Adults with AS, how do you find eye-contact?

Post Reply New Topic

There's this invisible force like when the same magnetic poles push each other away, because I feel like the person is trying to read me so my eyes involuntarily (or even imperceptibly) pull away.

I always. Always. ALWAYS wear a ballcap. Always. It creates a convenient barrier between my line of sight and other people. I have people who everytime they see me attempt to establish eye contact or position themselves so I have to look at them. The ballcap is a great security for me.
When I find myself in a situation which does not allow for me to have the ballcap on I fixate on something over the shoulder, position myself in such a way that I am not facing the person face-to-face or I stare at the mouth. The staring causes me to mentally drift away from the conversation. So, bottomline, it's easier for me when people don't try to force the eye contact.

I'm not as "adult" as the other posts but what is age , ey?
I can make eye contact easily, do I want to? does it make me feel weird? Jeah pretty much, but sometimes you have to and then it's good to know how to.

I'm 66 and it bothers me but I do it anyway. I also stare alot

I look at peoples faces or at their bodies.

I stare holes right through people, Bob550. They will move to the side or away from my stare and I will move right along with them. Before I knew about Asperger's Syndrome, though, I always wondered why they wanted to fight me, or think I was being confrontitive.
I got knocked around for it, too. One gal decked me right on the campus of Wichita High School West, my alma mater. (Born and raised in Wichita!)

I don't live there anymore, though.

Merle

When talking, I establish and often maintain eye contact. When listening, I often look away. It insults some people, but most people understand (by the second or third response) that I really AM listening to them, intently.

I'm in my late twenties, about to enter my thirties.

I used to look up and to the right when I talked. My brother is the same. I was constantly called on it. People would follow my gaze thinking I was looking at something specific. What changed I don't know. I think it may be that it lessoned when I started taking anti-depressants two yrs ago. Now I will make a conscious effort to maintain eye contact with people I like but don't bother with the ones I don't know or like much. It takes energy so I save it for people that matter to me.

I hardly ever make eye contact, but I have had a hearing disability from early childhood and quickly taught myself to lipread to improve my comprehension. Unless I make a deliberate effort, I usually end up looking at people's mouths. I find it quite hard to look at the eyes; there is sort of an emotional shock to me when I do it.

I'm not at all sure the degree to whether AS is mixed up in that, and the degree to which it is longstanding habit due to my hearing.

I never even thought about this until I recently started exploring the possibility of whether I might have AS myself. You know, seeing how people describe the characteristics and considering how they do or don't fit with me. So I have tried to notice whether or not I make eye contact and how much. Turns out I do NOT, but I don't know if people even notice it or not. No one has commented to me about it, but then for some reason people find me intimidating. I let my eyes flit around their face, including the eyes but not INTO their eyes, if you know what I mean. I look at the mouth, or around the eyes but with my own eyes not really focused on them. I don't look at their faces constantly, either, I glance at them and then away, but I glance at them often enough to signal that I'm paying attention. I do not remember how I learned that I needed to give these signals. Also maybe I do it to KEEP myself paying attention, since I am so easily distractible.

Like a couple of others have said, direct eye contact feels intensely intimate to me, invasively intimate. When I do use it it is a very emotional experience, reserved for very emotional interactions with close trusted family or sweetheart. It's almost sexual.

This is part of my preference for hanging out with friends DOING something together, even if it's just taking a walk. I don't enjoy just hanging out together, it's uncomfortable. I can enjoy being with someone, but with the focus on a game or hobby or something other than us.

I totally sympathise........the general rule of thumb I have been told is any longer than 4 seconds is staring.......so I alternate between not looking at the person at all(on my "I'm too tired to even try" days), to looking for 4 seconds while counting in my head while they are talking, to then transferring gaze to mouth when I am talking, then back to eyes......and so on. I find it easier to look at their eyes when they are not looking at mine......

It is like a tennis match.......and it gives me the same feeling of vertigo

Ah well......can't win them all.

Take care,

Mics

I never thought of that. What a great idea!

I had tried looking at a point between the eyes, but that really didn't work for me.

Looking someone in the eyes feels confrontational. I have been trying to do this, but it is draining and frustrating as well. I lose focus on I am trying to communicate to them in the first place. It is like having to do two seperate things at once (communicating and looking in the eyes... very disjointed).

Bah... I read my earlier post from last year on this topic. I will continue to work on this.

The skin below the eyes may not work for me... that area for some people can be wrinkled and bruised. I would get fixed on the wrinkles and the bruising would remind me of my allergies and I would start to mentally focus on those instead of the conversation.

Perhaps looking at eyebrow would be more efficent. Hmmm... maybe not. Only one way to find out.

I find it as little as possible - short bursts at best. Do it a bit with strangers not to be scary different, like shaking hands [UGH].

When I was teaching, I would scan the room, looking just over the heads of each row - looked a bit like eye contact, but less daunting

I've been trying to get better at it, I'm 37 now and experience does help, assuming your great memory doesn't weigh you down with recalled failures too much

One thing that complicates eye contact for me is a strong prescription for my spectacles which magnifies my eyes, it took me a while to realize there were two factors at work but now it helps. I know I don't have to look at someone to keep in the conversation so sometimes I'll remove my glasses which helps a lot, not only are people less distinct but they are mentally not as close which helps retain concentration.

I look at their bodies like at their clothes or at something on their face. Like if they have an ugly mole or if they are fat, I look at that. I also look at their mouths or at their ears.

Just for fun, I quote:

"The Rotterdam Zoo is giving away cardboard glasses that make it appear that you're looking off to one side; these are gorilla-viewing glasses, meant to avoid incidents in which gorillas attack visitors for making eye contact with them. The glasses' introduction follows an attack on a woman by an escaped gorilla; the specs are sponsored by a local health-insurance company" (see http://boingboing.net/2009/04/17/gorill ... -glas.html)