Adult Aspies 'coming out' to family...any experiences?

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Well, I am close to 4 people in my life. (Not including my kids.)

When I told my dad the symptoms he was amazed. He had assumed that anything under the autism spectrum meant severe learning disabilities and low IQ. He also seemed relieved. His final words were "I think you are on to something. You might want to go get that checked out."

My best friend Shawn is completely supportive. He said "You're always going to a weirdo and I'm just going to have to deal with it." (This was all in sarcasm, and his and my dad's sarcasm are the only one's I always catch onto.)

My best friend Tina is the only person I can REALLY talk to about this. Her daughter is diagnosed with SID and Tina has Tourette's and is OCD. We have always been able to "not notice", what everyone else does notice.

I have not told my mother. She is not very supportive of these topics. If I mentioned it to her, she would go around accusing me of "hinting" that what I really mean is that she has it. Within 2 minutes of speaking with her I can start to an overload, and I try to avoid that at all cost.

My friend Scott (we share an 11 year old son) is very supportive. Our son has been diagnosed with AS along with other many other things. We are taking him to get neuropsychological testing done. The wait is horrendously long and an hour long drive, but it is so worth it.

As for my kids, they have an idea that "something" is going on. I personally have not sat them down and talked to them about it. I am still learning so much myself. I would rather a professional that specializes explain it to them. Also, I have a bad habit of saying things the wrong way...and with 2 children with AS (that take EVERYTHING literally). Not a good idea.

Which demon causes an Aspie to have Social Dyslexia? Like when I am talking to someone and two or three hours later, I think of something that I should have said during the conversation...

I think this may actually be the reason my Mom has not said anything to me about my DX. She is the "Church Lady."

I think about this sometimes but so far haven't brought it up. I just have this feeling my Mom will be very dismissive. No idea what my Dad would think.

Strangely one time my brother got mad at me one time and asked me if I had Aspergers Syndrome. First I was surprised he'd even heard of it and second he was being really pushy. I got kind of defensive. I look back at it as a missed opportunity to bring it up.

I think my brother used to watch Boston Legal and I think one of there characters was a lawyer with AS. I'm guessing that is where he heard of it. It's weird imagining my brother compares me to e a sitcom character.

Sometimes I wonder if there is a way to bring it up indirectly. Like if there was a article about it in Reader's Digest or some magazine I could leave laying around.

Let them pick it up and see if they put it together.

I told my mother, she dismissed it.

I told my father, he dismissed it.

I told my sister, she laughed and said it didn't matter why I was a freak.

I told my aunt, she chatted with me about it briefly.

All in all, very unproductive. As far as original family.



I've had in depth conversations about it with both my wife and a good friend. My wife is on the fence about whether she has it or not, or rather...if she is comfortable apply a label to her set of quirks. She does not like labels. But none the less recognises and accepts areas of mutual, weaknesses, to be worked on together. My friend is quite supportive, he's helped me with many socialization trainings and such. Helped correct some social issues and beneficially critiques my "I'm normal" act.

So my created family is supportive and understanding, and it has been beneficial to discuss with them.

My family is fractured and distant and does not really talk to each other.
But one time I actually managed to speak with my dad about AS.

Usually my dad is a terrible conversation partner. He never has anything to say, and offers only nervous token responses. (He's where I got all these Aspie-genes from anyways...). So after emotionally recounting the struggle to understand myself and my discovery of AS, he began to get sympathetic and said, "We never had a word for it!!" .... which was a huge acknowledgement on his part.

Strangely though, he later claimed that he'd never said any of this, and that he did not believe that there was anything wrong with me.

He put the defensive wall back up. But it was nice to see the real man behind it for a brief moment.

Most of my family is Aspie....we are not close. My Mom and I are somewhat close and she accepted it once I sent her a lot of literature and explained things to her. She believes that her Father had high functioning Autism and we know that another of my aunt's (my mothers sister) definitely has Aspergers. She has cut herself off from the family as she never felt understood and, a lot like me, does not like being judged by people who are "supposed to be" family. The problem when you are different everyone, especially your family, judges you, tries to hide you, makes excuses for you or tries to fix you. My uncle keeps trying to fix her and she just wants to be left alone. My younger brother has a daughter who is obviously Asperger's but they like the ADHD diagnosis better and will not have anything to do with me or my children as they feel threatened by the fact that we embrace the Autism. To them it is something BAD! I guess ADHD is more socially acceptable. My younger brother is diagnosable but has no need for it as he does well in his job and enjoys his life. I do worry about my niece but I stay out of it. My older brother has many traits but he has none of the social dysfunction that I, my younger brother and my aunt have. My mother has a lot of traits as well but is more like my older brother.
I think it is partly my fault (not that I do this to hurt anyone) that I am separate and estranged from my family. I am happy, like my aunt and my baby brother, to be alone with my kids and husband. Other relationships are too difficult and cause me too much stress.

I haven't told my family and I have no desire to do so. Frankly, I don't think there's anything to gain from them knowing, and I think it would polarize my parents against me.(My father is VERY homophobic so I can only imagine how he'd handle the news) The thread so far has been how the experience went, but an equally important question would be why to come out.

My husband is the first person I told. We were just best friends at the time.
He thought I was making it up. LOL He had never heard of Asperger's before.
He started reading about it, watching documentaries and listening to radio programs about AS. He has seen me at my Aspie worst and my Aspie best - and he still asked me to marry him. He knows how to deal with me, though. He has educated himself.

I told my mother not long ago. She said, "Well, I am sorry."
I have no idea what that meant. Was she sorry I have it? Does she think she made me have it and she is apologizing?
I don't understand.

I told her my brother has it and she said, "But he is doing so well right now."
Yeah, aside from the fact that he doesn't talk to anyone, doesn't sleep, has social anxiety and a myriad other Aspie traits.

I post about it on my blog and on FB and members of my family are my friends, but they never say anything.
Most people in my life treat it like the unsightly wart that everyone sees but no one comments on.

But my husband doesn't treat me any different and I appreciate that.