Anyone else struggle with Therapists?

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If you do not connect with a therapist, you move on to a different one, simple as that.

Simple, until you realize that you've spent over a decade moving from therapist to therapist. After a while, "just look for another therapist" starts to ring false for those of us who have patronized scores of therapists only to find each one more damaging than the next.

For myself, I've come to the conclusion that it's worse than a waste of my time to see therapists who don't understand autism. They just end up making things worse when they don't really understand how the autistic brain works. And since there's no therapist in my town who treats autistic adults *and* accepts my insurance (medicaid) that means no therapy for me at the moment. (Although there's times it would be SO helpful to have a good therapist to visit.)

But for those who have only tried one or two therapists so far, your advice is pretty good. (Even though, in my experience, it's *not* "simple as that.")

I have had 5 therapists so far. It is frustrating when you really need something and they just don't get you. Like I am extremely sensitive and spiritual and if I really let it out they were probably think I am crazy when I am just really in tune with certain things that I have learned most people seem really uncomfortable with.

yes, I second (or third, or tenth!) the notion that a therapist MUST have experience with ASD be of value.

I found that sessions with a counsellor left me "stuck" in a very confusing mental space, where issues had been activated but not resolved. I found that the therapy process was alien to me and this exacerbated stress.

The counsellor was generally competent and aware of ASD (they were the first to suggest that I had ASD).

Nevertheless the counsellor did not have the skills required to counsel me.

I recommend that people on the spectrum who have general (ie. not urgent) need for counselling:
1. look for someone who is trained in ASD, or
2. choose books and other media in preference to an untrained counsellor.

I had a bad experience with a therapist that was SUPPOSED to have experience with ASD, which is why I went to her in the first place.
At first I thought it was good to have someone to talk to and who would listen, but she gave a lot of bad and plainly contradictory advice, and lied and manipulated on several occasions.

Her first comment to me when I walked into her office ( and I'm embarrassed to admit I didn't run for the hills then) was " so you have Asperger syndrome. Have you had it your whole life?" I gave her a dead pan stare until she said " I guess it's not something you catch is it?"

Yes, I should have run. But I figured, this person is supposed to have experience. she must have her reasons. and I gave her a chance. Bad mistake

A bad therapist is one of the worst things that can happen to you, but a good therapist can be one of the best.
I have had some really horrible experiences with mental health professionals of all kids, since I have been in the American Mental Health System to one degree or another since I was 12 years old.

I only recently decided to seek "official" diagnosis a few months ago, after a Physician's Assistant I was seeing as a G.P. bullied and harassed me. When I went to him asking for some preventative ideas for insomnia and stress, maybe a referral, he got in my face and told me I was lying about having Asperger's.
Actually WHAT he did after I told him I had Asperger's was get his face close to my face and said "DO YOUR SH*T YOUR PANTS? Well, people with Asperger's sh*t their pants. They go into uncontrollable rages.Do you go into rages?" I though he was making fun of me until he flat out told me I was lying or something. Then he gave me some condescending speech about how I had depression.

The first phD I went to seeking dx tried to tell me I had been so traumatized by my life it rendered me withdrawn and awkward, into a "near autistic" state. WHAT? She also assumed my mother was promiscuous because she wasn't married, and that there was no way I could have had a stable childhood without a father. WHAT? She cast me as this huge victim, and even though I told her my levels of anxiety were perfectly acceptable to me, said she wanted to treat me with ZEN BUDDHISM.
That was the last straw.

I got the name of my current phD from a member of an Aspie support group at my college. She's pretty awesome and accepts that I like to type out what I want to talk about before appointments and bring it in to read to her. She even offered that we could type back and forth instead of talk! She is sympathetic to stuff I have been through, while not being pitying. I get along with her very well and feel she can be a friend to me.

NEVER be afraid to fire you doctor! They aren't gods and they don't have as much power as you might feel they do.

I have fired at least three psychiatrists and twice that in therapists.

Shop around! It's totally worth it.

It does not matter how they are trained, they have to be humans first and foremost. My current psychologist says that they can train her all they want to be detached, but she is human and something would be wrong with her is she showed no human emotions.

Finding a good one can be difficult but it is your right. You also have the right to screen them before you see them. Ask them questions on the phone, etc. Then perhaps find a few you think are OK and go and interview them in person. Yes it is time, but it is worth it.

