If this forum is indicative of AS sufferers...

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I do get some enjoyment and a little bit of usefull information from this please but you guys can be seriously intollerant and single minded at times. It often suprises me how much this place is like any other forum, i just expected much more tollerance, of poor social skills, of different points of view, of reasons for being.

I mean the guy is posting in the adult section, if he doesn't like kids at least he's doing his best to avoid them, it's not like he's gone to the adolescent section, posted "why do kids suck?" then complained at being flamed.

He's blunt and can be rude, who cares, see through it to the message. I laughed at his 2nd post becuase i feel like doing that all the time, i asked you a question, the subject of the question is this, perhaps the deeper meaning and well hiden responce among the devious manipulation i employed was that i was seeking to obtain an answer to the friggin question i asked.

I understand his comments about self diagnosed/fad/20% etc, it frustrates me with all these people talking about having a mild condition, if it's so mild why bother posting about it all the time? And regardless, congrats on having it mild, feel free to post a thread about what a joy life is and how you have AS but don't suffer with it, but please stop forcing everyone who DOES suffer to read about it by repeating it in their threads and stop assuming that becuase you don't suffer, if they make some changes they won't suffer either.

Basically, quit being so judgemental and try doing for people what they ask instead of what you think is best for them or telling them what they should be thinking.

Now to address dave if he's still reading -

I don't know what your reading has been like but AS is a spectrum yada yada, basically just as you're hoping people here cut you a break for what you have (but they may not), you need to remember others have problems you don't. You posted some strange random thing about vinyl which i kinda understood to be a general age (or lack of) reference, but that's a perfect example of how not to talk to your average aspie, we just struggle to understand, so of course someone went "huh?" then you couldn't be arsed to explain just like i'm sure people can't be arsed to see past your bluntness, it's easily done. You then posted as though shocked that what you said was taken literally, there's some EXTREMELY literal people here who will always need help to understand be you being extremely clear about your meaning. This is another aspie trait, though most would understand your comment wasn't to be taken literally, it's still not easy or enjoyable to read, it takes actual thought to translate the meaning.
Now in all that i'm basically saying be blunt and direct and say what you mean, unfortunately that doesn't work here as much as i think it should and i hoped it would, even aspies it seems can decide you're not being nice enough or make judgements on your words without just focusing on the facts.

Finally, i'm recently diagnosed, in the UK and a bit too young for you, but with a family and kids and a lifetime of misunderstanding and new realisation to try to work out, so maybe i can be of help, but you've not actually asked for anything yet.

Most aspies (me included) can't give you much "help" as that's too vague, but would be happy to answer at great length any specific questions which you might find "helpful".

And why have i just been able to write all that but can't get myself to do the small list of things i really need to get done at work today...

Wow, having read through this post at first I was a little offended by spacecadetdave's attitude.
Then I thought about it and realized I can more than appreciate where he is coming from.

I'm 55, in the USA though, recent diagnosis, done the medication routine and this knowledge of AS is just ripping me apart. From the guilt of things that have happened in the past that now I have to reconsider as being my fault, to the current situation where certain people are telling me I'm just going to use this diagnosis as an excuse for how I act.

I can honestly say I have done the exact kind of search (to no avail) that SCDave is looking for and can completely understand why he is being specific in his request.

So SCDave...best of luck and I hope we both find those answers

He has kids and he said he doesn't like young people. I still don't understand.



I thought his response to my questions were rude. How was that blunt? Wouldn't a blunt person just answer them honestly than being all sarcastic? That's what I would have done.




I think it's judgmental to jump on a forum and question peoples diagnoses. So I don't see why it's a problem when people judge him back. If you are going to be a jerk, you will be judged for it. How can you expect to get support and understanding if you are acting like a jerk?

Last edited by League_Girl on 15 Mar 2010, 6:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

League_Girl. You points responded to in a nice tidy order.

Kids? I love my kids. I don;t mind other people's kids. Kids are cool. It's when they get older that they grate on my nerves. (and incidentally I do believe their music is awful but that is another thing.)

My response to you was rude. For this I apologise. Having read some of your other posts I can dig some of the things going on in your head. So, sorry.

