My job could be at stake, do I bring up aspergers?

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I have been having some seriously problems dealing with my work environment. I am able to pass myself off as normal when I'm not under stress. I've never had any slack cut for me, and I've manage to a degree in music, another in computer science, and get a minor in biology. But, the past couple of years have been very stressful.

1. I work as a Senior computer programmer, and they have moved us all into a more crowded environment.
2. Worse, in the room that I am in, people often stop by to work with guy who sit's in a desk right next to mine. So, I have people randomly bumping into the back of my chair and having intense discussions while I try to work.
3. There is quite a bit of noise, people can easily look over my shoulder, and my anxiety level has gone up.

As a result of the increased stress, my ability to pass off as normal no longer works. I find myself stuttering (which I hardly ever do), spacing out at times, and developing strange idiosyncracies to deal with the stress. I shut down quite a bit at work, and just end up completely zoning out during meatings. I feel overwhelmed because when I am stressed, it makes it hard for me to follow conversations and get detailed requirments for my next project.

So, I think a diagnosis would help with the following:
1. I could ask my boss to move me to quieter area, with the requirement that people can't just walk up behind me.
2. Request a structured work schedule, and a set time each day that I can have for "office hours" and then the rest is quiet time to focus on the task at hand.
3. I could get over my embarrassment with how slow I am verbally, and just ask to people to talk slowly so I can understand them (or to send an email). Part of the problem is, I don't ACT stupid, so people just automaitcally assume that I understand what they are saying, when what I really have to do is go read through every line of software and try to figure out how each program works from the inside out.

I am getting evaluated for Aspergers this week. I have quite a few trait that mesh with the diagnosis, and whether or not aspergers is THE problem, I know that I've got some serious issues that need to be fixed.

My question is. Do I tell my boss, who is a nice guy, that I have aspergers so that I can give some legitimacy to my requests? I work at a University, and they take helping people with disabilities seriously. I don't think that I'm asking for that much, but am afraid that if I don't give it a label, they are going to think that I am just whining. They'll say that everyone else deals with the work environment. The difference is, it's absolutely destroying my health, and is causing me so much stress it's taken 10 years off my life. My other co-workers find it annoying, but deal with it fine.

I live in the States, and I was also diagnosed AFTER I was working. After DX I applied for intermittant Leave Of Absence (on the Family Medical Leave Act) and got my desk moved, a place to go to if I need to sit in the dark, have a bottle of water and a couple of asprin and process though my emotions (like 15 - 20 mintues) and have 12 weeks a year I can tell my boss I am out for the day, for an hour or two or just leave the office for the rest of the afternoon. That works the best of all, because they don't want me to go all postal and have a melt down at work. My part in it is to realize when I am heading that way and calling it before it gets to the actual melt down stage.

So, If that might work for you and you live in the States, it could be your salvation. I know I would not be still employed with out these 'reasonable accomodations.' They were happy enough to give them to me, as well, and I think that was because it wasn't like I didn't disclose at hiring, but got DXed after I had already proved myself a good employee, a hard worker and excellent statistics ( I bring up the team's stats).

I got a DX of Asperger's Syndrome AFTER I was hired and they already knew what a punctual worker with great statistics I was. I got diagnosed and then applied for the Family Medical Leave Act for intermittent Leave Of Absence. They made 'reasonable accommodations' for me, moved my desk to a much quieter area, took out some overhead lights (that made my surrounding workers lives much better, too!) I also requested a room to go to (the 'nursing mother's room' which is a State law in Oregon) when I needed to sit in the dark with a bottle of water and a couple of asprin until my 'bad mood' passes.

For real melt down potential, I have 12 weeks a year of calling in 'LOA'. If I have a bad morning I can come in late, if I am working and I know I am ready to blow and a few minutes in the quiet room won't cut it, I can bail out right then and there and take the afternoon off. If I have vacation/sick hours then I can use that for pay, but if I don't then it is time off without pay.