While I would not see someone who was not trained, I also do think that qualifications alone can make some qualified to help me. Sure I want someone who understands people like me, but I also want them to realise that I am a unique person and what helps one person does not help another.

My current one is very clear what she does and does not know. She will admit she has no idea, but is also willing to try to help me to find out, and to find other resources to help me.

Nobody can know anything and I would be worried about anyone who has a one size fits all model.

While I do expect to feel better from it, I also know that once that I get to know them then some sessions can be difficult and I do not expect to leave each session feeling really happy, or even happier than when I went in, but I do expect that early on, I do expect them to ensure that I am OK to leave and that I have other supports and resources in place to deal with dark places in between sessions. I do expect them to listen to me when I say that they are pushing to much and to take the lead from me as to what we are doing and what I can cope with, but at the same time I do need them to push me a little, just not too much and to be willing to back off when needed.

The biggest no no for me is one that ascribes to some type of theraputic technique, no matter what that is. They can be the best cognitive therapist in the world but the fact is there is more to me than my cognition. I want someone who is eclectic and is willing to take a bit from this a bit from that and use what feels right at the time, instead of trying to say that all of my issues can be solved from some pet therapy. The hardest part of that is that so few of them are eclectic and they are trained to believe you cannot work if you are, but my current one also does not believe you can work if you are not, as people are all indivdidauls and all different and no one problem is as simple as one thing.

I want someone who sees me as the expert of me. I respect the expertise and training they have providing they can respect that I am an individaul with individaul needs and experiences that do not fit into a one size fits all box, and that I have to be at the centre of any decisions made about my care, life, etc. Not at the centre of their decisions but the central decision maker. I do not need anyone telling me what I do or do not need. I am more than willing to listen to advice, to say they feel I would benefit from something is fine, but to be firmly of the belief that I must have or do something or treatment or the like is wrong. Only I can know what I need and want and while I am open to feedback and ideas I need them to respect me as the unique person that I am.

Beautiful post, bjcirceleb!

Reflections, I hope you have long since resolved this issue. I was going to suggest that if you have concerns about a therapist you should try to discuss them openly with the therapist. Remember, this is not a relationship like you might have in normal life, but a professional relationship that is intended to benefit you. You should be able to discuss what's really bothering you without the inhibitions you might normally feel. In this case, what's bothering you is the therapist, and you shouldn't feel bad about that or about raising your concerns directly. Once you get the issue out there, the solution(I'm thinking probably a different therapist) should become obvious to both you and the therapist.

At 10, I was an incredibly screwed up kid. The public school system told my parents that they would only allow me to continue to attend school if I got psychiatric help. This is back in the bad old days before anyone knew about Asperger's and kids like me were generally given all the blame for their strange behaviour. My parents took me to a very well-respected child psychologist. I saw this guy weekly for about 2 years. I was very good at BSing authority figures, and generally had a good sense for knowing what people like this wanted to hear. I had already nearly perfected my ability to 'act normal'.

So I basically told this guy nothing. We went bowling, he brought in other kids for me to hang out with, all kinds of activities to put me at ease. I desperately believed at that time that the only way I could insure my survival was to cling to and perfect the normalcy act. In fact, even if I had felt secure enough to open up to this guy, I really lacked any kind of insight or any ability to put my 'true feelings' into words anyway, so it didn't make much difference.

After 2 years, one session he suddenly starts off by saying something like, 'It's time for you to either start talking or get out of here'. So I got up and left. I was really crushed, I had this feeling that my last chance to somehow connect with the world of normal people had been yanked out from under me. But I couldn't think of anything else to do. I've got a whole slew of other stories of therapist failures, but that was the most gut-wrenching.

Anyhow, I hope you will hang in there and keep trying. I'm sure that sooner or later you will connect with someone who is perfect for you.

I had counselling for three years.
The first kept pushing me into emotional reactions, the second let me be silent and I gradually opened up. I really felt like there was someone who totally accepted whatever I said as my truth. But she retired, so I saw the last one who was listening OK. But then she asked if there was any Autism in the family and asked some more questions around and suggested I look into it. After that her approach changed to "fake it" rather than "change it". Overall counselling was good for me, but you need to find the right person, and quit soon if you don't get on with them.