Finally, I did not question your diagnosis so you have no reason to feel bad about it. There is an attitude to this "thing" we have in a scary high portion of posters that puzzles me and raises my hackles. You yourself said there seemed to be a fad with this now. I agree with you. And it's people like yourself that lose out because of it. I feel sorry for you (but not in the patronising way).

Well after reading your other responses here, I see you have mellowed out so I think you are okay.
I am sorry if I misunderstood your OP. It was the things you said that made you come off wrong.

I agree wholeheartedly
I think about AS every day (I was diagnosed at 12, got the papers as proof) it is a lonely, quite crappy existence. I am able to work so I am happy with myself, I've refused help or to go to any lame AS groups because I don't ever want to meet someone else with AS
I can hardly stand myself, I know I'll never be able to have children because of this deep seeded shame (that and a few health problems)
its a horrible, horrible thing I spend every day of my life wishing it would go away, that I could just get rid of all this stupid s**t I "like" and have a fresh new life that I can be happy with.
Not this piece of s**t, I don't care how "creative" or "unique" I am, doesn't do s**t for me in the real world and won't do s**t for most people here
they're diluting themselves!

Now add a little more bile and rage and that is exactly how I felt the other day.

i feel like that every day of my life

With me, it's always bubbling away under the surface. Somedays I keep it down, some days I don't. If you ever feel the need to go toe to toe in a screaming match them I'm your man. We'll find a quiet corner of the forum and you can tear a strip out of me (if you think you got what it takes).

I have some very specific legal/employment/medical questions which only such people will be able to answer.

I'm a late diagnosis in the UK born in 1979 (just at your cut off point). What specific questions do you have? I've been through the nhs for suspected depression, social anxiety and ocd before finding out about Autism. I've had 7 jobs in 9 years only to wind up back at the company I started at, with people the same age with half my ability all in middle management over me.

I've taken SSRi's, Benzo's and had a Drink problem. I had a partner for 7 years who took her own life on the 15/11/2009.

If you have any specific questions I might be able to answer go ahead.

Oh my. Apart from the partner thing (real sorry btw - I can't imagine what you went through) you are a younger version of myself. Same job. Same history. Same frustrations (probably).

I've just gone through exact same (mis)diagnosis and (mis)treatment path.

Right now I'm scared about my job. I'm working from home because I can't drive to my office (I feel out of control and have near misses everytime I try to pilot a car). My psychiatrist has delayed officially stamping my AS membership card to give me some time to adjust to it - I wasn't sure what he was talking about at first but given my confusion I can see where he was coming from, I was being overwhelmed and he knew it....

So.. I have a few weeks/months before my employer finds all this out.

How did your employer take this? Is there any sort of legal protection from them simply forcing me out? Do they have any obligation to assist me in any way and make allowances? (Such as working from home or other measures). Or am I subject to their whims and fancies?

Is councelling available from the NHS or other charity organisation for adults?

Is there any benefits available or assistance from local authorities or other organisations?

Sorry to bombard you with questions but my head is still spinning - I need to get an idea of what I'm going to face - I HATE not being able to organise (I wonder why!).

My employer doesn't know. In the last two jobs I had I was openly abused a couple of times and almost fired from both before I quit. They were small companies that were being hit quite hard by the recession. I don't think they wanted someone coming in telling them about Autism.

I was seeing a councillor for a while who tried to persuade me to tell them. She says she has done it with many patients and will actually go and speak to the employer for you. She can tell them the benefits that having an aspie employee can have etc.. and basically sell you too them, in terms of them getting value for money by making a few easy adjustments.

I didn't take the advice and I quit and went back to a large insurance firm I used to work for. I'm over qualified for it and it's boring and slightly humiliating. But it pays well and all of the HR stuff they have in place to stop bullying and race discrimination etc.. inadvertantly helps if you have Asperger's. If I did have to tell them I'd be telling a HR representative and my manager would have to be very careful.

Legally they can't fire you for it especially if you didn't know you had it before you started with them. They aren't obliged to let you work from home but if you can get on DLA you could afford taxis?

