Adults with AS, how do you find eye-contact?

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When I was in 8th grade the school sent me to a councilor because I was skipping school a lot (hated school) I remember him asking why I don't look people in the eye. I said that I do look at peoples eyes. He said well then what color are my eyes? I said brown and he was really surprised I knew that. I looked at peoples eyes briefly, just not as much as a normal person. He asked why I don't talk to people and I said that I do talk to people. He said I never talked to his receptionist who is really easy to talk to. I don't really remember if I talked to her, but I think I said hello and to me that was talking to her. I guess he meant having a real conversation. I'm alot older now and am still hopeless when it comes to eye contact. Just can't get it right no matter how hard I try.

For me, it depends on the person plus the subject, but I think that I am pretty good at it. I don't have really that much problems, but I must be fair that my circle of people I meet is pretty narrow and I am comfortable with most of them. But I don't like it when they get too personal and trying to break the wall around me. At that point, I avoid eye contact. But at work for example, I can manage to do "normal" eye contact with my colleagues. With clients, it depends. If I am confident enough to talk about the subject they want to speak about, I think I am pretty "normal", but when I feel unconfident or they are too close at my skin, if you know what I mean, I feel uncomfortable and I try to avoid too much eye contact.

I am 34, and still have to think consciously about eye contact when I talk to someone. I tend to kind of coach myself through it, as in 'make sure you look at them, don't be rude', and then 'that's too much, look away for a bit'. It's like an awkward dance of trying to figure out how much is enough to appear confident and engaged, and how much is considered laser-vision creepy. It's very tiring after awhile.

Years ago I learned that people can't tell that you are not looking at their eyes if you are looking at their forehead instead. The forehead is a lot easier to look at, if I just concentrate on the rather blank middle region. When young, I used this tactic to win a staring contest.

I am 58 and I didn't think I ever had a problem meeting someone's eyes (for all the good it did me, I had no idea what they were non verbally telling me.) I now realize when I do meet eyes it is a stare at them. Mostly if someone gets into 'my space' I avert my eyes from them and get annoyed that they are in my space. I just thought I was annoyed with what they were talking about. But it isn't, it's because I don't want to look at that huge face in my line of vision.

I recently went to testify in front of 12 person panel for State legislature on bills for autism education. I was amazed that I was not able to raise my eyes to them and give them all a glance, but had to physically force myself to raise my gaze to each one of them individually. It just was so much to handle to raise my eyes to them. The more I relax into knowing I am autistic, the less I judge myself, compare myself, to being not autistic. I lived so long in the not autistic world, it is exciting to explore how I really am.

Another thing. What's the correct thing to do when walking past someone? I hate walking past people i always feel very awkward and don't know what to do. I usually try to talk to whoever i'm with or pretend i'm looking at something else so i can avoid the situation all together.

I struggle to make eye contact if I am fairly close to someone - close in distance not family wise !

I do not like the intensity of eye contact with others. When I meet someone else's eyes I have a physical reaction which is a flipping in the stomach - a kind of mix of anxiety and nausea. It is very overwhelming. IT is the same feeling i get with soft touch from someone. I want to spew. hmmm.... Which doesn't lead me to want to pursue too much friendship and intimacy with others unless it is via phone or net or email.

IT has not gotten any better with age. But I can look at peoples' teeth and watch the lower half of their faces which allows for some face to face contact without the intensity.

I am 60 years old and I still don't like eye contact.

I also don't like being touched and I hate "huggy kissy" women who expect you to kiss them on the cheek when you meet.