Adult Aspies 'coming out' to family...any experiences?

Post Reply New Topic

My mom was in denial when I told her.
Since I had a diagnosis written down for me, I showed it to her. My sister suddenly entered the room and I could not find that paper.
My mom had hide it away. She told me not to tell anyone at church.
Somehow she knew that I could say inappropriate things at church.

i regret telling my sisters and mother...
futile, probably having aspergers isn't the worst
thing, it's having people in my life who don't care,
better being dead.

my mom when she scolded us when i was small
used to say.."if i knew you'd be this incorrigible,
i should not have given birth to you"

wish i could be independent, coz i seriously hate them.

Hrm, well mine knew that i had some problems, i already had ADD, and meh, adding Asperger to the list didn't seem to bother them much. My brother and sister though who are younger (by no more than 3 years for my sis, 1 year 1/2 for my brother), they often lacked respect towards me, calling me names. But i still love them after all. :> (ah, my little brother is actually taller than me and doesn't enjoy when i tease him calling him "little" brother, might be related)

It is pretty banal.

One is like Oh neat, the ohter is like WOW cool!

They are nice and I like the way it is just liike Hmmm. I would hate them to think OMG!

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 30 years old (I'm 32 now) and my parents were in their 50's. My parents have said almost nothing about it since I told them about it roughly at the same time I was diagnosed. My father obviously has undiagnosed Asperger's, but isn't interested in learning anything about it (especially from me). I think that strongly acknowledging the diagnosis would require them to face up to my father's Asperger's (his personality is similar to mine).

I have told some other close acquaintances, and generally they don't have very strong reactions. I think most people don't know enough about Asperger's to have a well informed reaction to disclosure. So if they are wise they don't have much of a reaction and if they have an intolerant streak then they may shun you or do something foolish. Hopefully, awareness of ASD will lessen this ignorance over the course of time. Think of things like depression they are better accepted now then they once were. ASD's would probably benefit from some militant activists to move this trend along, but given Aspie's general social reticence activism is more common from parents. Unfortunately, this sometimes distorts the genuine interests of those with ASD's.

My biggest problem with disclosure is that I have become obsessed with it. I spend a lot worrying about whether I should tell individuals that I get along with well. Historically, I never have been able to form friendships, so the idea/delusion is they will do they heavy lifting of friendship forming that I have no idea of how to accomplish.

My parents and I have not always had the best relationship but it became pleasant when I was forced to move out on my own shortly after high school graduation. Now that I am thirty my mother and I get along, but I sometimes wonder when the shoe will drop.

Anyway, I told her shortly after I found out. Her response was "the doctors think one of your brothers has AS as well" and that was it.

I have decided NOT to tell my parents. I have horribly embarassing memories of my mother standing me in front of the whole class and explaining to them that I wore hearing aids. I fear the same sort of thing would happen, her needing to "explain" me to everyone. I think I'll pass. My dad, well he'd just call it an excuse. Mostly because he has a lot of traits himself.
I have told my uncle, who I suspect has it too, but he's not telling anyone either.
My husband knows, of course. And is fine with it.
I think I'll just leave it at that.

When I told my brother, he said "it's time for Jeopardy". That was what he remembered from the movie Rain Man. (What I remembered from the movie was how LOUD the music was at the beginning.)

When I told my mother she said "well, what do you want me to do about it????" as if I wasn't asking for help (as if I hadn't been asking for help for many years). She also decided that that meant I hadn't been sexually abused after all. She was useless.

I have no idea how my father or sisters feel about it, since I haven't spoken to them since before the diagnosis (11 years ago). You'd think my sisters'd be concerned, in case they ever have children.

Nobody seems to have a clue what it means. Either that or they do and they're ducking to get out of helping me. The greatest sin is not being financially independent. If I were financially independent they'd probably be glad to talk about it.

What's interesting is that my brother's gay, and he never officially came out. One day we just figured it out, because we finally knew what it looked like. For me autism is the opposite: they don't get it (and have to be told, but still don't get it) because they don't really know what it is or what it looks like.

Mostly telling them was a complete waste of time. They're either already there for you, or they're not.

I told my younger sister, and she said, "I don't think you have it", its hard enough trying explain this too people who are unwilling to read the symptoms, she finally came to the conclusion I was an Indigo Child, WTF!, that one stumped me, had to look that up on wikipedia, so I gave up trying to explain AS to family or friends, if this is the reaction I am going to get.

Sounds like you Guys had the same experience as me. Can't do anything about it, there is no support group for adults who have suddenly realised that all their problems in life stemmed from aspergers. It's difficult to comprehend that asperger's has probably always existed. Did People in the past with Asperger's succeed in life, or did they end up as social misfits? I keep noticing rumours of various famous people from the past as having had aspergers, but could they have been socially adjusted enough to have climbed that greasy pole in order to have fulfilled their ambitions? I find that hard to believe.

My dad tells me I don't have it unless it has adult onset. As he was never around during my childhood, how he could deduce that is beyond me so I never speak to him of diagnosis and won't tell him results at the end of the process.

My mum swings between telling me I'm not autistic to rhyming off "quirks" that never quite made sense to her as I grew up that are listed as diagnostic criteria. She hopes I get the result I want but then tells me the dx process is too painful and questions why I do it. She also believes positive self talk will solve my lifelong problems.

In the end, I don't think either deserves to know or will care as they are always right and I am always wrong.

I wont 'come out' to anyone else in my family as I can't be bothered with the rain man jokes or autism rocks jokes complete with rocking actions.

I posted similar in another thread and seems better here. Sharing with my parents helped me.

Specifically, my Mother related things from my early childhood that was consistent with an AS diagnosis. Not only that, she saw some of the traits in herself from childhood. She says that she either had an extremely mild case or too many years of coping, as she doesn't see it as a problem any longer. If either of my parents, I would have thought, before this, my Father was somewhere on the spectrum. He has much more obvious signs (unresponsive when focusing, hand flapping/clapping and other stimming in public, obsessive interests, lack of ToM, etc). My Mother is much more like me. We have our share of typical symptoms, but we observe, internalize, and cope.

However for me, it shows a genetic link and the information about my early childhood was useful for diagnosis.

Luckily, my family knew nothing of Asperger's. I was able to ask some questions without them having a bias either way. Afterwards I explained it to them and gave them some resources. I almost regretted this, since it brought on repeated calls and text for the next few days about some information they had found and how it realed to my childhood.

Although since then it has never been brought up again. It's typical in my family to just not talk about anything meaningful related to personal matters, however I was hoping this would be an open thing that they could help me with. Guess not. However, I know they are supportive in our own way.

I sent my Mom an email to let her know that I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and she never answered it. She probably feels like it will somehow reflect badly on her.

I don't know about everyone else in my life. I am still deciding who to tell. I am inclined to be open about it. I don't have any real close friends so I don't have too much to worry about there.

I am a 24yo adult male. I came out to 3 members of my family as I have many signs of someone with Asperger's. I will be seeing a psychiatrist ASAP.

My fundamentalist Christian dad disagreed and said I was experiencing "Demonic Oppression"
My older brother disagreed and blamed my behavioural abnormalities on excessive computer use.
My mother did not agree or disagree.