I'm not so anti-therapy. I've done it twice in my life. I'm fifty this year. Most recently, it was after a social situation in which I lost a group of friends at once and continued to be devastated and bewildered about what I could possibly have done to deserve their rejection. The usual disconnect with their perception of things, I guess.... It was incredibly painful and I did not seem to be moving past it or processing it on my own, so I went to someone.

I'm glad I did. She was warm, reassuring, and in all it was helpful in getting me moving forward. However, I see now that she had absolutely no clue that I might be dealing with Aspergers - and neither did I at the time. I have thought about going back to her armed with some knowledge after I get a formal diagnosis - I feel I could use her input.

The situation before was a group therapy thing, years ago. That therapist was so openly hostile to me that the rest of the group finally turned on her in one session, one person screaming at her to leave me alone. She called me "brilliant" at one point, but constantly scolded me for not sharing my feelings as openly as I should. She said I hide behind intellect - which I do. But it isn't because I'm in denial about emotions, it's because intellect is my best tool. I don't use others very well. It's a shame she didn't have that insight either, and that she was just. . . . .hostile. Almost like she was afraid I was smart and saw through her or something. I didn't give a flip about her enough to see through her. I just wanted some help. So it was not only a bad experience, and a worthless one, but one that left scars for years.

In retrospect, I would have researched a therapist more carefully, refused a group situation, and walked out the first time she was rude to me.

Hindsight is wonderful thing isn't it?

I'm just glad I don't need them anymore. Meeting someone to spill all your deepest secrets to in person can be a bit much to handle.

[quote="Malisha"]A bad therapist is one of the worst things that can happen to you, but a good therapist can be one of the best.
I have had some really horrible experiences with mental health professionals of all kids, since I have been in the American Mental Health System to one degree or another since I was 12 years old.

I only recently decided to seek "official" diagnosis a few months ago, after a Physician's Assistant I was seeing as a G.P. bullied and harassed me. When I went to him asking for some preventative ideas for insomnia and stress, maybe a referral, he got in my face and told me I was lying about having Asperger's.
Actually WHAT he did after I told him I had Asperger's was get his face close to my face and said "DO YOUR SH*T YOUR PANTS? Well, people with Asperger's sh*t their pants. They go into uncontrollable rages.Do you go into rages?" I though he was making fun of me until he flat out told me I was lying or something. Then he gave me some condescending speech about how I had depression.

The first phD I went to seeking dx tried to tell me I had been so traumatized by my life it rendered me withdrawn and awkward, into a "near autistic" state. WHAT? She also assumed my mother was promiscuous because she wasn't married, and that there was no way I could have had a stable childhood without a father. WHAT? She cast me as this huge victim, and even though I told her my levels of anxiety were perfectly acceptable to me, said she wanted to treat me with ZEN BUDDHISM.
That was the last straw.

quote]

Sorry to hear that sounds awful. I had a neuropsychologist who was incredibly evil. He used my childhood issues against me and told me that I don't have aspergers even though I fit the dsm because of abandoment.He said that I would rather seek a pill then work through issues and that he doubt I will ever improve. I later was evaluated by a lady in my state that is regarded as one of the top specialists. She had no doubt about giving me the dx. The only pill I sought out was for depression and that is because it helps keep me alive.

People who haven't been through much tend to want to cast those who have as a victim. I have seen this in my own life as well as others. I don't know why they further damage people who are already down and are self-righteous about it.

I had an experience in the reverse of what you shared here. In this case, I had been erroneously diagnosed with Dissociative disorder, and had been strongly urged to join this therapy group. The other women in the group turned on me, because I was doing or not doing something that they did not like, so after opening up to these b**ches, they rejected me. And worse, the therapist sided with them. He seemed to think that because I did not come from the same cultural background of the others in this group, that gave them a right to dismiss and disrespect me. That was a very, very hurtful experience. I have learned that for the most part, therapy groups take on the dynamics of a dysfunctional family. There are favorites, scapegoats, instigators and black sheep. Approach them with extreme caution!


Agreed.

Therapists? I have fought a long hard battle with them for decades.

Firstly because I know that my IQ is probably 30 points higher than their's and I have read more on the subject than they have.

Secondly because I have been married for 38 years to a woman with a bipolar disorder.

She has been in hospital many times. I keep having to deal with "baby doctors" who want to tell me what to do.

You can't believe how much it pisses them off when I tell them:

"Listen sport, I have been dealing with this problem since before you were BORN so don't try to lecture me you pathetic little twerp."