It has really made a difference in my work life. The hardest part is convincing myself that I really HAVE to go and not just wanting to go. I don't think they would be quite as happy if they didn't know I was so conscientious, but then, no one wants to have to handle a melting down employee/co-worker, either, so they are OK with me taking off when I need to.

good luck,
Merle

Workplaces all across the country are getting rid of the cubicle models and are getting rid of solitary workspaces for employees. "Efficiency experts" are brought in and they seem to think that putting everyone together into a group format will help improve cohesion and teamwork. Most employees seem to like the increased interaction with eachother, but people like you and me hate it.

I worked one place(very briefly) where I was by myself all day in a small cubicle. Not two weeks after I was hired an "efficency expert" said that we would all be more productive and happier if our barriers and privacy were removed and all of the employees now had to work in a large open area where they could keep an eye on us better. For an unrelated reason I quit working there a couple weeks after, but it would have been untenable for me to keep going back and trying to work in a small group environment. I much prefered the isolation where I couldn't be seen and I would be free to do whatever. I hate teamwork and interdependence and such things.

In this case mentioning it would be helpful, especially in a setting which takes disability issues seriously.

I work in an area (education and government) where I was transfered to a department where an office environment was similarly structured. I did mention my diagnosed condition, and they were okay with me staying in my cubicle.

The fact with the ADA is that they need to make reasonable acommidations. Reasonable accomidations, such as having a somewhat seperate workspace most employers will be willing to follow if you are clear that you can handle job functions if you are in the right environment. I actually was able to stay in my workspace, and will probably get the accomidation going forward as well. I would make sure once you do get a diagnosis to keep an attorney on retainer, because these small changes, do not effect job duties, and what the ada was designed for.

I would make sure HR is heavily involved in the process though to establish a record, but also to make management aware that this is very important, and a conpliance issue.

Thank you for replying, everyone. I think I am going to wait until I meet with my new psych on Thursday. He treats people with Aspergers, so I think he can tell me if he thinks it's an accurate diagnosis. I'm having a hard time figuring this out. All the symptoms seem to fit, and the fact that my parents mentioned that a devlopmental psych mentioned autism when I was 9 makes me think that it's a good chance. When I was in 3rd grade, my school required me to get evaluated due to constantly spacing out (entering a trancelike stake), having problems with behavior, and scoring a 0 on my basic skills standardized test (it was a fluke). My parents refused to let them assign that label, because they thought it would ruin me to be in special-ed. While I'm glad I didn't get tracked into special ed (I was already bored out of my mind with the normal kids), I had a very difficult time fitting in. Looking back, the diagnosis just seems to fit.

I have anxiety every time we go on vacation because I can't plan my day out. I get upset any time my wife asks me to do anything, whether it's going out, or anything else that breaks my routine, especially if I'm already stressed. My wife is very spontaneous, and is doing a medical residency, so her schedule is all over the map. It's been extremely difficult for me to deal with. I'm thinking of something I said to her a month ago about chores, and I mentioned to her that it's not the work that's a problem, but the lack of time in advance that I need to prepare. I have the same requirements with socialization. I need a day or two to prepare myself. So, I end up missing some social opportunities after work because people will ask me a day or two before, and it's too much for me to deal with. The thing is, I can pass myself off as normal under quite a few circumstances, but I think having these tendencies is making it impossible for me to cope. I've been on anti-depressants, which can help to an extent, but part of the problem is, the anti-depressants put me in a good mood, and as socially clumsy as I am, that's not always a good thing. I end up interacting more, and making quite a few mistakes. (sometimes being aloof isn't such a bad thing).

I get exhausted in social settings because I have a hard time reading people. I'm always worried that they'll realize this. I'm not quick on my feet. I always feel like conversation is happening too fast. I often feel that if it were slowed down to half speed, I would fit right in. In school, I never was able to follow along. I made up for it by having to learn everything on my own through text books. The only time I would speak up was if the teacher said something that I already knew was wrong (since I was on a different wavelength, in science quite often I already knew the subject matter because I had already read it somewhere). I would spend the entire day pretending to pay attention, and then would have to go home and teach myself. The irony is that I have a high IQ, and learn very quickly, but when dealing with people, it feels like things are happening too fast, if that makes sense. When I was younger and in social situations, kids would pick up on my slowness by teasing me. I was never fast enough to have a comeback. As a result, I feel very vulnerable. I get by in social situations by acting as if I understand, and pretending to be normal.

