Were you diagnosed as an adult and did it change anything?

Post Reply New Topic

I am new here, and older in my 40s.

I was "diagnosed" with Aspergers by a therapist, not sure if it was "official" she wanted the psychologist to test me but state didnt want to pay since I was already on disability for physical conditions. The diagnosis however has been backed up by a recent and second therapist.

I felt it blew open the door to understanding my life and how it went the way it did. The lack of communication with people, feeling like I was talking through a glass wall, getting lost in NT conversations.

I do grieve over it sometimes thinking of what I suffered because all my differences were not understood. Aspergers for me seems to be getting worse with age.

I was diagnosed a year ago, at the age of 48. I only got the diagnosis when I visited a psychologist for other reasons (depression, marital problems). I have known for some time that I have AS (I work in the medical field, in the neurosciences, and I was just about certain even before I was diagnosed). I don't really think it's done much in the way of providing me with any tangible benefits, but it has helped me with peace of mind. I know what my "issue" underlying the difficulties I've had over a lifetime is now, and it helps me to be less anxious about it. I probably would not have sought the diagnosis on its own, but I'm glad I have it now.

BTW, OP, your post rings very true to my experience (having a job, being able to "fake it" but then having people expect so much of you once you get good at it, etc).

~Kate

I'm recently suspected AS (by myself), but this thread gives me serious doubts. Despite ticking almost all the on-line test boxes, and having lots of lifetime AS traits that aren't part of the diagnostic criteria, I haven't experienced all these life problems. If I am AS, I've been very lucky with employment, marriage and children.

My wife deals with anything remotely associated with socialising, I go along with it all, and everyone knows I'm a bit odd. No-one cares if I sit and read a (non-fiction) book when we visit family. When my father-in-law sheepishly calls me eccentric, I just say, thank you, I'd be disappointed if you didn't think I was. I do get extremely tired after social encounters and if my wife wasn't going for support I'd stay at home. I guess 30+ years of very happy marriage must mean she must be very understanding. I haven't discussed AS with her at all yet - I doubt she knows what it is - and I doubt her behaviour will change if I tell her I'm officially Dx. I can think of dozens of situations where, with hindsight, I've been less than sympathetic, sometimes rude and uncaring, and I've consistently failed to spot her impending rage over something I'm not doing, until it's arrived and she's screaming at me. I shrug my shoulders and she gets over it.

I'd like a diagnosis for validation. Maybe I should think this over for a while because it just doesn't seem as profound as everyone is saying. I'm already feeling a sense of understanding and relief anyway, so even if I'm not quite there for AS I know in my mind I've as good as got my answers. I think I'll carry on as I was. Professional and work encounters I'm ok with anyway, I've always just launched straight into business without any tedious small talk. Actually I thought that was how everybody did it.

I got my diagnosis last year. I was well past my retirement age but I also wanted it for validation. It has helped enormously. I feel as though I'm no longer carrying a burden and I'm not uniquely 'odd' since there are so many other people with similar 'oddities'.

But I've found it disturbing that a number of people on the spectrum (or with autistic children) take the line that many (most?) adult diagnoses for AS are not genuine because the definitions of autism/AS have been widened too much and people not really on the spectrum are being wrongly included under the autism umbrella. They also cast doubt on how carefully diagnoses for adults are carried out.

Since the board where this happens is a UK one I think some of the concern is that the available money in the NHS will be spend on people who have managed to live a relatively normal life at the expense of those who are lower on the spectrum. Also, that those in work shouldn't attempt to get special treatment since this may affect the employment prospects of young autistics coming on to the job market.

Has anyone else here experienced this?

