Fairly certain I have Aspergers. What do you think?

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Hello,

I just wanted to get some feedback from fellow aspies. I'm a 24 year male, living independently for 6 years and am currently a self employed consultant (programmer). I have not been clinically diagnosed with aspergers (in fact my GP never heard of it). I had heard of aspergers before as my cousin's son has it. That was a few years ago. Though I remembered reading about it and couldn't get over how much it sounded "like me". I have recently been diagnosed with chronic tension headaches and put on a low dose tri-cyclic anti-depressant in the evening to fight the headaches that were diagnosed as caused by anxiety. After 5 months of daily headaches they finally subsided!

While reading on anxiety I was again came across articles related to aspergers, depression and anxiety. I read much more in depth on the subject and discovered since childhood I have had many / if not all common traits of aspergers. I just wanted to give some examples of what I noted and get feedback from those who may experience the same thing.

-As a child I would lift my hands and very quickly scratch behind my ears and neck for a few seconds whenever I was excited. I still do it occasionally to this day, except now the tick manifests itself as a semi stretch with no scratching

-As a child I was obsessed with ensuring fire prevention. I would routinely check EVERY electrical device in the house EVERYDAY before going to bed to make sure nothing was "unsafe".

-I was not very social as a child, in fact I even told my parents I found the other kids "stupid" and immature.

-As a child I collected baseball cards, though I didn't follow or watch baseball. I just memorized the statistics.

-To this day I hate board games, video games and spectator sports (hockey, football, whatever). When asked I always say "I just can't dedicate my time to something without purpose or tangible return on time invested".

-For as long as I can remember I see strings of information EVERYWHERE. Mostly numbers (addresses, prices, phone numbers, credit card numbers), though sometimes I see words on packages. This always happens when I go about my normal business, the strings of information just pop into my head and I "have to " identify their source within my field of vision

-Some numbers just stay with me if they are "important" (without trying to remember them). I can recite any number of product keys for computer software off the top of my head, wireless network keys, etc. Combining strings of information I can spew out well over 150 alphanumeric characters at will with no hesitation and zero errors. I have to remember the information VERY QUICKLY or I lose my place, it's almost melodic, like a song with a tempo.

-All objects in my home must meet at perpendicular or parallel angles or it "bothers me". I cannot wear clothing without ironing out wrinkles and ensuring no lint is on the object I am wearing. It has to be pristine.

-I speak very quickly (most people tell me to slow down) and have an extended vocabulary I use in everyday speech. I am extremely verbose and often launch into rants or monologues that can last 10-15 minutes. Many people (strangers) tell me I think too much, or they are curious by me. Quite frequently it feels like people are gathered around listening to my speech, instead of conversation.

-When it comes to conversation I am never sure when it is my turn to talk, and I have trouble making persistent eye contact (I tend to look directly, then look away, and I can't help it...I've tried!). I interrupt people quite frequently and have to apologize. Or I listen intently as my mind thinks about something else. When it is my turn to speak I launch into something completely unrelated that is of interest to me. In order to have a "successful" conversation I have to plan out my answers like a playlist of: if this, then do that (like a computer program). I actively have to think of everything, or I end up seeming disinterested and self absorbed.

-I am very sensitive to stimuli. If I look directly at a neon light I can "see" it's flicker. Working in an office always left my eyes feeling burned and squinty. Small little noises that don't seem to bother anyone throw off my concentration and I can't think. Oddly, I find white noise, like static or a fan soothing. Air conditioning has a "smell" and it also bothers my nose and eyes.

-I live by routine, whenever I do anything it is in the exact same way. Variations to my routine leave me uncomfortable, like anxious (or like I drank to much coffee). I like everything planned in advance. I want to know all the details before I commit myself. Even then sometimes I come up with ridiculous excuses as to why I can't do something and cancel at the last second if I decide I don't feel like it.

-I consider myself to be a major introvert. I spend days on my own not talking to anyone and can be completely content. Some days I don't even answer my phone when it rings. I enjoy working on projects and reading (though only non-fiction, I can't waste my time with fiction). I don't have TV as it is just "noise" that bothers me.

Wow! This list is way longer than I intended, I could go on with other examples, but I think this covers many of the suspected reasons I believe I have Aspergers. Please let me know what you think, it would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!
T

Congratulations. You are on the autistic spectrum!

