors compensation.

Next on my agenda is dusting off my gym membership and setting foot in the gym once again. It will be nice now that the New Years crowd will have thinned out . I visited an assisted living place and decided it would be a good place to volunteer some time to.

I am glad I am not the only person who would feel ridiculous to be going to a club with a bunch of twenty year olds . I'm no cougar, but on the other hand I'm sure not ready to sit in a rocking chair either by any means.

Exercise gets those endorphins flowing, which will leave you with a sense of greater inner peace.

Well, here's an update on my quest to somehow put a life together for myself. I went to a book club meeting last night and had a nice time. And, I did not just sit like a bump on a log; I contributed a few comments to the discussion. It was an all women meeting although not purposefully so; I guess book clubs generally don't have a lot of men who attend. But that's o.k., because I went to get out of the house and do something different, and so I accomplished what I set out to do. It's cold and gloomy so I had to wrench myself out of my nice warm apartment. I met with a fitness coach at they gym I belong to and decided to start a cardio workout utilizing two different machines. I will exercise for 20-30 minutes on both a treadmill and an elliptical machine. Somehow splitting up the workout makes it seem more doable. The New Year's crowd has thinned out, so that's a good thing . The book club meets once a month but it's a good start. Since it is so cold and gloomy I think I will actually go to see a movie in a theater this weekend instead of just watching a DVD at home.

We all need to live!! !

haha im old im 20

yea well

Things you can do:

Join a whole lot of clubs..

Sports chess etc tai chi... what ever is interestin for YOU

UM date?

um play sport

do art?

do do do...

have a organiser... KEY

schedule in events holidays etc...

is work boring perhaps switch.... but what can u swith too?

DO you want to help with asperger awareness well cool do that..

perhaps start an adult asperger group..

lol sure to be some exciting people there eh eccentric

haha... well yea age is only a number go to the clubs

play pool just do it eh... IM finding it hard living atm because I've stopped drinking lol... yea
\most of my mates just drink to be social / thats how they live...
LOL i tell myself i can be silly without alcohol hmm...

OK and to do more U NEED ENERGY.. SO do exercise in the morning!! gives off energy get good sleep
eat healthy yea get energy do stuff live

what are your dreams?

haha what did you want to "be" when you were a kid? what work you do..

there you go from a young perspective

Yea cool a book club well thats a start eh

and excercise yip u on your way haha

now i need to live

Yea theatres are more of an "experience"

I guess living is experiencing


haha

I think taking classes is good.

You get tomeet adults and there is a structure going on so you don't have to worry about small talk, just stick to the subject.

I f you want a lot of these groups end up doing out afterwards. I tried a couple of times but thats when you're down to just conversation ans I dont do well. Or maybe I do, i still don't enjoy it.

Things I have done to simulate having a life:

took a sign language class (at local adult ed. classes are about $30)
took quilting class at adult ed
took word working class at adult ed
took botany classes at local university
volunteered to work with foster kids (did for about 2 years)
I like baseball so I went on craigslist and found a woman my age to go to games with
joined a book group (went for about a year)
learned to make jewelry
made some furniture
bought a fixer-upper (oh how I long to call the landlord to mow the lawn or fix the roof)

I want to do things, but I don't really want any emotionally needy people aournd (NoT that I mean any particular type of person) so these activities fill the bill. I can go to quilting class and chat with the ladies and then go home and be my aspie self. Rainman bonus: some quilts involve math formulas.

The Book Club is all ladies, eh? Maybe you should go to those events where an author talks about their book. More men might be there, depending (of course) on the subject of the book. I just recently went out and bought an older film camera as I've been frustrated with my digital camera. I was delighted to find out I could afford a nice film camera now ! ! I may go take a course in photography ...

I have found that "getting a life" is growing, expanding, and sharing in a positive way, and it doesn't always have to be with people. If you're willing to make the adjustment and pay the extra expense (which according my my Quickbooks is about 3% of my gross income), get a dog! Dogs are great for Aspies for a number of reasons:
1. Unconditional love
2. They are very sensitive and will read you correctly where people won't
3. They don't care what you look like or what your damage is, they don't hold grudges either
4. If you care for them like you should, you'll walk them everyday. When you walk a dog:
a. You both enjoy yourselves
b. People approach you in a positive way to ask about your dog. Side benefit: dog lovers automatically like other dog lovers
5. Dogs love routine like Aspies do
6. Dogs are genuinely interested in you
Some words of advice though:
While dogs are relatively easy to keep, they do require a sustained commitment. They need veterinary care, exercise, and most importantly companionship (they actually suffer ill health if they don not get enough interaction). If you live alone you should get two dogs too keep each other company while you're at work. While taste in dogs varies, I personally like little dogs (6 to 9 pounds). They are easy to clean up after, easy to carry, they are not too destructive, and they tend to have big personalities. As an extra benefit, girls (and men too) like them as well. Although dog breed is a matter of personal taste. My boss (a woman) loves big dogs exclusively and her two big dogs are in many ways more mellow than my little ones. There are pros and cons to different types, but a dog's size isn't nearly as important as it's personality.
In my estimation, dogs are a good way to explore expanded responsibility without the downside of human interaction, but with the plus side of unconditional friendship.