Having Asperger's Syndrome doesn't automatically entitle you to DLA. You will have to fill in a lot of forms and explain how it significantly impairs your life and your ability to work. Sometimes the easiest way to get on DLA is to say you need it to get into and keep a job you already have. They would rather that than if you were planning to live on it and not work.
This links will tell you about benefits
http://www.aspergersnetwork.org.uk/benifites.htm
It's a website from Northern Ireland but the rules are the same over all the uk.

I've not been able to get councilling on the NHS. I was seeing someone privately but it was too expensive to keep up. I'm on a waiting list to see someone from this charity
http://www.autisminitiatives.org/
The councilling is free but they as it's a charity they expect a donation. They also run all sorts of groups etc.. depending on the city you live in they offer different services.

They find out only if you tell them, it's totally your decision



We're "protected" by the DDA, Disability Discrimination Act. It basically says you're as protected for having AS as a black person is for being black , a woman is for being a woman, a gay person is for being gay or an old person is for being old. None of that drops you being treated badly but it makes it against employment law at least.
You are also entitled to "reasonable adjustments". This means your employer must do anything reasonable to assist you which would help with your disability (AS is a disability for this purpose). What is "reasonable" is basically down to you and them and is then tested in court if required, but generally speaking the standard definition fits, so if you can effectively work from home, access what you need, be contactable as required and it wouldn't have any great detriment on the business, it could be considered reasonable. If you were a production line operative or constantly held meetings or repaired physical things, it wouldn't be reasonable. Some useful info at -
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeo ... /index.htm



Yes on the NHS if you can get someone to authorise the funding for it. That's basically where i'm at, a psycologist has recomended a course of counciling but that's in one district and i'm in another, so the guy in my district has to authorise the cost. Chap above mentioned a charity. Regardless of where you're probably looking at a big waiting list.



Again answered above, but based on my knowlege, as usual this will be a case of becuase you're working you will probably struggle, unless it's fairly low paid and there's no other income in your household.



6 months for me and it's still getting worse. I feel like what people say about when you join the army, that they tear you apart and build you back up as they want you. I spent years with major problems but getting through it by my confidence, arogance and some general denial. Now all that is gone i'm left clueless and lost as i realise everything i did before really was my fault or i was wrong or to blame or not as perfect or good as i thought. I assume i'm eventually going to learn the new way to do some things.

glad I saw this thread. I totally get the orig poster.

I never want to use AS as an excuse, and I will lose respect for anyone that does. I was happy as hell to find out there were reasons I screwed up different situations in my life that I can figure out how to mitigate from happening again.

When my wife read about the whole AS and sense stuff on touch, she learned I was not bullshitting when I said I couldn't stand her duvet cover that made noise and woke me up in the night, and my not wanting her to touch me lightly wasn't something I would 'get used to'. This alone will save many fights in my marriage. We can compromise and work out something that we both agree with without any thoughts one of us is playing something up. She now understands that I can't talk about dinner before I go work out due to routine, and not trying to get out of planning dinner. We worked out that a few days a week I plan the meals in advance and don't have to think about them near my workout times. Not an excuse, but a starting point on gaining agreement on a solution.

Finding out I can learn to overcome the stupid damn things I do by knowing others have tossed gas on bridges and done the same thing isn't joining a club, its a pool of knowledge I want to tap into and find out how to avoid tossing that flare on the next bridge. I have left two cities and have no desire to return to them due to the mess crispy personal relationships I left there.

Finding out what AS (NTs do a perfectly good job screwing up their lives without AS to blame) is, is finding out how to mitigate future disaster, but that is what I want out of this board, if someone wants to wallow in self pity, I agree with the get off my damn lawn idea.

I may not have Ladyland on Vinyl but I do have "Come Fly With Me" Too bad my turn table broke a few years ago.

Thanks for all the replies on this thread.

Firstly, sorry it started off in such a vitriolic way. I was in a bad place (still am, but my lungs are tired from screaming now) but do apologies for all the toes I stepped on in my frustration.

It's kind of supportive to know that there are others in my exact situation who feel the same frustrations.

Wow.

So this is what happens when the socially inept aspies collide... lol... wow, I would like to thank you all for showing me how much I have learned all on my lonesome in spite of being a total [] socially... lol... please don't anyone be offended it is meant with warmth and humility and a big dollop of irony...

now i will go back to my books... j