And by the way, you can learn to look into people's eyes. It will just take a few decades of practice before the anxiety disappears.

I was actually very thrilled to find an explanation for the way I am, but to also know I'm not alone. I have always felt "different". Even when I fit it in (I have several close friends and get along with many people) though I never belonged to a "clique". I always felt like an outsider and knew people thought differently than me. My closest friends constantly tell me "I operate on a different level" or "I live in my own world". Many people seek my opinion on matters and describe me as a human encyclopedia. I don't view it as a curse, but as a blessing. I have picked up social skills much like I learned how to play the guitar, with experimentation and practice. I always have "social experiments" with people or strangers to watch and learn from their behavior. For the longest time that is how I thought people learned how to act, boy was I wrong....

The only thing I am unsure of is whether to tell the people closest to me. My immediate family knows already, as I looked to them to give me feedback on my childhood. After my mother did reading on Aspergers she was thrilled to find out she wasn't a "bad parent" and that from infancy, before even talking, I had traits of autism.

Welcome to WP

I also found the experience quite a relief, you are not alone

There is little question in my mind that you have Aspergers. Frankly, your list sounded identical to mine. I am still learning that things I thought were odd, or unique, about myself are simply aspie traits. It's a little humbling to realize I'm not entirely unique, but extremely comforting at the same time.

Telling people you have asperger's doesn't change who you are. It's a form of coming out, and what that means is that people have preconceived ideas about what someone on the Autism Spectrum is like. They immediately try and take what they know about you, and put you into that picture they have. Some things may fit, others may not, and sometimes they can't reconcile what they think, and what they know about you, and become distressed. It can manifest in different ways. Some will ignore it entirely. Others will argue that it isn't possible. Others, yet, will become uncomfortable around you as they will see you as what they imagine, rather than as what you are.

Time will help many people adjust. Similar to thinking that a friend is straight, and then finding out they are gay, it takes time to adjust all those notions you had put into place. Eventually, people realize that who you are hasn't changed.

The label may be helpful to you and your family to understand you, but that doesn't mean anyone else needs to know. However, if it explains actions or behaviours that have caused problems in the past, and may help in creating understanding, and improve future relations, then why not.

The discovery for us is completely overwhelming. It means we are not alone, it means we are like others. It explains our "otherness", but it may mean little to others.

Whatever you choose...welcome home. You among friends.

Thanks for the replies! I just realized an additional, significant piece of information I excluded from my original post. I seem to be able to count without actually counting. As an example, I put something in the microwave and set the timer. Without accounting for time I "know" when the timer is about to finish literally to the second. I always arrive (like 9 times out of 10) with 2-3 seconds left on the timer (just enough time to open the door as it beeps). I thought isolated flukes at first....but after years of the same experience I am reluctant to account for this as a fluke.

I also notice that I always find myself looking at the time when it is 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55 or 12:34. I only look at time maybe 6-7 times a day and usually half the time I see "that time". I just found it strange, and literally it happens everyday

Welcome to WP!

A lot of aspies are fascinated by numbers. 12:34:56 looks cool on my wristwatch. I notice number sequences like repeating groups of digits in my credit card number, or any interesting sequence on one of my vehicle odometers, especially palindrome numbers like 66566 which my truck passed recently. I told someone I remembered their gate combination (2047) because it was 2^11 - 1 or binary all 1's. They thought I was crazy!

Welcome to WP.

If you mentioned those conditions to a doctor, you'd probably get an aspergers diagnosis.

You didn't mention whether or not you've done the quiz - it's worth a go.

Aspie Quiz

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

I took the Aspie Quiz and AQ test and scores were as follows:

ASPIE QUIZ:
Your Aspie score: 147 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 65 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

AQ:
40

For curiosity I had a family member and friend take the AQ test, they got 11 and 14 respectively.

Your score of 40 is indicative of AS -- I scored 42, whilst none of my family scored above 27.

Taking this quiz and reading up on AS gave me a startling realisation, at the age of 44, that I actually do have a recognised psychological condition, rather than just being an anti-social automaton.

Most of the traits you listed would concur with my own.

Having said that, self-diagnosis, whilst explaining a lot about your past, doesn't really improve your future. There is no 'cure' and relatively little successful 'treatment' for the condition. The best you can do is accept your limitations and try to be happy with who you are, rather than who society wants you to be.

And you're not alone.