I have very little social life. I'm usually happy not leaving the house during weekends. My wife can't stand this, as she thinks it's the reason that I've been gaining weight. But, the real reason is that I stress eat, drink alcohol, and my anti-depressants make the weight gain worse. While I'm not hopelessly obese, I need to reverse this trend.

Anyway, my boss is a nice guy, and I think that everybody at work has already figured out that I'm a bit different. I've been there five years, and people at work hang out quite a bit. That's part of the reason I don't want to leave. Making new friends is difficult for me, and I think I can live up to there expectations. I think my boss, as well as myself, have been confused about what is going on with me. Anyway, I think they understand that something is going on.

I'm thinking of one of the firms I consult with, and I can say that if your boss is like the man who owns that firm, you don't need a diagnosis. He's had employees with all sorts of needs and requests and what I've seen from him is a complete willingess to give everyone what they need to do their work best, assuming they've already proven they can DO the work. Since you've done the later, already proved yourself, your boss is going to want to do what he needs to do to keep you, and to keep you performing at your best, and he already has the grounds to know that you wouldn't speak up if it wasn't important.

Do you have in your mind ways they could improve things for you without having to give you a space inconsistent with your position in the firm? That would help.

If you have a great boss, you shouldn't NEED the diagnosis. Not to say that you shouldn't go ahead and get it, but to note that maybe you don't need to wait to bring up the situation with your boss. Smart bosses recognize that employees are unique individuals, and as such may have unique needs in order to perform at their best. Play on that. You don't start the conversation with "I want," but with, "I'm concerned that the current set up is keeping me from performing my best. I am getting very stressed and anxious and it has nothing to do with the work, but the immediate environment, and here are some ideas on how I think that could be fixed for the companies benefit."

My husband was sure he was going to be fired a few months ago when he blew up at a client and walked out of the office. Instead, his boss FINALLY got the message my husband had gently been trying to get accross ever since he started working there: don't put me in that situation, I can't handle it! It's a shame it had to get to that point before everyone was willing to speak bluntly about it. Now the problem is solved, and my husband still has a job, but wouldn't it have been nice if that day could have been avoided? By being more frank and direct to start with?

Best of luck to you. I know it's hard. But with or without a diagnosis, its a conversation you HAVE to have.

I vote you mention it. Sounds like you are in an understanding work environment.

You should definitely bring it up and work out some kind of reasonable accomadations.

I can relate to this - I'm in the same boat. Here at the university I'm kind of OK for a lot of the time but the job's always changing and there are many times when I feel I'm like a fish out of water, and often I feel the conditions that sometimes get laid on me are too much, in ways that others seem able to take in their stride. Since realising I may have AS, a lot of it has been making more sense to me in terms of the AS traits, and I've begun to identify "Aspie-unfriendly" elements in most of the situations that profoundly upset me. THe awareness has become something of a double-edged sword, because on the one hand I feel better off for having a way of understanding what's happening to me better, but on the other hand it's even more frightening when I think that my reactions and huge swings from good to poor performance are likely to be very hard for colleagues and bosses to understand, so I feel at risk of being condemned out of ignorance.

I'm limbering up for the DX, and assuming it turns out I have AS (or some similar autistic condition), I still feel uncertain how to approach the employer about it. Aspies aren't particularly good at pushing their own agenda, and I was brought up to be strictly stoical and calm on the outside, so even with the DX I feel they'll find it hard to believe. The university on a higher level might pride itself on non-discriminatory policies, but certain line managers have shown themselves to be quite the reverse, and seem to be driven only by a desire to screw as much as possible out of the workforce. Cruelty of that sort doesn't always get sorted out on the "shop floor" level.

