Thought process and memory, disconnection

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Having recently joined WP and learning I am most certainly a fellow Aspie I was curious how my thought process was the same (or different) from others.

When it comes to learning I really can only learn something if I do it myself. Observation or literary theory is never enough. I need to see a process through (as if recording it) in order to repeat a task. My mind tends to wonder quite frequently as I work and I feel intense urges to "do something else", but I am never really sure what that "else" is. I find now, working freelance for myself, it is especially hard to get to work. I tend to be productive early in the morning and routinely wake at 3-4 AM to get started (I tend to nap a little in the afternoons). In order to be productive I have to start by listing everything I have to do in fine detail, if not I never know where to start. My listing habit even comes into play for house clean up / chores. I list what I need to do and in what order. Without a list I am lost, scrambling, with my mind racing on everything and accomplishing nothing.

I believe I have a "photographic memory", though I am never really sure what that means exactly. In my case, when I remember things, like as an example a conversation, I don't remember the words as much as the "scene". I "see" in my mind the original conversation, even subtle movements like a wince, or an eye shift. Through the replay I can remember the words, in many cases, in verbatim.

I don't remember everything, but whatever I do remember is remembered in this fashion. When I am unsure about "how something went" I get anxious and can play the scene over and over in my mind to analyze the situation, almost objectively (and generally plan for the outcomes). When it comes to reading I tend to remember words based on the page the letters were on (placement, etc...). I work as a network administrator / programmer and I routinely come across long strings of numbers (product keys, computer addresses (ip/mac), etc...) and while I don't remember everything I come across, if I have to use the same "string" more than a few times it tends to stick with me literally forever.

One sensation I find incredibly strange that I have always noticed when I am over tired is a feeling of disconnectedness with my extremities. Everything functions like normal from a motor standpoint, but I find my arms especially feel disconnected. The best way to describe this is the feeling of your arm, let's say when you've fallen asleep on it and wake up with "pins and needles". It feels like that, without the numbness, the tactile sensation is there, but it's like "someone else's" arm, or like I am controlling my arm, but indirectly via a proxy.

Somewhat similar to that sensation is the feeling I can only describe as "tunnel vision". I tend to get this on my way to a destination, while navigating large crowds, like a busy downtown city street. It's actually not a bad feeling at all, nor do I become anxious, it's more like extreme focus. My vision becomes peripheral based in focus, though I can weave through crowds, traffic, etc safely without "thinking" about paying attention, in fact usually my mind is oddly blank (rare considering usually the mind races). It's actually extremely calming. I've also noticed I more often than not get this sensation while walking while it's raining.

Wow, some many things I have never said before, only thought. It's like a weight off my chest...here's hoping I'm not the only one who thinks/feels like I do at times! Now that you all think I'm nuts....hahaha

TUnoriginal

Learning by Doing: YES

Photographic Memory: YES

Reviewing Events: YES

Remembering Certain "Strings" (but in my case not numbers): YES

Feeling Disconnected: YES

Tunnel Vision: Not so much

Welcome to WP!

Z

Dropped calls topic

My body is always disconnected from my thought processes., like a dropped connection between two cellphones. I am a rock, ny body is an island, and there is no bridge over the troubled water.

Welcome to WP. Glad you landed safely.

Another thing I've noticed is sometimes (most usually on a crowded bus or subway) I don't know where to put my arms/hands. Other times while walking I'll catch myself paying attention to the motion of swinging my arms, and even though it is completely natural it feels wrong and I find myself "correcting" the movement, give up and walk with my hands in my pockets.

I remember getting top grades on spelling tests, when in school, because once I'd seen a word a few times, I could see it again in 3-D, and spell it perfectly. If someone explained something to me, I could mentally recreate that whole scene, complete with the facial expressions of the person speaking, intonation of their voice, etc. This works to disadvantage, as well, in the instance of bad memories. I can re-live them, in vivid detail, for years.

Last edited by hartzofspace on 26 May 2008, 2:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Some interesting thoughts you are sharing here, TUoriginal!

Let me share my experiences to see if we are talking about the same thing, because this seems to be an experience I'm going through also. Often I loose awareness sometimes, fade out but don't loose the ability to move and navigate. Almost always I have fantasies and thoughts while on the move. Only when I wake up out of the flush I realise I was on automatic pilot. I have the habit to backtrack and check how much I can remember from the ride, immediately after. Then I often get flash backs of looking down the street, things that happend just a few minutes ago. Also I try to remember how it felt while "in" it. It feels very fluid, natural, as having been captured by motion (unnoticed). The strange thing it only happens when trafficing, in my case often when climbing the stairs or riding my bicycle.

Can you relate?

A question pops up in my mind; if this really is an AS thing or that non-autistics also experience this (sometimes). What is truely an autistic experience anyway? How do we know non-autistic are not going through the same? Maybe we have the same brain states but we just have different mental awareness layed over these brain states, or reversed: we have AS brain states but they lead to the same sensatons as non-auts. Well I'm just rambling now ...

Last edited by Transcendence on 27 May 2008, 4:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

This reminds me of a movie I saw recently about depersonilization. I am also wondering how this fits into AS. I can't recall the name but I it was recommended to me on this site by someone else who has experienced this(as I have).

I do not have a good memory, quit the opposite and that is one of my biggest problems functioning. I would actually like to get some neurological testing for this because ai dont think iit is AS. I think it maybe related to stress and my use of Effexor because it has gotten worse over the years.

I have also chosen jobs that allow me to operate on muscle memory so that my mind can be free to go where it choses. The worse job for me is one that only engages enough of my brain to be bored but to much to allow me to let my brain wonder to more interesting topic....which describes 99% of service industry jobs. The alternative is a job that I only have to "think about" for a few hours and then have 4 hours of time to focus oon my special interests<---working overnights in social services.