I agree that anyone arguing that adults are being overdiagnosed is insane. Adults were not dx as children because there was no understanding of AS when we were children. Often within communities people try to exclude others. Hopefully the ASD community doesn't go down this path. We all need accommodations and funding, etc. The reality is that wise people in gov't would provide support to those already employed because I cannot tell you how many adults I have in my circle who were employed but now aren't and are in some way needing social assistance because they weren't accommodated. So economically providing accommodations to those in the job world is logical. As for it hurting younger aspies, it is only with more understanding that younger aspies will have a better time than older aspies have and I do see us being on that route. So we needn't fight about who deserves what, we need to recognize that there are diverse and equally significant needs. My one gripe in Canada is that very few supports are available for adults as compared to children. So really if anyone is going to get 'the most' in terms of dollars spent over their lifetime it is younger aspies because the gov't already spends way more on them as children and by the time they are adults our hard fought for accommodations/funding, etc as adults will be extended to them.

My diagnosis came about two years ago and it has had both positive and negative impacts. The negative that has affected me the most is that my wife uses it as an excuse whenever we see things differently or have disagreements. She also has a tendency to only see the things that support the diagnosis... potentially overlooking the positive traits.

As my signature says, i was diagnosed in 2010 at age 45.

Having the diagnosis made a huge personal difference for me.

it was incredibly freeing. I no longer had to live up to my parents' overachiever expectations for me. i no longer had to live up to the expectations of grade school and high school teachers who told me that i was lazy or just not applying myself hard enough or well enough.

it was liberating to say "You are wrong in your estimation of me, you are wrong in your assumptions about my life. I don't have to listen to you anymore."

even in my 40s they were always there whispering their doubts and my failure to live up to their standards (which moved every time i achieved what they wanted me to achieve - it was never good enough).

so, maybe your family is not as dysfunctional as mine, but in my case i felt free for the first time. i could be me and could tell anyone who wanted more than who i am to just go to hell.

a lifetime of self-doubt

as said previously:

Before my diagnosis, I truly believed that everyone in the world thought like me, but their bizarre behaviors were inexplicable to me, so I thought that maybe I was one of the few sane people on Earth. Meanwhile, I did not actually know how I thought, my brain was like a blob that just did things. Afterwards, I gained a lot of clarity about how I thought, and what works for me and what doesn't, and how I should do things, like write a letter or plan my day or talk to someone, so I'm starting to fill in some of the skills that I never really picked up from others around me growing up, because they all thought and did things too differently from me for me to pick up skills from them that worked for me. I had to find my own methods, I guess.

Great thread, guys.

It changed my life. I was diagnosed in 2006 after a lifetime of wondering if I were crazy or just plain weird. After my diagnosis I read everything I could get my hands on about AS, including this quote which has helped my self-esteem more than years of psychotherapy:
"Of crucial consequence is what un-, under-, and misdiagnosis in women mean in the lives of women who are AS and don't know it. One meaning is that they have no way of explaining themselves to themselves, thus no access to the support and positive sense of self they need. And, perhaps more important, more difficult, and more destructive than that, they accept the default explanations for the string of problems, setbacks, and oddities in their experiences and behavior: character weakness, resulting in a vague yet profoundly affecting belief in their own worthlessness."
-- Jean Kearns Miller, "Under-diagnosis in Women", Women From Another Planet?

It's now 10 months since my diagnosis aged 50. I have already appended a couple of times to this thread.

However, since those appends I have found that opportunities have arisen because of my diagnosis that simply wouldn't have without.

Recently I was asked to give a 10 minute talk to the senior management team at Hampshire Autistic Society about my experiences with their outreach service. It is unlikely that I would even have used their outreach service without the diagnosis. The talk was well received and I found it helped me to move forward personally.

Also, I was asked to do a Q&A session for a group of 8 AS students from a local special school for Autism Spectrum Conditions visiting my employer. Having a diagnosis helped a lot in bridging the gap, and I was able to offer them encouragement for finding a career in my field.

This has extended to a possible ongoing outreach relationship with the special school.

Also I've found myself meeting many interesting and special people working in the areas of ASC''s or school outreach.

One thing leads to another and another ...