Which Conditions did you consider before AS?

Post Reply New Topic

No, it's just I have to spend a great deal of my time explaining the reasons for my differences to people, and it helpful to be able to have a word to refer to the most common neurological make up they encounter in my explanations.



I am in control of my thoughts and while I am still learning about why I do some of the things I do, for instance, I just learned in June that my reactions to loud noises is perfectly normal, and is called a sensory overload, I am not confused by me as I've always been me. I am however very confused by others, and they in return are confused by me. I firmly believe that as it's taken me years to figure out how to translate between the way I think and the way others think and communicate, and I still don't do it well, anyone not used to it would be very confused, frustrated and upset.

An example would be trying to communicate emotions, or figure out what emotions words refer to. For instance, so far in my 19 years, I've figured out Happy, and frustrated. I thought I had anxiety down, but recently I learned I didn't have it quite right. Anyone very upset because the couldn't order the concepts in the correct pattern so that they could figure out how to make a sandwich and unable to tell those around them what they want or what's wrong, or what they are feeling would be very confused and frustrated.

i know about sensory overloads.
some things make me squint and they are things that overload my senses.

i almost went beserk one morning when i was driving along a highway, and there were many trees straddling the road.
the stroboscopic effect of the sun being "on off on off" drove me insane and i had to stop the car and think carefully.

i do understand being drowned in reality when my wits are not sharp (as i believe), and i disengage from it when it becomes confusing, and i go to sleep which is healthier than pursuing windswept debris.






i have also always been me and i can sleep well.




oh well.

I wondered for years if I wasn't mildly schizophrenic.

Everyone else said I was "just stupid."

I was almost sure I had Borderline Personality Disorder.

And then I met AS. Perfect fit.

Actually, me and jennyishere are two different people. We have been mistaken for each other in previous threads because we have some overlapping viewpoints and overlapping letters in our user names. But we are different people.

In any case, I agree that the shared neurology of being human is greater than the differences between autistic and non- autistic neurology.

I never said it wasn't, nor do I disagree. It's just I don't think that similarity or shared traits are as valuable as the differences. I believe that humans are valuable not because they are similar or share anything, but because each is unique and different, and that it is our differences both inside and out that make us valuable, not our similarities. The more similar we are, the less valuable we are, think about it. If everyone was exactly the same, then you'd only need one person, because all you needed to know and all the existing world perspectives would be in that one person.

What I was trying to say was that I almost daily, sometimes more often, require some word or phrase to refer to those with a typical and healthy neurological make up as versus to a healthy atypical neurological make up, such as those with autism or other neurological differences, or a typical one with an illness, such as those with a typical neurological make up with a chemical imbalance.

Normal is considered offensive, and now people are finding neurotypical offensive. I'm beginning to think it is not the word that some find offensive, but the idea behind it. They don't like the reality that there are valid differences that sometimes need to be discussed, and therefore they try some form of newspeak political correctness stuff to make it too hard or impossible to refer to certain ideas that too uncomfortable. They still think, albeit likely unconsciously , that sameness=value. They've reached "Outward differences are ok, because everyone is the same inside", but they can't make the leap to "everyone's different, inside and out, and that doesn't matter, they're still human and still valuable, far more valuable than if they were all identical"

Hi Janissy. I'm fairly sure b9 knows that you and I are two different people, although I certainly agree with you that we seem to have similar views on many issues- I don't think I've ever disagreed with any of your posts.



I don't find the term "neurotypical" offensive, as such. As I mentioned in my earlier post, it is generally used here on WP to mean "non-autistic". However, it is not uncommon to read posts on WP in which "neurotypicals" are stereotyped as shallow, conformist, unintelligent or hostile, and I feel that the word has acquired these sorts of connotations for some members. Also, the term "typical" seems a bit misleading, as there is a lot of variation in all sorts of ways amongst non-autistic as well as autistic individuals. I think b9 was quite correct in his view that he and I would have many more similarities than differences.

Yikes, I didn't know that. I mainly use it when explaining to others about my differences from the general average/expected behaviors. I've needed to do this fairly often lately because of some people at my church, and I would have found it much harder to explain to them if I'd been limited in my word usage.
I feel strongly about it because I have a hard enough time just figuring out what words my concepts equal, let alone if I'm not allowed to use certain words. If people are using neurotypical as an insult, that's not it's intended purpose, if they aren't afraid of being insulting, why not just say "normal". Now THAT is an insult.

Actually, I think that's why it's perfect. Typical is "common, the usually expected" Therefore, Neurotypical is the common, usually expected form of Neurological make up, as versus someone with a atypical neurological make up who varies widely on a number of things that most people have in common.

That doesn't mean they have nothing in common, or even less in common than they have different. All it means is that in a number of areas that where most people are expected to fall within a certain range, say, a-g. Autistics might usually fall e-k. Are there autistics and neurotypicals on all lengths of the range? Sometimes, and usually more often than not, however, more autistics land on e-k, and more nuerotypicals on a-g. Imagine that this is a scale of how likely we are to be very good socially. There are nuerotypicals all the way on K, just very very few. There are autistics who may have learned enough that they are able to pass for an a, b, or c. Neurotypical for refers to the commonly expected person, not necessarily someone opposite an autistic.

