Appears socially successful but has aspergers?

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most are c***s or fatuos etc etc

I'm not fond of the word FAKE or FAKING. Everything I am and how I interact with people is genuine. Although I have to think about positioning my hands when talking to someone and have to force eye contact and then look away at times to make it seem more natural, these things are second nature anymore and very much a part of who I am. When I was very young I taught myself to move my arms in synch with my legs when walking, and with much effort I taught myself to scream with the other girls on roller coasters and at other appropriate times. But now it comes naturally.

As a 41-year old woman self-identified as having Aspergers and openly talking about this now, I am comfortable in my skin as someone on the spectrum. I'm also decently comfortable knowing that if many of you and I were to meet in person, you may not recognize Aspergers traits in me. I know where I've been, and I know the things I deal with every day that set me apart from NTs my age. Everyone is a little eccentric, right? Whether we're on the spectrum or not. But although I might have certain things under control, spend any length of time with me beyond the initial meet and greet, and you're bound to understand.

Anyway, the people I struggle communicating with the most are the ones in my own age group. I tend to draw too many comparisons and can only sustain a conversation for so long before my words start getting tangled up and my face turns red. But that's just how things are with me. At work they're used to me and have come to expect some awkwardness from time to time. Since I'm focused on my work and don't socialize with them outside of work hours, that really helps. I know my role, my responsibilities, and how to slip into my routines while there. It is stressful, but it also gives me some peace. I've been there a year now, which is a HUGE deal for me!

As far as having friends, I have my husband and one other person. I see my husband every day, I see her maybe once a month. Friendships just aren't easy to maintain.

Carla

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I heard a joke once that "half" of NASA has Asperger's.

But depending on the environment / culture and individual, yes they can be successful.

Dear other planet members,
It is my perception that highly educated aspies are very isolated. The company, hospital, research lab they are working in is not an environment where any understanding of the aspie life can be asked for. This generates particular problems related to isolation because in the highly competitive world we are functioning any place for sublevel social functioning is not possible. So have been stated that I am very interested in the stories of the researchers, docters, lawyers, PhD's, etc feeling the need to share some experiences and hopefully some tricks to survive could help another aspie.

Cheers Sperry, nickname, MD Anaesthetist Emergency Physician in daily life

^^^
so in other words, only ultrahigh-functioning brainiacs need apply.

I'm not highly educated (my parents told me in no uncertain terms when I was 16 that I was going to go out and get a job now!), but I have made myself function at a very high level. I've put all the energy and intellect that some put into academic achievement into learning how to function in the workplace. Ultimately, my coping mechanism was to get into a field that's very exacting but at the same time very accepting of diversity: theatre. Theatre not only values diversity but thrives on it. Commissioning a new play and creating a new production of it involves bringing together a team of people with vastly different skillsets, all of whom have to work together on the same project. And when it comes to actors, they represent people – so actors with diverse cultural, ethnic, disability, age, sexual orientation, religious and personality profiles are positively necessary, as well as those with a huge range of physical appearances. I work on the administrative side of things, but the recognition of the value of diversity runs right across the industry, so no-one is surprised to be introduced to a disabled, autistic administrator when they come in for a meeting!

I'm not saying there is no discrimination or bullying in theatre – that would be a ridiculous claim. There is. But having worked in commercial businesses I think it's rarer in theatre; I also think theatre companies would in most instances be more likely than commercial businesses to take serious action if complaints were made, and that 'open door' policies in senior management offices would make it easier for anyone being bullied or discriminated against by their immediate line manager to make a complaint .

Theatre companies are also very willing to make 'reasonable adjustments' for people with disabilities. When I recently disclosed AS to my senior managers, the first thing I was asked was what adjustments I needed to my job and working environment. I'd long since made these adjustments myself, of course, I've had AS throughout the 20+ years I've worked there even if it's only just been diagnosed – but it was nice to be asked, and to know that if anything comes up in the future they're willing to help.

I didn't know I had AS when I made my choices about the field of work I wanted to get into, but if I were the parent of a 14-year-old autistic making exam choices now, I'd be asking for advice about which industries will best enable my child to thrive. That's an appalling state of affairs – people should be enabled to to work in whatever field their talents and abilities lie in – but it's realistic. I've had a happy working life since I left the commercial businesses I started in when I was a teenager, and I'd want young people coming through now to have the same. It'd be useful to have a specific 'Work and Occupations' section on WP so that people could give advice and feedback, actually.

I have only recently been diagnosed at age 27. Arriving at this diagnosis was very much complicated by the fact I was so high functioning socially. In fact, the psychologists felt they'd completed my assessment (finding only a slow processing speed learning disability) but I told them I had a gut feeling that something was missing, and from what I'd read Aspergers Syndrome explained many aspects of myself and my life. They decided to do some further evaluation to investigate my concerns, and for this I am extremely grateful. They enlisted the help of a collegue, whom had more Aspergers experience, and this psychologist said without at doubt that Aspergers is the overlying issue. I am proof that even some trained professionals (one of the initial evaluators was head of a psychology department) may be mislead.

For me, a "performance" is truly what it is. I can relate to so many comments made in this thread. Concepts like choosing to learn certain things, or passing for NT but feeling completely drained by the process. Most of my life I didn't realize social things didn't come naturally to me, I thought I just wasn't trying hard enough. I did, however, feel that I was different during elementary school; it was like there was a pain of glass separating me from my classmates. We could see each other through the glass and communicate but there was always this elusive invisible barrier that separated me from everyone else.

I find it fascinating that so many of you have relayed improved high school experiences. To some extent this is true for me as well. I never enjoyed aspects of high school which extended beyond learning in the classroom, but by the time I hit grade 10, I no longer noticed the glass barrier. At this point in time, I had fooled even myself into believing I was not significantly different from my peers. While this helped me to survive high school and university, it took an emotional toll. Eventually I started to realize that I was "mimicking" my social interactions based on what others did, but unlike the saying, "fake it 'til you make it" it never felt like I made it. There was always an underlying feeling of being an imposter.

The few people I've told about my diagnosis, aside from my husband of three years, have reacted with utter disbelief. In part this is because the NT population has misguided stereotype of the autistic spectrum. Also, I think women tend to present differently and more subtlety compared to men. I very much have an "inside-self" and an "outside-self". In a social situation, it's almost impossible for me to turn off this outside-self because the negative reactions I received towards my inside-self as a child are burned into my memory. I even explained to the psychologists that I as I am talking to them, I am describing to them my inside-self, but operating under my outside-self while doing so. It is all so very complex. The psychologists, as a team of evaluators, have now come to the conclusion that my case is very high functioning, but certainly not mild, Aspergers.

So, yes, I think it is completely reasonable for someone with the background detailed in the original post to have Aspergers. Personally, it has been very validating to know that all my internal struggles were not just something I'd contrived inside my head, but real and tangible challenges.

(@Mychal)

That's very much like me, too.
I can observe my "outside-self" in social interactions but it's very hard to switch it off. Partly because I'm always anxious at the reactions I would provoke if I acted like I felt like.
So I appear to function very well socially and just my cognitive and emotional exhaustion is a good indicator for what I am actually doing.

My therapist recently suggested that my idea about having AS is wrong because she said she gained the impression I was very much "emotionally reachable" and just closed up in the last few weeks. But that's nonsense, I just decided to work consciously on dropping my "outside-self" when talking to her because acting socially competent is not the point in a therapy, is it..

My three friends are the only ones where I don't have this "self-switch reflex". One of them identifies with AS himself and another one has an autistic sibling and shares some AS traits as well. Just the third is an exception.