Someone explain my NT wife.

Post Reply New Topic

I've been having long-term financial problems. I even got to the point wherein I had an escrow credit card cancelled. Anyway, there's a $75 balance on it, and I want to pay it down to zero. My NT wife, on the other hand, flew into a complete rage at me when I suggested this. As far as she is concerned, since the card has been cancelled, I should pay NOTHING AT ALL on it EVER and let the fees rack up until it is sent into collections. Then I should ignore the collection agency.

I told her that I wanted to begin to repair my credit rating (I have to refinance my house in a year--messy stuff from previous divorce). She got even angrier at me.

I do not understand this behavior in the least. Why is she angry at me for wanting to repair my credit rating? Why is she angry at me for wanting to not allow YET ANOTHER DEBT to go into collections? Why is she angry at me for trying to take a long-term view and be constructive?

She is demanding that I, instead, pay down the balance on her credit card so we can use it now. (She has exceeded the balance on it).

Her name is not on the mortgage to refinance and it will not be her credit rating that will determine the interest rate of that mortgage.

Please explain this NT behavior to me.

Opinion:

You are giving your money to someone other than your wife, who wants to keep it all for herself. My guess is that it was not you who 'damaged' your credit in the first place, except to indulge your wife in her spending sprees. Either that, or you are the only breadwinner, yet your wife believes that she somehow 'owns' your earnings.

Suggestions:

Pay off the credit card anyway to avoid damaging your credit even further.

Seek counseling with your wife on finances and marital relations.

Talk to a lawyer that specializes in 'Family Law'.

No idea, she doesn't make sense. I don't think her behaviour is related to having a more neurotypical brain.

Maybe she is simply stressed due to money problems, and not behaving rationally.

Don't risk letting fees build up on a canceled card.

Pay down the credit card -- it's a relatively small amount, and it's just the right thing to do.

I'm an NT wife as well -- but this behavior seems irrational to me. Credit card debt is something that EVERYONE should be trying to pay down -- it just plain makes sense.

want to fix both, try this...pay the 75 on her card, then use her card to pay of the 75 on your card.
honestly though, is her credit really good, maybe she is just tying to keep it that way, which might be somewhat selfish, unless by doing so it at least keeps one of you in the house with good credit.

women - me first. thats it, accept it.

If her card is over-limit (presumably getting fees because of that), would it not finicially be better to pay hers down first (at least to under the limit)?

The reason she is mad, is because you seem to be spending money where it does not directly help. "Her" card that is currently over-limit, if brought down below the limit, could then be used again (even if that is finicially irresponsible). Quite simply, she feels you are placing the credit card company above your own well-being.

I would explain, calmly, that it is disturbing that she "flies into complete rages" about things that are best discussed and considered calmly, that you don't know why it bothered her, and that if she expects you to understand and be able to respond to whatever her feelings on the subject may be, then she needs to tell you what it is that she feels. (Use "I statements"... "It disburbs me when..." "I don't undestand why you...")

Assuming you survive, then, later, you can discuss the finicial merits of paying off the CC (i.e. it could easily save you $75 per month when you refiniance), and why you feel the money is better spent on the "bad" debt as opposed to elsewhere.

This is not NT behavior. It's 'compulsive consumer' behaviour. Sounds like she gives meaning to her life by buying stuff. Can't buy stuff, life has no meaning. Of course she's getting agitated at he suggestion of not buying stuff.

Dog Brain,
You didn't tell us why her card is over the limit. If it is over because she is paying the utlilities bill with it or paid for you car to get repaired, you might be in hot water. If she just wants her card paid down to rescue her credit, she might just be thinking that if an emergency came up, and you didn't have cash, she would be able to cover the expense.

On the other hand, she might be trying to force you to pay her bill because she thinks she is entitled.

You stated that your divorce left you with some financial problems related to the mortgage. You shouldn't have to worry about your current situation contributing to further problems.

It appears that she is not very worried about your credit score. Perhaps she thinks that if you got your finances in order, you wouldn't need her anymore.

People are so complicated, that you may never really figure out the real motives. You need to do what makes sense for you and let the chips fall as they may.

I'm afraid it does sound like greed rather than NT behaviour. Some people (male or female) see a partner as a source of income, and can get very angry (to point of jealousy) if your money is going in any direction that isn't directly benefitting them.

My advice would be to pay off the $75 and see that as an important step in getting your credit rating up.

It sounds to me like she is angry, or stressed, about something other than the card. I would talk to her about it and try to figure out what else is bothering her. Good luck.

If you need your NT wife explained to you, maybe you should not have married her.

It sounds like she's mad about the credit companies getting the best of both your finances. Don't take it personally.