Why is it an insult? There is nothing wrong with being normal. While it need not be a standard for everybody to aspire to, that doesn't mean it should be something that people feel they should avoid. Why should these things have any value judgements attached to them at all? The "normal is boring" sentiment predates WrongPlanet by many, many years so it's not unique to here. But it has bugged me since I first heard it in the early 80's. It sets up a hierarchy where there is no need for one.

I don't know. All I know is if I use the word "Normal" I get yelled at, and instead of listening to the point of the statement I made, for instance if I say "Unlike the usual normal response of Z, X causes me to Y", they go on a big long rant about how there is no normal and then refuse to listen to me, insisting they know a wide range of people who X causes them to Y, Z, W, V, and U. Now, they know that most people usually respond with Z or expect the response of Z, but because I said "Normal" they don't care or want to listen.

Given this reaction, I must assume that the word normal is somehow horribly offensive to most people, and therefore to be avoided as normal conversation, and an adequate insult.

Ok. That's a different use of it than I was thinking of. Yes, that is confusing.

i was stupid to have confused you two (or maybe not that stupid because you do think much alike), but i still acknowledge my mistake.

i do. but......
i am only 1/6.5 billion people that will certainly die within 100 years time.....

maybe i am better off falling into tammies world of eternal immediacy.
but i can only really fall back to my core and no one ever worked out exactly how i think...

i know how and why i think what i do, but no one else understands me, so i have retired from trying to communicate (in an extensive sense) what i have found out long ago (before i ever joined this site even).

that fact is not injurious to anyone, because it is simply a sterile reality that i am aware of.

honestly. i truly think i can not stand abreast with anyone,
that is a bit bad.

oh well. i am very sad about it but the universe does not care, so........................

maybe it is ok.

Nevermind AS; ADHD/ADD wasn't even in the DSM when I was a child. I was diagnosed with a anxiety disorder at the age of five. The diagnosis had the following phrase from the Doctor in it. "I am diagnosing the child with an anxiety disorder, but I have no idea what a five year old would be so anxious about."

The age of the dinosaurs. They had no clue. Just pick one that is close and then admit it doesn't really fit.

Since then I have had OCD, AS and PTSD added. I was very ADHD like as child, but by the time it was added to the DSM I was already out of high school and the hyperactivity I had as a child seemed to subside.

When I was in grade school in the early seventies, I was diagnosed as gifted. It was the most painful diagnosis I ever got. Somehow this seemed to mean to all the adults around me (including my parents) that I was too smart to have any problems. Any problems that came up MUST be due to laziness or they were being faked. I learned to loathe the word potential because it was used to beat me down whenever I didn't live up to it. A = acceptable, and B = below acceptable; anything else was failure. The fact that I couldn't hold a fork or a pencil "correctly" was evidence that I was trying to embarrass my parents.

So, I just embraced the idea that I was weird. I took pride in my weirdness and built up armor to the point that I also took great pride in the fact that I could handle any verbal insult. I was also very short, hyper-moral, and the smartest kid in my grade. Needless to say, I was not particularly popular with my peers.

All this changed when I entered high school. Two of my friends (who were also smart geeky kids) decided that the route to social acceptance was in humiliating me publicly for the entertainment of all the other kids. I took them three years to break me while all the adults around me told me that it was all my fault for reacting to them. At this time I completely shattered.

My family moved 1200 miles from anyone I knew, and I tried to get on with my life. I had effectively given up on humanity. I took my first psychology course my senior year of high school. I had always known I was different, but I knew on a deep level that there was more wrong with me than my weirdness.

I went 1500 miles away to university for a year and decided that they were the nicest bunch of idiots I had ever met. I started working and had major personality clashes with my bosses which ended with me needing a new job. (Note: I worked commissioned sales for Radio Shack and was their top salesman for most of my tenure there. Something Auspies are not supposed to be able to do.) I started going to community college and taking lots of Psychology courses. I enjoyed the knowledge, but I still couldn't figure out what my problems were. I returned to university and started going through counseling and psychological testing. They finally settled on Bi-Polar with schizophrenic features.
I started on medication, but this did little to solve my problems. I had started my first romantic relationship in my mid twenties with a girl who was a self declared pathological liar. Through this relationship I developed enough trust to come to a great realization: I had Multiple Personality Disorder! (Don't worry, I'm not on the wrong forum, the ASD is still coming)
Back in high school, my personalities had fractured from the constant bullying. Part of me had retreated into a world of paranoid delusions where I was from another world and the whole purpose of everything around me was an attempt to destroy me.

About this time, I first ran into the descriptions of Asperger's Syndrome. I got my psych degree in '94, so it was only an obscure condition that only a few experts on childhood development had even herd of. I knew I fit the description perfectly, but there was no helpful information for an adult with the condition, so I just noted it and went on with my life.