One comment by an Aspie I read in a text book really rang true for me - "I always find it very scary to have something that concerns me directly under somebody else's control" - really I'm pretty useless at anything where teamwork is required, and the small amount of good they get out of me when they impose that is at a huge cost to me in terms of bottled anxiety. Most of the time my mind blanks out and I'm in constant fear of making fatal errors that I'll be judged for.

Apart from tons of sympathy, I have little for you that's likely to help so far, but I'll certainly be posting my experiences here as I go through the DX and formulate my plans for addressing the result. I was thinking of starting by trying to be a little more assertive and just declaring my traits as they arise in response to any complaints I might get when they conflict with the desires of management - just basically saying "well that's what I've always been like and if it's been good enough for you so far, why do you suddenly find it a problem now?" But I don't know whether I'll have the bottle to actually do it - some days I feel strong, other days my confidence is at a low ebb and I might not finds the words. Objectively I probably have little to fear, but the process of going through conflicts with them if they turn awkward fills me with dread.

A lot depends on the country you're in - the laws are quite different in different nations. Here in the UK, disability rights are relatively strong. If I should lose a fight with one of those nasty line managers, the whole battle isn't necessarily lost at all, as I'll be able to take it further, even talk to solicitors if necessary, re-group and execute my strategy from the tranquility of my own territory at home. If you can get any professional advice, from a trade union or other interested group, that might help a lot.

Thanks for posting your problem by the way. It's a relief to me to know I'm not the only one who's in this sorry pickle.

Good to know you're asserting yourself - I guess that does tend to be easier when they're short of labour power.

I am a programmer and in a very similar situation to yours. I am going to have my diagnosis soon, whatever it will be.
However, even when I'll have the diagnosis I do not think I will share it, certainly not with the company.

I have waves of pain especially at night from the depression I have accumulated during all these years from not being able to relate directly with the people and situations around me.
Do you know this pain? It is there to meet you in the morning, comes with you the whole day, and hits you hardest when you finally go to sleep and all the memories of the past failures to make/keep friends/girlfriends come back.

I recently told someone I really care about (an ex girlfriend) about my problems, and she did not understand at all. She thought she understood, minimized, and I felt awful. I will probably never touch the subject again.
And I will certainly not share this with the company.
I am going to keep this between me and my therapist, at least for now.

I understand your point of view, but I don't think telling your company about AS is a necessity to request the things you mention. By all means do so if you _want to_, but if the people around you, for instance, disturb your work and you feel it's difficult for you to concentrate, you can just tell your boss that, and if he's a good boss you can find solutions together.

Yes, I understand the pain. It was worse when I was younger, but I grew up in a family that pushed, and pushed for me to be someone more outgoing, more social, less shy. It wasn't until a few years ago that my Mom mentioned that autism had been brought up as a potential diagnosis for the problems I had early in grade school. Back then, it was seen as a horrible label, and they shunned the diagnosis.

The flip side of all this pushing (for me to be more social, to show eye contact, to play sports so that I would overcome my lack of coordination, to learn to smile because that's what normal people do, to make friends) is that I have never learned how to be comfortable in my own skin. I'm 35, and have a tremendous amount of anxiety from things as simple to someone walking by me, to paying bills, to having a simple conversation and making small talk. I'm always worried that people will see how handicapped I really am and I feel very self-conscious about my lack of ability in these areas.

For me, the diagnosis has been a relief. I'm no longer constantly pushing myself to act normal 24/7. I've given myself permission to look down when eye contact is too much. I've given myself permission to be more vocal about changing my work environment. I've given myself permission to not talk, rather than pretend to be interested in others.

I started noticing my anxiety triggers a few years ago when I started therapy. Things like people moving too fast, talking too fast, suddenly interrupting my train of thought, vacation or other changes in schedule, loud noises (a big one), bright lights, being touched, are all things that set off my anxiety. The AS diagnosis gives me a lot of insight into why I have these (atypical) anxiety triggers.

I've been taking more time outs, and trying to be more of myself, if that makes sense. And, that alone has made a huge difference. I haven't been stress eating, have been able to cut my anti depressants in half, and have completely eliminated drinking. For the first time in a while, I see there being hope.