My wife wants to leave me because of my aspieness

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Sorry for being fatalistic. But your best move is to find yourself a good divorce lawyer. A partner whom can't accept who you are and work with you is not one that can sustain a relationship.

if someone can't accept you despite your flaws, and won't help you try to fix them, then why bother? As far as I can see, anything with more than one person involved requires some effort from everyone. If someone won't try to help you, even if they're family, and I hold family in high regard, then do they really deserve any effort on your part? if someone's perception of you changes negatively because of a simple diagnosis, then either they're ignorant, or nothing will be meant to last long between the two of you without at least some major instabilities, or at worst, total collapse... after all, a diagnosis is only a mere label, it's only a label for a particular set of traits...

We all need to face the reality of the divorce stats for us ASDers.

If I'd had my Dx in my 20s I'd probably still be single now and would be exceedingly cautious about marriage, only settling for "the one."

For many of us with late Dx it becomes a salvage attempt.

I've been through several corporate shut downs, mergers, break ups, M&A, etc.

Sadly most of our marriages end up as break ups if not bankruptcies both literally and figuratively.

In my own case I'm giving the "turn around" the old college try but realistically I am preparing for failure. Mind you I'm in my 40s and we're heading for 20 yrs now. However I seriously doubt we'll reach that milestone. I'll probably take action prior to that (and yes I will probably be the one to file). Thankfully we have no children.

15 years of marriage, I got my Dx a few years ago. It was already horrible prior to the Dx. But my wife, a declining, long term unemployed OCPDer with severe anger management issues and perfectionist tendencies, was trying very hard to change me. The Dx made her realize it was a fool's errand for her to expect me to change enough to meet her fickle expectations. We're on our last legs, I give it a 10% chance, max. I will be starting all over again in my 40s, thank God there are no children involved.

Hi MrBoob

You are not alone in finding yourself in this situation. I share a very similar situation.

There is very little positive information about for AS/NT relationships. I have recently found a closed website, specifically dealing with AS relationships. The site has mainly mature members. Some have been through the mill and have come out of the other side smiling. If you want to join, you will need to submit an email stating your reasons. The introductory website can be found at www.aspires-relationships.com

I hope you manage to have a good Christmas

It´s been a while since I last posted because I ended up moving out and only recently got an internet-connection in my new place.

So I am living by myself now for the first time in my life. I get to spend time with my kids as much as I want to which is great since they are pretty much the only human contact I want right now.

If I ever get into another relationship again I hope it won´t be with anyone neurotypical.

Okay, so it's a trial separation right now, still serious of course, but maybe the door is open for you guys getting back together. Maybe give her a couple of weeks and then ask when it feels right.

It would be a shame if you guys choose divorce if all you really need are separate vacations.

And we have certain gifts we offer others, such as authenticity. Not perfect, but still gifts.

Seems that every few days I do something that does not meet her expectations.

There will be a couple of good days, but there is always some new issue lurking just over the horizon.

I spend all my energy outside of work concentrating on not repeating the past issues, but that means, my mental blindness prevents me from avoiding doing something in an Aspie way when some new and different scenario comes up. There is no way for me to anticipate certain new scenarios, and when they happen, my inter neuron signals just don't move in a way either NTs or those with non Aspie abnormalities like.

I can feel a sort of slow burn fight / flight response building. In my case of course it would be flight.

I've been in this situation and I don't even know where to start to explain. I really don't want to say whats happened....at least not right now...


Im divoriced, gave up on dating, no family.
I had no idea what AS was, how it effected me and/ or why
only recently put the pieces together after my nephew was diag

In my case, I was divorced for a while before I was diagnosed, and it was a good thing in the end since my ex-husband would have used it against me.

A watch that beeps every 15 minutes.

It will help you stay focused by startling you out of your own little world. It's worth a try.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you!!

Perhaps she couldn't cope and gave all she could but nevertheless your Aspieness should never be used as an excuse for her decision to end the marriage

I have dated a few NT's with disasterous results but now I am with a fellow aspie partner and I couldn't be any happier, since dating my Aspie man I now doubt strongly that I will ever be attracted to or date an NT again.

I hope this finds you safe and well?

S