I managed to finish my degree, get into graduate school and get my paranoia under control, but things were still not going well. My social phobias were getting worse. I would often leave classes, assemblies and church in the middle because I couldn't be around that many people anymore. I completed my coursework for my MS in family studies, but could not finish my last two term papers, so I did not get my degree. I was burned out, feeling like an utter failure.
My loneliness and depression were getting bad and I was not having much luck with finding work. The bright spot in my life was that I found a woman to love. Our relationship was rocky from the start. Our families disapproved, but we decided to marry anyway. She had two daughters from previous marriages, which I adored. I went from job to job and then we had our son. His development was not typical. He went from average length and weight at birth to the 90 percentile in both at his two month check up. His abnormal development continued and at the age of two, he was diagnosed with autism as well as an unclassified genetic disorder which caused him to be both heavier and taller than normal. My in laws had never really gotten along with me and had poisoned my relationship with my step daughters. Now all of his problems were blamed squarely on me. About this time, our third daughter and final child was born.

My latest job had imploded and I was in a depressive slump. My wife suggested instead of looking for another job, I apply for disability and stay home full time with the kids. With two teenagers, a special needs child and a baby at home, this seemed like a workable plan. We went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. I knew about Asperger's, but it was not considered disabling enough to qualify for disability. My wife and I secretly divorced (her idea, ostensibly for financial reasons,) but did not tell our family or friends and our family stayed together. When our youngest daughter entered first grade, she developed severe social phobia and was placed in special education classes. I can tell she's another Auspie, but she hasn't been officially diagnosed.

My ex-wife has decided to move across the country, and I have been informed that I am not invited. I have been looking in to getting back into the work force, but my prospects are not good.

I have gotten all of my other conditions under control, but my Asperger's is here to stay (and my Bi-Polar makes occasional visits.) Asperger's shaped my life through all of it's phases but was not my most pervasive problem for a good chunk of it.

Scincerely,

Scintor

I was only seven years old when I was first diagnosed and the thought something might be wrong with me never really crossed my mind. I knew other people thought there was something "wrong" with me, but I didn't really care, but was probably to in my own world to pay any attention to what other people thought. Anyway, before I was diagnosed with Asperger's, I was diagnosed with AD/HD. I also would have benefitted from a diagnosis of fetal achohol syndrome but no one was able to prove my biological mother drank (she hung out in a bar all the time). I also show a lot of signs of reactive attachment disorder despite the fact I was only abondoned as a baby.

This is the "...ding, ding, ding..." winner for me.

Outside of mild AS, I didn't have some of the other autistic traits or ADHD, so that got me tossed into the public school system without much hesitation or scrutiny. Early on, I was sent to a few sessions of speech therapy, even though I was buzzing through six months worth of those old phonics and reader textbooks in about two weeks. I understood everything in class, and then some, but couldn't verbalize the material very well, and my handwriting was apparently really bad.

Fortunately, I more or less worked out both issues and became pretty much a very bright geek that wasn't into typical geeky stuff (e.g., Star Trek or science fiction), but devoured sports stats and records in an age where that stuff was pretty much confined to newspaper sports editors' offices. My family hit me with a nickname of "Two-Brain", which fortunately didn't stick. Zero social talent (never really had an actual date) pretty much through college, but I always was able to keep a few friends, mostly sports junkie, and at least enough to keep the bullies, buttheads, and jackals off my carcass. I'm thankful for that much.

Computer science/IT was pretty much in infancy when I was young, and having pretty much all the perquisite tech and social (none) skills required for engineering, I became a very good one.

Fortunately, I became very, very guarded in what I said in business setting and got along with my mates, avoiding corporate competition by taking on specialty work and traveling where nobody else even remotely wanted to go. Doing a stint in Taiwan was sorta perfect in that regard, with virtually communication either in written form, or presented in a slow version of English.

There are people that can become that sort of eccentric wizard for life, but that's the really bad thing about AS (I think): I would much prefer not to revel in my own solitude. A couple of crappy relationships later on that didn't turn out well, eventually landed my butt in a couple of employer's assistance programs, where I finally got some enlightenment about AS.

Anyway, gotta close, but progressing from different to geek to odd to introverted to wizard to somewhat introverted to avoidant to mild AS is the diagnostic path here.

I found a test today for various personality disorders. The first number is my score and the second score is what the site says is the average web score.

http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html

Paranoid |||||||||||||||||| 74% 49%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||||||| 90% 53%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 66% 53%
Antisocial |||| 14% 47%
Borderline |||||||||||||||| 66% 47%
Histrionic |||||||||| 34% 43%
Narcissistic || 10% 41%
Avoidant |||||||||||||| 54% 39%
Dependent |||||||||||||||| 70% 37%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 42% 40%

In the past before I knew about Asperger's I've considered avoidant or schizoid personality disorder or severe social phobia.