Serious advice needed

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The kids probably found it more threatening having her there than having her leave.

Have you learned to make cupcakes yet?

PS Sounds like there's hope in the long run.

It seems you need someone who is intelligent enough to know how stupid he/she is.

I'm sorry this happened, but you shouldn't be so down on yourself about it.

I agree with many of the others that you didn't do anything wrong. Yes, she was grieving about her cat and was upset, but I don't think your actions are enough to make her pack up and leave. As for the coffee situation, she told you to not worry about it. I'm an NT woman and if I say "don't worry about it", I mean "don't worry about it".

You shouldn't try to pretend to be someone you're not just to keep a woman and her pets in your home. Sounds like she's willing to keep trying. Maybe just take it slower and get to know each other really well before moving in again.

I wanted to keep this discussion going so I could get some advice as things develop. So my girlfriend 'M' came back to my place to see me and talk about things. M told me the real reasons why she left me, and that she needed more time to sort out a few issues before she can really move in and be with me. I think I understand where she was comming from, she said she still loves me and wants to be with me. We discussed numerous issues such as, why the animals stress me out and what we will do to minimise there impact on my rental property. We disscussed how we both felt when she left me. We discussed the coffee issue and my aspergers so that she might understand me better.

M stayed with me for 3 days, we talked openly about all of our issues and she still loves me. Now M needs maybe 6 weeks more to sort out issues she has in her own town. I feel that I'm in love with her, but seems I can't live with her or live without her. What the hell should I do from here? I really have no idea, can anyone suggest how I should tackle this from here? I have mixed feelings, I love M and love having her with me and I stressed that if she walked out once more I would not have her back. I seem to get by on my own allthough its a struggle with kids, work and school. I'm just really unsure of what to do or what to say. If I were to let go of M, I would not want another relationship EVER. I've just had enough of trying. M and I have made a start and we are still together sort of and want to be together. Help please

Thing is I am still hurt from her leaving in the first place and it takes me ages to forgive and forget. Also If she wants to be with me but needs time, how much time is enough. Will it go on forever as just dropping by every weekend. Will she walk off again?

Hey AA,

I think it's wonderful that the two of you have been able to have productive conversations - that really speaks volumes about you both.

You mentioned that she lives in another town. Would it be possible for her to move closer to you but still have her own space? I saw a new thread on the forum about being married and living separately, and whenever I had visions of a more serious relationship with my guy, this was a very option that I kept in the back of my mind.

If you find comfort in knowing the specifics of how long she needs to makes some of these decisions, there's nothing wrong with putting a limit on it. Something like, 'Would it be possible to know your decision by the end of August?'

Hey M,
I know that its great that we are talking openly about these issues. I think M has a few AS traits and she is also on a drug called Effexor for anxiety, I used to take them too. I wont say think anymore cos I just know it will be very very hard to maintain this relationship.

Being a NT woman having a asperger's partner whom I dearly love, I would think that maybe you should have looked at the innerside of your GF. Perhaps she was feeling overwhelmed with too much happening and needed time out. I would want my BF to know that it is hard to say stuff as he might take it the wrong way, maybe that is what is happening for your GF

I hear you loud and clear, I know I'm not perfect at understanding how others feel. I am still learning and I am doing my best to keep up communication with my GF. Trying to learn her inside feelings is not easy for an AS person though unless we are told exactly what is happening. I love her very much.

It may be that for things to work she must agree that it is her responsibity to communicate these things with enough precision that you can act appropriately. As opposed to it being your job to 'prove' your love by managing to guess correctly, which is usually how it goes. Then you'd at least have a start on meeting her needs.

Her meeting yours will be yet another trick.

Sorry that you had to go through this. Believe me, I understand exactly what you're talking about. I have had analogous incidents happen many times, both with partners and with non-partners.

I think it's a very good sign that the two of you are talking about it. Even though you told her about your AS before she moved in, it sounds like she really didn't understand all the ramifications, especially if the concept of Asperger's was new to her. Perhaps now she does understand a bit better.

Keep talking, keep sharing, keep loving each other ... if that is what you decide. The best of luck to you ....