Getting Diagnosed Later in Life

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I want to get properly diagnosed so I don't waste time when learning coping strategies. I also don't want to constantly second-guess myself if I really have something or not. If I have it, then I want to focus on what I can do for that. If I don't have it, then I want to know why I seem to have it (why I scored so highly on the internet tests), and then focus on what I can do for whatever that is. To use your words, the label itself is of course pointless, just a means to an end, which is knowing myself better, or rather how the rest of the world perceives me, and then increasing the quality of my life within the bounds of my personal code.

TenisuBaka, I completely agree with you.

What I have found with therapy is that most therapists are unfamiliar with AS and they will not accept the possibility that AS might be an issue in someone's life. This has been very damaging, even making my situation worse. Whenever I said something to the therapist like I have trouble talking to people, she thought I just needed reassurance, and she told me I was doing just fine talking to her. But I don't need reassurance, I need actual information and strategies. Her "reassurances" actually shut me down, like she was saying, "You're not allowed to have this problem." And because she thought I was depressed, she encouraged me to go out and spend time with people, which is one of the things I find most stressful, so her advice increased my anxiety rather than relieving it.

Psychotherapy is based on an assumption that people act and react in predictable ways, and the therapist's job is to subtly get the patient to let go of his/her negative beliefs and insecurities in order to become freer to act without being burdened by distorted and negative thinking. But that doesn't work if the patient's thinking is due to a different brain makeup, and can actually do more harm than good, like not recognizing that someone has a broken leg and encouraging them to take up daily jogging.

So I don't think that getting a diagnosis is at all pointless.

Hey Rogue,

I can understand your feelings. I certainly felt more like that when I was younger, and I sure as hell wouldn't do anything due to an ultimatum given by some woman (why I longer have a relationship with my mother). I am not doing this for anyone, nor to prove anything to anyone, or find an excuse to give to anyone. This has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. I am married, but my wife kinda has a similar attitude as yours. She didn't really know about AS nor considered that I might have it, but she is already quite familiar with me and my 'quirks' as it were, and accepts me, yet always positively pushes me into the right direction to survive in society. But as much as she has been able to do for me, I still want professional guidance if I can find it. As you said, I would like to learn about myself more. And then I would like to better myself. I have always been one to better myself. If I suddenly had an accident and lost the ability to walk, I would never give up trying to walk again, and at the same time, would always try to push myself to new limits with the new boundaries of my current physical condition in that state.

I also still don't really know too much about all of this. Maybe after I do, I might feel the same as what you said in this line:

Whether or not I have them strongly enough, or enough of them, to be clinically considered AS makes no difference to me what-so-ever.

It's a rough one. If you have AS, then there's nothing that can be fixed. You can learn more about it, and practice coping strategies but fundamentally nothing is going to change.

Hey Peter,

Yeah, that is what I have been reading. I understand that, and actually, I don't think I would even want to rewire my brain to be like a normal person even if I had the option. But I do want to be able to recognize situations and circumstances for what they actually are, kinda like from a third-person, completely objective point of view, so that I can choose how to live my life as someone with AS instead of having AS dictate me by simply reacting all the time. It's like when I was a kid, for whatever reason, E.T. scared me like nothing else has ever scared me. My mother took me to see it in the theater when it first came out, and it was that particular scene when the boy and ET first met in the field at night. The way that thing reacted and the noises it made just completely destroyed me. I could not be in that theater anymore and made my mother take me home. After that, I always had this recurring nightmare for years about that dam thing, and it was always the exact same dream. And anytime during the day or night, just thinking about that face or seeing an ET doll somewhere would get me panicking. But eventually I got tired of it, and so started forcing myself to face it by purposely thinking about it and recreating the dream in my imagination in my mind when I was alone in bed at night. The first 10 times or so really tore me up too, I thought my heart was going to explode and I sweat profusely, but the more I forced myself to do this, the more it stopped bothering me, and finally the nightmares decreased in frequency. Eventually, after many years, the nightmare even turned into a pleasant dream where instead of killing it in desperation, I saved it and we became friends or something like that. Even now though, it still unpleasant to look at it's picture or a doll of it or something. I still refuse to watch the movie.

Anyway, the point is, I refuse to let things, people, external stress, internal stress, whatever, control me. Not that I have any intention or desire to try and force myself to become something I am not. I just want to be able to do the best with what I have, am, don't have, and am not.

Please could someone (Obgeektor?) let me know how much it costs in the UK to have a private consultation/assessment?
I saw a psychiatrist yesterday who is going to ask at the Multi Disciplinary Team meeting on Thursday if the psychologist will assess me, but I'm scared they will refuse as it's all about money and I'm not costing them anything in services because I pay for psychotherapy privately. Not that I want any services, just the diagnosis for my own peace of mind.